Are we drifting apart?

Question

Me and my best friend of 13 years have been thru a lot together. We have managed to stay friends despite living in different states for 9 of the 13 years. She has recently moved back near me but I feel like we really don't connect anymore. We met when we were 15 and are both married now and things have really changed. She is about to have her first baby and I feel like we in different places. I prefer spending time with my husband having fun, whereas her and her husband don't go out much together. I feel like she has been gone so long, I have a different life now that I am very happy with and she just does not fit in the way she would like to. I feel like she resents me for being so close to my hubby. When we do get together, conversation is difficult and sometimes awkward. She makes me feel like I am not being a good friend. I want her to be a part of my life but I feel like my husband has replaced her in a lot of ways. How do I keep her happy without sacrificing my own happiness?

We do get together for lunch at least once a week. I work and she doesn't so the last thing I want to do after work is go hang out at her place or go for coffee. I think our relationships with our husbands are so different, she can't understand how close me and my husband are. She and her husband are not best friends like me and mine. She can be very condescending about it as well. I just feel like I am not the one who chose to get pregnant and have a baby so why should I act like a pregnant woman just to make her happy? I would rather be out at bars having fun with my husband. The problem is she is sensitive and I don't want to hurt her or lose her as a friend.

Answer 1

That's life. As people grow older, they change. Their lives change. The same things that you looked for in a friend at 15 won't be the same thing that you want in a friend at 30. As people marry and have children, priorities change. That is why true friends who can stand the test of time should be greatly appreciated. They are a rare find. Most fall by the wayside in some form or fashion. Your friend has her life to live and you have yours. Maybe it seemed like the two of you were closer when you lived in different states because you did not have to see her frequently. Now that you both have access to each other, you both can see that you are so different. This is not anyone's fault and it's not something that should be resented or regretted. A true friend will wish you well even if you only talk every now and then. Your husband should be close to you and in many ways he does take the place of your best friend. It's wonderful that you share that type of relationship with your husband, but be careful not to isolate yourself from everyone and everything else. Your friend will have to come to terms with the fact that you are happy with your life as it and although you care for her, you will not tamper with your happiness to accomodate her. If she is truly your friend, she will understand. This may mean that the two of you won't be best friends anymore. You may become acquaintances who used to be best buds. That is life. Live, love and be happy.

Answer 2

Yes, you have drifted apart and it's OK. I have a similar situation. I've known my best friend for 10 years now. We used to go to night clubs and party all the time, we've dated numerous numbers of guys and were there for each other during the breakups and the excitement of new loves. Well, about 3 years ago she was diagnosed with epilespy and I got engaged. Talk about two different lifestyles! She has since had a stroke and now at 32, is back living with her parents. I am 28 and married for almost a year. She got so used to us getting together several times a week that she didn't want to give that up - but she had to. I feel bad but we are just totally in two different places now. We still email each other but I know she misses "the good old days." Sometimes, people aren't meant to be in your life forever. Sometimes it's only a few years. Accept the reality and move on, or just keep in touch by email. It's hard, but that's life.

Answer 3

I totally understand you except my best friend isn't married and without children I my self have a 11 month old daughter and am engaged the problem is she doesn't have transportation and her boyfriend is a around the way common thug. So I have matured so much that I am not entertained by rowdy atmospheres but more of a mature crowd. I don't really talk to her but we did recently discuss how different our lives are and that it's important that we respect one another life styles. It's just that some women feel inferior when their friends tend to ignore them over a man as does my best friend. However, I have just learned to take her for face value it's good to reminisce but that's all and not to expect anything but a catch up call which we just make sure we are both breathing and give one another advice!

Answer 4

Yes, friends often drift apart just like any other relationship. Often it is actually easier to be friends when you are far away then when you are close because the friendship is all about talking and not actual life interaction. In your case you two probably still share a lot of things but your lifestyles are so different it makes it hard to be friends when you are closer like this. I think you've just reached a point where it is obvious that instead of best friends your now just friends.

Answer 5

The answer is you dont. Best freinds do drift apart and it IS because your in different stages of your lives right now. Plus pragnacey hormones can make people act way diffrently than they would normally. I have a good friend that when she was pragnant she barely spoke to me. she did this with all her friends, but after she was back to her normal self. Maybe just give your friend some space, when she wants to talk she will contact you.It could be shes just having some problems. But dont compromise your happiness to make someone else happy, its not worth it.

Answer 6

the funny thing is that im actually in the same sitaution as u right now! my best friend and i have been friends as long as i can remember.. she recently got married to this one guy she just met like an year ago, i did not agree with her marriage because it was just way too soon and im seeing a bad reason for him wanting to marry right away. what she thinks is that im hating on her and wanting to break her relationship up but come on, i wanna see her happy but yet, i dont want her to be the victim later on when he does leave her after he gets what he wants! she just doesnt seem to understand why im doing all this! but anyways.. we've drifted away right after he married him and she totally stopped calling me and asking me to hang out (every saturday was our day before). everything just changed after he came in the picture! and from then on, everytime we talk, when i say something, she always have something to say to go against me, i really dont understand why but hey.. i did my part right? im very upset and sad but what can i do? girl.. listen, if u really wanna still keep this friendship going then i suggest u sit down with her one day and have an conversation about whats on your mind and of course hers, like what had happened that drifted u 2 apart? and what is there to do to have that type of friendship back! if after u try that and she still acts the same then u know u 2 are not meant to be! best wishes and good luck!

Answer 7

Confusses says, will she lay you like husband, if not stick to husbands happiness. I am sorry that was rude of me, I believe that you should try a little but as far as breaking plans with husband for her I would not do this, Draw a line and do not cross it, she will either accept it or move on. Good luck. Confusses says Bye too!

Answer 8

Me and my best friend are also the same. We just try to get together when we can. Everyday life and family keep us hopping. She will realize that when she has her baby. But whats wrong with just calling her up once in a while and jsut say hi how's things going. My g/f and I try to get together at least once a week if it's just for lunch or whatever but i'm glad to still be in contact with her.

Answer 9

I have been there and done that. It is very hard to have a realtionship when you both are married and have kids. Maybe the two of you can get togeahter and have a double date with your husbands. as it should be, your husband and chid(ren) should be first in your life. Maybe you two can find at least one day a week or a few times a mnth that you two can get togeather. have lunch. shop or whatever. Please dont feel bad, it happens to alot of people. wish you well.

Answer 10

by the years, friends do flow aside. Your diverse pastimes, occupation paths, & places all play a component in it. the sturdy information is that you nonetheless are heavily in contact w/ 2 of them & you'll have made many new friends at school. do not mourn the shortcoming of previous friends. experience the close friends & the recent friends. If it somewhat bothers you that you do not communicate to those different women, attempt to get in contact w/ them - digital mail, letters, telephone calls, own visits if conceivable, and so on. in the adventure that they are no longer keen to make an identical connections lower back to you, perchance they weren't that tremendous of friends to you after all! wish this helps!