My bf has been looking at porn on the internet. He did it before and I told him if really bothered me. Then I found out he did it again, he tried to lie but I had the log. It really hurts me because he refuses to touch me. I know it must have something to do with me, he says no but why else? The lies are what really bother me. I don't know what to do. It hurts me just to look at him.
2006-07-31 08:07:38 · 11 answers · asked by dlfoster67 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It has nothing to do if I'm "freaky" enough. You have no idea. He's done this in the past to his other wife. I wasn't looking in the logs for that. I was searching for something else and came across it. It was I sat at the computer and thought Hmmmm. It came up with a search I was doing for myself. It was a shock and it hurt a lot. It's not a joke, what's worst is the lying? Or is that not a matter? I think it should be. But according to some of you I shouldn't care? He stayed at home to do that instead of going on a family outing, and he missed two outings because of it so I'd say yes, it is effecting his home life. Family is secondary to it.
2006-07-31 08:21:47 · update #1
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It really cuts deep to be lied to.
I was trying to think of what I would do in your shoes...looking at those things is one thing( that's hurtful enough), but the fact that he isn't touching you just makes it that much more difficult. In my opinion, that is emotional neglect. I would suggest telling him that if you don't start feeling more cared for in this relationship, you are leaving.I would be very clear and state to him that you feel betrayed when he looks at those sort of things and that you deserve honesty...I would also state that you are not going to put up with being emotionally neglected by his not wanting to touch you. Tell him that is why you got together in the first place, and if that isn't there anymore there is no use staying. That's what I would do...there is no need for you to have to always wonder if he is telling you the truth, and there is no need for you to have to put up with not being cared for the way you should be. If he is like that now, what will it be like if you were to ever get married? You would think he would at least be on his best behavior. Good luck to you!
2006-07-31 08:43:54 · answer #1 · answered by ShineOn 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may not want to hear this, you may not be able to grasp it. BUT, your man's lying and looking at porn has very little to do with you. You are not responsible for his actions. It would hurt me too if my SO lied and didn't go to family gatherings and surfed the internet instead.
Now, for a question that may be harder. What are you going to do about it? It is very unlikely that he'll change his behavior. He did it to his wife before you came on the scene. A change in behavior is VERY difficult without a great deal of work and, most importantly, a great desire to change. Is there a reason for you to accept the behavior? I wouldn't. I would hope my wife wouldn't if I did it. By all that is logical and emotionally sound, you are perfectly within your rights to require better behavior.
2006-07-31 16:33:01 · answer #2 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it all depends on how often your BF is looking at these porn sites, as well as what he is looking at. If he is looking at these sites often and he is looking at some crazy stuff that is way out of your league, then there is a problem.
Just the fact that he is not touching you tells me something is not right. Sure you may feel that you are pleasing your man, but obviously there are issues within your sex life with him that need to be analayzed.
If you really care about him and don't want to lose him over this issue. I would just take intrest in what he is watching online, see what he is into, tap into his mind. Maybe you can learn about other ways of pleasing your man.
But, if what he is doing is to much for you. Perhaps you and him are not meant to be, because to be spirutally connected with your mate you must also be sexually connected as well. Otherwise it is not going to work out.
Don't Live Life In the Dark,
Master Psychic Rachel
2006-07-31 15:31:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, if it bothers you to know he looks at porn - what are you doing snooping around in the logs, anyway? Sounds like he was trying to be discreet knowing that you didn't like it - but you *had* to go find out anyway? Guys look at porn, period. Women do, too, but I think it's more prevalent amongst guys. You just have to get over it and give him his space... Stop snooping. Don't ask - don't tell policy usually works well in this case.
Unless it's a porn addiction - if he looks at porn so much that his work, school or relationships are put on the back burner, it would serve him well to get help for addictive behavior. But if it's just something he does occasionally for fun, just leave him alone.
2006-07-31 15:18:03 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that porn to a guy is highly addicting some scientists linked it to the same receptors as heroin and cocaine it took me 2 years to kick the coke habit so if you love them and they are making some attempt to limit there on-line appeals then stick by there side if they just refuse then say good by and leave them in there fantasy world on the electric wave
buy the way my wife was cheating on me so 2 msthinkpositive
whatdid you mean that all guys think like that because I was loyl and gave her the world and she listend to f*** UPS ON THE NET AND WAS OUT WHEN I WAS AT WORK sorry just had to vent Wwwwoooohh
2006-07-31 15:24:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like porn is the least of your issues. It is not you. Move on. You deserve a man who loves, respects, and enjoys you for yourself.
No man is worth making you feel sad. Or doubting yourself. You are great. YOu know this, move on.
You deserve better.
This hurts you to look at him because you think he is betraying you. In a way, he is. He, obviously, has no problem keeping the truth from you. He is not loyal. He does not value you emotionally or physically.
Get motivated to find yourself someone worthy of what you have to offer in a relationship. Move on.
Good Luck!
2006-07-31 15:24:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A. what kind of porn was it? B. He could have broader issues. C. What kind of trust do you really have if your checking web logs to see what he is doing. D. He is repressing his own homosexuality. or E. leave th guy alone.if he likes snaping his carrot rather than throwing you a shot once in awhile let it go.maybe your just not freaky enough for him. In any event you should be talking to him not posting questions about it
2006-07-31 15:14:13 · answer #7 · answered by answering 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
FIND A REAL MAN who can touch you!
Life is Precious to have someone like him in your life to create an emotional distraction over his internet porn obsession!
Don't get Hurt or Mad...GET EVEN! Run away from him....
The sooner the better!
2006-07-31 15:20:59 · answer #8 · answered by mnl318 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the lies have started, then they won't stop, so make up your mind on how you want to deal with this. He may be up to other things besides porn, so keep an open eye for signs. Guys are determine to have their way when it comes to s__ regardless to what it takes.
2006-07-31 15:16:23 · answer #9 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation here as well, if there are lies and distrust in the relationship then the best you can do as hard as it will be is leave the relationship, thats what I have done and it has strengthened me ALOT!!
2006-07-31 15:16:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋