Should parents that no longer love each other, stay together for children's sake?

Question

Of course it's better for children to grow up with two parents in the household but when the parents no longer love each other, you can no longer show your children a loving relationship. Would you agree or disagree that it's better to divorce for your's and the children's sake?

Answer 1

If the parents can exist in a household with civility - then I think it is much better to have both parents in the same house raising the children.
It is hard for one parent to do all the work - and raising good kids takes a lot of work.

Answer 2

It depends on the loss of love. I hear too many stories of couples not staying together because they no longer love each other. With kids, couples owe it to them to find out why it's not working. If there's been outright fights, abuse, infidelity, etc., then sure. It's more damaging to kids. Then split. However, those conditions where one wakes up one morning and says, I don't love you anymore. I want a divorce. Then it's a lot of BS. Therapist have terms like "7-year itch" for times like that for a reason. To call it quits is just that, quiting. It does not mean that the quiter will find a better, long lasting relationship either if the initial cause was never addressed. And as for the other person and children, bitterness will develop b/c of the betrayal. And it will. Children aren't stupid. When they grow older and mature, they will still see what happened for what it is and was: one parent quit. And they'll look at it with their context. Mommy/daddy quit on me. Don't look at it any other way. Kids do not walk away from a divorce unscathed ... now or later. Parent(s) make the choice. The kids suffer. All will have to deal with it. And they should not blame anyone else for their actions and feelings. Parents need to act like the grownups in their kids eyes and take the responsibility to solve the problem. If it still means divorce, then so be it. If it doesn't ... and divorce is, in fact, the final option ... then parents do own it to their childrend to try and stay together.

Personally, I'm tired of hearing about parents who just quit on a marriage and act like "oh this isn't about the kids" or "the kids will heal because they're resilent". BS. Then explain the 50% divorce rate in this country that is increasing as time goes on. There's just no more accountability to children or to the future.

My beef. As you can tell.

Answer 3

Wow, there were so many answers, I did not know if I should bother, Times have changed allot since my parents divorced, but it hm, rocked my world. Kids today may be more intune to what's going on, but I don't know that for sure. What I do know is that as a kid my parents and home were my life and when it all broke down, so did I. I honestly think I would have been better off if my parents kept my HOME going. BUT, guess what, I am in a similar situation and I am not sure what to do. My daughter is my #1 priority, but I matter too. This is probably the toughest question. We were all children at some point, yet we can not yet figure out how to do the best for everyone concerned. What can I say? kids come first, answer? Ask the kids what they want.

Answer 4

If a husband and wife can no longer get along together, then this is not a healthy environment for the kids. The children do not benefit from watching their parents in conflict. If a husband and wife decide to separate and/or divorce, they can keep 2 things in mind to help the kids.

1. Talk to the kids - let them kids know that the parents divorcing is not about the kids - the kids are not responsible for this ....and BOTH parents love the kids and that neither will abandon the kids

2. Even if the parents split up - they must continue to work together to co-parent the kids. That means that evn though the parents are not together, they must still work together, set up a plan, and try to cooperate to raise the kids in a way that is best for the kids.

Answer 5

I think you pretty much answered your own question... If two parents stay together and don't love each other, they may be able to stay together out of convince for the sake of the children . It might not be so bad if if they can get along because they can still teach love by the way they love their children, but if they are fighting everyday and don't have any love for each other they really aren't raising their children in a loving relationship and they would be teaching their children to stay where their not wanted and not teaching them how to walk away from a bad situation. children learn by example and they should be divorced.

Answer 6

I think if there is not animosity, and they still have respect for each other it is in the children's best interests if they stay together. Married women are far less likely to fall below the poverty line. I think if they can stay together and be civil and make a peaceful, loving home for the children they should. If they really have animosity, and they don't have mutual respect it would probably not be a peaceful, loving home for the children and they should live apart. The children's best interests must rule here - remember the parents brought them into this world and owe them the best they can give, even if that means inconveniencing themselves for the children's growing up years. I think the parents will find it was worth the investment.

Answer 7

Children need parents and they will have two parents as long as both stay involved after the divorce. If you can truly make the children the highest priority, then everyone will ultimately be OK.

Example: you could both agree to remain in the same neighborhood so that the children can walk between the two houses or apartments. You could both agree to NOT move out of town until the children are all 18 years or older.

Make sure the children know that this was not their fault and that you both love them now-- and forever!

Best wishes!

a grandma-aged person

Answer 8

Well, I must tell you I went through the same thing 4years ago! My children were 4 years and 18 months old at the time! I was very unhappy in the relationship and I felt very unloved! I took my two children and left my husband for another man! I made sure that my children were safe and no harm would come to them as I left them with my mother for a while!
No, let me tell you, we tried to get back together a few times and every time, things just went back to the same way, he had not changed and I didn't think that he even would!
So we decided that it would be best for the children to separate! Now please keep in mind that my husband and I almost never argued or had bad situations in our home in front of the children, we have always shown respect for each other regardless of our true feelings!
So we in all our stupidity got a divorce and moved on with our lives!
My son which was four years old at the time, has had so many behavior problems and emotional problems because of this divorce! My daughter who was 18 months at the time, really did not understand and called every man that she saw daddy!
We really believed that what we had done was the best thing for our kids, but in all actuality, we have now come to the understanding that we should have gotten counseling and tried to work it out for their sake, because they have the worse emotional problems through all that they have gone through!
In our situation considering the level of maturity and respect we were able to show, He and I now feel that we should have worked it out! But we made a mistake and here we are dealing with the consequences! If we had it to do over again my ex husband and I both agree that we should have given it more of a chance! But everyone is different and you have to make that determination based on your personal situation! We have remained very, very good friends, as we always were and we talk almost every day! We make sure that we both know what is going on with the children at all times, and any decisions that are made about them we still talk about and make together, even thought we have both remarried and we both have more children with our new spouses! If you are going to get a divorce and you have kids, communication and respect is the key!

Answer 9

I think that if every option to reconcile and save the relationship has failed then perhaps it MIGHT be best for two people to seperate. Of course there are always more factors involved, but if both people are agreeing upon the fact that they don't love each other anymore, why should they stay together in misery? No matter what, a child will always have two parents whether or not they live in the same home. If the parents are miserable together then they can't be effective parents.

Just my opinion!

Answer 10

It is NOT always better for children to grow up with two parents--not if they are always fighting, can't show affection, and there is always tension in the home. If you are both sure that you no longer love each other then it is time to move on and file for a divorce. You and your husband both deserve better, and your children most definitely deserve better. And if you think that they don't know that you and your husband have problems, you'd better think again. Children are smart little creatures, and they pick up on the vibes coming from their parents.

Answer 11

Mine did, and wow. While I appreciate the sacrifice they made in my best interest, I've really got to wonder why they thought it would be better for my sister and I to grow up in a war zone. Watching two people you care about hate eachother for 18 years can't be anybetter than weekend visits or split years.

On the other side of that coin, there's no such thing as fairytale love. If you're old enough to have kids, then you're old enough to know that. A loving relationship takes choices and work. If you've "fallen out of love" or "lost the sizzle", maybe divorce isn't the best thing for you either. Think what an amazing lesson it will be for your kids to see their parents go through a problem, and then solve it together.