If anyone can cheer me up with a few funny jokes, its be very very appreciated
2006-07-31 09:42:50 · 12 answers · asked by :) 2 in Games & Recreation ➔ Other - Games & Recreation
A blind man enters a Ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde
woman with a black belt in Karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is
blonde and is a proffesional
weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is a blonde
and is a proffesional wretler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares: "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times".
2006-07-31 09:49:49 · answer #1 · answered by Hawtman1092 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awww poor u. u should get a cat so when u come home theres someone to give u LOTS of love no matter what :)
umm a joke.... errrrr......
Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
thats not really a joke but i think its funny...................... oh ok this is long and dirty but read it its funny!!!
One day Bill complained to his friend that his elbow really hurt. His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor.
''Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10." Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks."
Later that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer again made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
"Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has worms. Get him vitamins. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant with twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your tennis elbow will never get better."
2006-07-31 10:22:18 · answer #2 · answered by Limeatron 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A funny story is a brief tale or ironic depiction of a trouble communicated with the cause of being funny. These jokes will on the whole have a punch line in an effort to finish the sentence to make it funny. A funny story can be a unmarried word or assertion that employs sarcasm. The phrase funny story can be used as a slang time period for a man or woman or factor which isn't taken critically through others probably or is referred to as being a failure. A functional funny story or prank differs from a spoken one in that the essential element of the humour is bodily alternatively than verbal (for instance hanging salt within the sugar bowl). Jokes are customarily for the amusement of peers and onlookers. The favored reaction is mainly laughter; while this doesn't occur the funny story is claimed to have "fallen flat".
2016-08-28 14:58:57 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Priest, an alcoholic, and a pedophile walk into the bar and that was just one person.
2006-07-31 09:47:52 · answer #4 · answered by raiderking69 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here's a philosophical question for you...Is the hokey pokey really what it's all about?
HaHa! Hope you have a better day.
2006-07-31 09:45:39 · answer #5 · answered by ecogrl23 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man walked into a bar and said "ouch"
2006-07-31 09:44:16 · answer #6 · answered by ghostbeta34 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how do you make a tissue dance... put a boogie in it.
what kind of attitude did the fish salesman have... a sell-fish one.
corny as all hell, but i hope they did the trick
2006-07-31 09:46:36 · answer #7 · answered by Kevin M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is black and white and red all over??? The newspaper!
2006-07-31 10:02:23 · answer #8 · answered by crw_mry 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you call cheese thats not yours???
Nacho cheese!!!
Yeah, corny, I know but I thought it was funny
2006-07-31 09:46:21 · answer #9 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why did the chicken cross the road?... to get to the other side
2006-07-31 09:44:54 · answer #10 · answered by camibabe_05 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋