My boyfriend and I plan to get married soon....problem is his best friend. He can be funny and sweet...but the next minute he is bitching on and on for no reason, acting like he's the sh*t, hateful, and putting down my boyfriend. Anything can set him off. He is sensitive and easily offended. Basically, it's like walking on eggshells around him and I can't stand it. It causes so much anxiety because my boyfriend puts up with it "thats just how he is"........so this guy will be around forever probably (they've been friends for over 10 years). What the h*ll do I do?
2006-07-31 12:19:26 · 10 answers · asked by alwaysright 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yeah, this guy is always negative too. Anytime you tell him anything good going on in your life, he will find a way to tell you the negative aspects of it. I've gotten to the point where I try to avoid him as much as possible, but sometimes it ain't easy! lol.
2006-07-31 12:47:31 · update #1
Alpha males are constantly in competition. A fact of life women just don't understand. We strive for success in career (representing survival) and sex (representing procreation). Those who compete successfully build "alliances" with other males we feel will help us achieve that success. Often, we put up with quite a bit of personal crap from another guy because we perceive the "alliance" with him to be helpful. Trying to break this alliance, or even expressing dissatisfaction with it, will only bring you frustration and failure. In fact, trying to get between them will actually strengthen the alliance. So.... do something different.
Don't attack. Don't even defend (yourself or him). Be a woman. Be sneaky (for his and your best interest). Come at it from an entirely different angle. Contrast your guy's relationship with you to the relationship with his friend. Find the things that are unattractive in the friend, then don't do them. He has mood swings to the point of being bipolar. So; you be steady and level-headed. He's sensitive and easily offended. So; don't be. Have the courage and self confidence he lacks to ignore perceived "slights". Walking around him is like walking on eggshells. Walking around you should be like walking on solid ground.
Your guy isn't an idiot. He'll recognize the difference. Over time, he'll relish in it. Being with you will be more comforting, "safer" and more wonderful than being with the friend. He's not an idiot. He'll draw closer and closer to you, and further from his friend. They may remain "friends". They probably will remain business partners (the whole alliance is based on career). But, he will be more and more out of your life on a personal level. Marriage is a lifetime together. In six months to a year, this "friend" will be far enough out of your personal life to be pretty much ignored.
And, he'll be gone because your husband chose to have him gone, not because you required it.....
2006-07-31 12:48:32 · answer #1 · answered by antirion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember guys are so stupid that they love to be hunging out with their friends all the time! so, you have to be more intelligent and never criticize his friend...cause remember he was his friend for over 10 years and for them friendship is better and can survive any marriage..so YOU HAVE to get along with his friend. Try to act like you like him and in a conversation make your boyfriend notice how stupid his friend is..or make your friends or family talk about how rude or crazy he is. Never criticize the friend and try to act like he is the best but on the other hand try to make him feel uncomfortable when he´s around (if he doesnt have a girlfriend..invite all couples and just him) and invite people he doesnt like etc
good luck!
2006-07-31 19:28:02 · answer #2 · answered by miliscal123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are going to be married to your boyfriend, the answer is simple.....this "friend" is not to be in your vicinity. Men can pitch a fit and tell their wives that they don't like certain girlfriends and don't want them in their house. Take the same approach. Not to mention, you have a right to say who you do and do not want in your vicinity. Just let him know how you feel. He should respect your desire to not be around him. You're marrying him, not his friend.
2006-07-31 19:36:21 · answer #3 · answered by Dee M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
um, HELLO? Your bf has a right to have friends. Is the friend going to be married to you too, NO, just you and your man!
I can't stand my husbands dad, but I don't let the dad get in the way of my marriage. I didn't fall in love with his dad, I didn't marry my husbands dad. However, I DID chose to be married to my man AND ACCEPT EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM and his friends.
Accept your man for who he is, what he has, and the things he likes, don't like...etc...etc..
It's hard work but if you REALY want to marry your BF then your gonna have to stick it out! Tough tooties!
It's up to your boyfriend to talk with his friend, NOT YOU! He needs to stand up for himself.
Get over it!
2006-07-31 19:39:59 · answer #4 · answered by Cherries 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do anything. That is HIS friend. If you approach the situation too much you might piss off your boyfriend. He will eventually see how his friend is and not put up with as much crap from him.
2006-07-31 19:24:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your boyfriend that his friend is causing you anxiety. If he truly loves you, he will understand and try to create situations which do not cause you anxiety.
2006-07-31 19:33:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOUR SOON TO FAMILY FRIEND SOUNDS LIKE MY HUSBAND. SERIOUSLY, MY HUSBAND HAS A FRIEND LIKE THIS EXCEPT WHEN WE ARGUE HE TELLS HIM EVERYTHING,,SO THEREFORE HE LETS ME KNOW WHAT HE THINKS OF THE PROBLEM. IT IS ALWAYS NEGATIVE STUFF SO WHEN WE ARGUE HE ALWAYS, ALWAYS MENTIONS THAT STEVE WAS RIGHT. BUT TO DEAL WITH YOUR PROBLEM SOUNDS TO ME THAT HE IS JEALOUS. BE CAREFUL YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL NEVER BELIEVE ANYTHING YOU SAY UNLESS HE DOES SOMETHING TO HIM.
2006-07-31 19:42:14 · answer #7 · answered by curlee gurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do nothing. He's your bf's friend so you don't worry about it. You accept him for who he is and you don't adjust who you are to humor or baby him. You stay away from him, his friend shouldn't be that involved in your life anyway.
2006-07-31 19:38:35 · answer #8 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the next time he has one ofhis little fits, tell him to shut the f*ck up and if he goes at you then your boyfriend will take your side.
2006-07-31 19:33:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just don't hang out if hes going to be around you. if he coming to your place, tell your bf you going shopping or hangout out with ur gf.
2006-07-31 19:28:49 · answer #10 · answered by alan_bong 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋