And how can I help them deal with it? Mainly my two oldest.. I have an 8 year old, a 5 year old, a 21 month old and a 5 month old.
2006-07-31 12:55:55 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
a1quick57~~ I am the mom...lol... not the dad.
2006-07-31 13:39:20 · update #1
The 8 year old and 5 year old have probably felt the tension around the house, heck, the 8 year old may even understand more than you give him/her credit for. If possible, I'd try to do it with your husband, so that you can both explain to the kids. I wouldn't go into detail, but answer their questions honestly, however, if they (the 8 year old) asks something of a more personal nature, don't be afraid to say that it's between Mom and Dad, and doesn't concern them. They're going to be concerned about never seeing you or dad again (whichever parent they won't be living with.) I would HIGHLY recommend not moving them from the family home right off the bat, unless absolutely necessitated by finances, having their parents divorce is enough change for them to handle right now, spring moving on them later if you can. DO NOT bash your spouse in front of the kids, he is still their father, and they deserve to not be made to feel as though they are forced to choose sides. BTW, they'll feel they have to anyway. Make sure they are able to spend as much time as possible with their dad, they'll need his reassurance as well. Get family counseling if you feel it's warranted, the older 2 especially may have the need to talk to someone other than you or their dad, don't be offended or worried by this, just get them the help they need. Please remain civil with your husband, remember at one point you loved him enough to have his children, your children will come out on top if you can do this.
I'm so sorry for the pain you must be going through right now. God bless and best of luck to you.
2006-07-31 13:10:55 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to say that kids i want you to understand something sometimes in life everthing doesn't go right and sometimes you think before you give it time and me and your mom are haveing some trouble gettng along see we got married not noing what it would bring so me and your mom are going to get a divorce(what ever reason your gettng divorced)and maybe you should take a month with your wife and see how things can change you should maybe try to do the right thing and listen to twhat the other person has to say sometimes and think about what is best for your kids and how hard it would be for them to not have a whole family with there biological dad and mother in the same house pray and think it over..
2006-08-01 13:36:28 · answer #2 · answered by MARKEYLA V 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through that but my kids were older.
I imagine your kids sense the troubles between mom and dad.
Sit the two oldest kids down and say something like...."as you know mommy and daddy aren't getting along well. We have decided to not be married anymore. But, I will always be your mom and he will always be your dad" Then ask if they have any questions. Make sure your answers are on their level of understanding.
I have heard that kids your kids age deal better with this than teenagers and adult children. No matter what the age it isn't an easy road to walk. \
But in the long run it is better for a kid to come from a broken home, than live in a broken home.
2006-07-31 20:03:22 · answer #3 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's always tough.. don't get into details about the fighting or whatever has been going on. Just explain to them that mommy and daddy are still friends and you both love all of them no matter what happens and that mommy and daddy are going to live apart from now on. Tell them that they will still get to see both of you and that their feelings matter and they can talk to you whenever they want. Let them know it isn't their fault and try to make the transition as smooth as possible. Good Luck!
2006-07-31 20:01:58 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer F 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on their ages. If they're very young. there's no reason for it. (It will only confuse them.) The BEST advise I can give you is this: Never, ever talk bad about your spouse. There's nothing worse for a child than to have to take sides. The children you have together love you both. Trust me, you stick to this rule and you will be rewarded for it when you're children become adults.
2006-07-31 20:14:45 · answer #5 · answered by TCBgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of good answers above. Just don't show your 'bad side towards your wife' to the children. She will always be MOM and you will always be DAD. That can't be changed.
2006-07-31 20:10:32 · answer #6 · answered by a1quick57 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While since you have two older son they should understand more than. The little ones but when the little ones grow up just explan to them what happened.
Good Luck!!!
2006-07-31 20:57:39 · answer #7 · answered by Lakaucia F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They have storybooks of divorice showing mommy and daddy living apart.
Then when you have finished reading them the book you can let them know then.
2006-07-31 20:15:39 · answer #8 · answered by Michael JENKINS 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell them the truth. all of it. They know more than you think. Don't make excuses about the cause, whether you or your spouse.
2006-07-31 20:02:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man thats tough.
2006-07-31 20:06:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋