Parents: Going back to work and leaving baby...?

Question

I go back to work tomorrow after being on maternity leave for 12 weeks. I am going to miss her, but I feel a little guilty because I sort of miss that part of my life (working). I have enjoyed these weeks with my daughter, but is it a bad thing to feel "ready to going back to work"?

Also, how do you pick a good day care? My parents are going to watch her for at least her first year, but I will eventually have to find her a day care center. I hear so many horror stories that I am extremely reluctant to doing this. I read about a facility that has cameras in the daycare center and parents can log-in to the website to check on their little one. I thought this was so cool, but I dont know of any place such as this in Houston, Tx.

To the stay at home mothers who feel I am wrong for leaving my daughter: working and getting a paycheck, AND having decent medical insurance is being a GREAT mother as well. I dont go to work FOR my employers, but I do so that my daughter can havea decent living.

Thanks for all your wonderful answers (except the others who criticized me going back to work). I wish you all many blessings! Kimmie

Answer 1

If your parents are willing to care for her, then take them up on it!! There is no better caregiver for a baby or child than a loving relative. Your instincts are telling you *not* to go for institutional care; listen to them!! Better you listen to your instincts now than suffer for not doing so later.

Answer 2

OMG some of these women are just horrible. I am pregnant right now and I am going to have to leave my baby and go back to work after six weeks. I would feel so lucky to have 12! It's all fine and dandy if you can depend on someone else to bring home all the money and benefits but come on, this is the real world. I have been out of work since I was 5 months pregnant and the fact of the matter is theres simply no money for me to stay at home any longer than six weeks after shes born unless I wanna end up on welfare.
You should not feel quilty for wanting to go back to work because as far as love and attention go. They aren't going to do much if you can't keep a roof over your head and child services take the baby away. It's going to be hard but just remember that you are doing the right thing and the want to put in a hard days work in simply human.
As for the daycare thing I would go around and see if there is a way you can ask parents that already use the daycare how they like it. Or maybe you can pay someone you know to watch the baby. My friend pays her younger brother to babysit.

Answer 3

Dont feel guilty to want to go back to work. You are missing the adult conversations and such. Its healthy to be away from your baby some. It will make her more independant and will give you each some time and space to miss each other.

You are very blessed to have your parents to care for her for the first year. You shoudl chose a daycare when you're ready, that meets any standards that you have set. Since you're looking for a year from now, you will have more of a grasp on parenthood. I would start looking when shes about 6 months old. Ask questions like their disciplinary policy (no hitting should occur at daycare), diaper changing policy, student to teacher ratio per age group (in NJ infants at the center i worked at was 1:4 and toddlers was 1:5).

Most importantly if you arent happy dont put your child there.

Good Luck! And enjoy your day at work tomorrow.

Answer 4

You should never feel bad about needing a life of your own. I have found that I am a more patient and devoted mother to my daughter than many of my friends who stay at home. I do miss her so much during the day, but I come home excited to be with her and wanting to play and read,etc. I have found that I spend more one on one time with her when I get home than many do that stay home all day (though many stay at home moms devote all their time to their kids!). Each state also has numbers to call that will tell you if a day care has been reported for anything, but I don't know about Texas. Your best bet is to pop in unannounced just to make the appointment (don't call)-this will give you a good look at their security procedures and what they are doing when no visitors are expected. Ask if they have permission to give you the numbers of any of the parents-many places will do this-so you can call a parents who uses them and ask some questions. Have a list ready when you go for your interview/appointment. Any place that seems secretive or does not allow parents to pop in during the day-stay away from!

Answer 5

I enjoy being a stay at home mom but I know how much work matters in this day and age (money is needed). I think it is good that your parents are going to watch her for the first year they will let you know all the things that you missed and will take lots of video and pics if you want for this first year. However it makes me sad when parents drop their kids off at day care. I worked ar one for years. And we had kids that were dropped off at 6 am and were not picked up until around 5pm that night. The kids were closer to their teachers than their parents. I kept my son out of daycare for most of his 5 years. He had problems with his speech for the first few years of his life so he could not tell me if something was wrong at the daycare. So I waited. Also remember that when she is exposed to daycares she is also exposed to all sorts of sickness that kids carry. Be prepared for calls to daycare to pick her up in the middle of your work day. federal law says the daycare cannot keep a child who runs a 99 or higher temp. But the daycare issue is a year away so enjoy the time at work and worry about the other when the time comes.

Answer 6

I cannot blame you if you want to go back to work. I for one is hesitant in working not until my baby is able to eat on her own and can be watched over by other people (3 yrs old maybe,mine is 17 months old and I still breastfeed her).

Sometimes, we mothers cannot get rid of the "guilt" feeling. It's normal. Will you be working away from her? I mean, don't you go home after work? If that's the case I advise you to always find time to bond with your baby. The first years in a baby's life are the most crucial. Those are the years that the baby feels secured. As for a day-care center, I suggest you visit every available one there is and find the most suitable and accessible until you're sure of your baby's security. I quite envy you for having your parents around. I care for my baby alone but I think there are many mothers like me and like you out there. Goodluck in your endeavors.

Answer 7

No, it is perfectly fine that your going back to work.. and from experience it will be hard on you... I would start to interview daycares, dont call and make an appt, just stop in to get applications and see what is going on. I decided to stay home with mine and keep a child for a school teacher and my best friend.... maybe you could ask around at work and there maybe someone like that that would be intrested in helping you out.... but, dont be afraid to ask questions... the only dumb question is the one never asked. Also, in NC where I live there is a place called Partnership for children... they have info on daycares in the area.. maybe where you live has a place similar... good luck..

Answer 8

honey i kno how you are feeling i left my son at exactly three months and i felt bad because on one hand i was missing work and on the other hand i didnt want to part with my son 12 weeks is kind of soon to go back to work though are you sure you are ready emotionally and physically recuperating after a baby is very important. I live in trinidad so i am not sure how the daycares are over there my son stays with a lady who comes to my home to see about him but you can ask around ( parents who send their kids to daycares) someone might be able to reccommend a good one for you

Answer 9

I'm going back to work very soon too! I know its scary...But when you have to find a DayCare service for your child write out a list of questions/comcerns for the provider(s). If there are certain things you think are a "must" then keep looking till you find the right place! Another tip, you should probably be looking at providers soon. Visting and getting put on a list. The good DayCares always have waiting lists! So the sooner the better!! :)

Answer 10

I'm home with my second now, 8 weeks into my 12 weeks of maternity leave. I took 12 weeks with my first son as well, and I was so stressed and guilt-ridden over taking him to day care his first day, I cried all the way to work.

I was (am) very fortunate that I found a home day care, run by mother, daughter, and grand-daughter, and they watch 10 children. The mother has worked in and/or run day cares all her adult life, takes countless classes, and with her length and quality of experience, her side-job is to help other day cares improve and become certified. My son is in an enriched, loving environment, and he has learned so much so much faster than I could have known to teach him. They play so many fun games and go on field trips to the library and local playgrounds. They have chickens, rabbits and horses for the kids to watch, pet and learn about. He has very good friends there (which I never would have been able to provide - we are the first among all our friends to have kids, and we're in our mid-thirties!) I also enrolled my son in a local program called "Parents As Teachers" (see website link below), and at each milestone assessment, he met or exceeded expectations, which include motor development, language, social and many others.

The best thing you can do is search, search, search. Interview the day care providers and tour the facilities. You will know when one feels right. I toured several "institutional" day cares and what really drove me away from that environment was the turnover of staff, the lack of education of their staff members (in many cases), and that my son would be moved to new "classroom" at 12 months, 2 years, etc., and would have to get used to new providers and new classmates. It seemed like a lot of upheaval for such a little one. Not everyone will be as lucky as I to have found such a perfect home day care, but the more you look, the more likely you will be to find the right solution for you.

As to the moms who think you should stay home, ignore them and do what's right for you. By going to work, my sons learn about my work ethic, as well as discipline and responsibility. I did see my son's first steps, and I did hear his first words. I may not be so fortunate with my second boy, but imho, the first time he walks and talks for me, will be the first time he walks and talks! By continuing to work, I am able to save for my sons' college education, and we will also be able to send them both to private school. We are using this opportunity to change our family tree and give our sons options in life that we never had.

Good luck!!

Answer 11

Sorry that your getting the comments on why you should stay at home..No one really knows your situation 100%..I know it's very hard to leave your child at such a young age..I had to recently..I have two kids..I was lucky to have stay with my first for his firt few years (he enter day-care at 2 1/2yrs old) and it was great but things are dif. this time around..We have more bills and mortgage..I was feeling guilty too because I am one to want to raise my kids myself and not noone else but like I said, this time around things change..I am still lucky because my in laws (grandma) is watching my son three days of the week and my husband has him 2 days (got to love him, hey he wanted another baby). One think I realize is that we mommies need our little breaks for a few hrs so we can be better moms and not loose our patience so easily..I know that is how I feel..When I get home I miss my little pumpkin so much that he can stay up all nite if he wanted too..I just feel less tense and aggraveted with everything..I love to come home and see my kids, especially when I had a hard day at work..They are my stress-realif medication as weird as it might sound. When it comes time to look into a day-care one of the things I did was get a list of the daycares I was interested in and call to make appts to see what their day consisted off and one of the impt. points for me was that I can come and visit my child anytime without having to call the daycare center to let them know..Why should I? his my child right..There was one who told me I couldn't that I had to call first and let them know.Yeah, right..The decision it's always hard because there is noone who can take care of your child like yourself or your parents but if there is nothing you can positively do to stay home then just do alot of research on the day care center.It might be a good idea if you can volunteer at least 1day of the week and went to some of their field trips.I did and I think it helps out because you get to be more involve and get to know the staff and your child will love to see you there too.Good luck.