I'm 16 and I'm wondering what people think of one of my poems.
The Way It Was (Don't Let It Be Again)
I used to wake up to shouting
My drunken father yelling
He'd stumble through the house
Always wanting to go out
He'd threaten us and throw things
Breaking our hearts and dishes
We'd beg and plead for it to stop
He'd always tell us he would
But it was just empty promises
Lies decorated with ribbons
I had to be strong
For my mother and my sister
I didn't cry or run and hide
Instead I faced the threat
And finally it was over
Or so we should hope
My dad stopped drinking
The violence and lies stopped
But I'm still afraid
That it will start again
And I will drop
If anyone's listening
I ask you now please
Don't let it happen again
Life's not perfect
But it's better
I'm begging you
To keep it this way
2006-07-31 07:58:50 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
I already have it on a poetry site, and I will know if someone steals it.
2006-07-31 08:03:35 · update #1
a little constructive criticism...it ok,, maybe too descriptive..good poems have a little mystery that you have to figure out. there are some good metaphors, but its a little choppy. its got good feeling behind it,i would just try to let it flow easier, seriously though, pretty good job.
2006-07-31 08:08:29 · answer #1 · answered by loveboatcaptain 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep writing - and get support (Alateen or counselor). Your writing can help you weather the storm and heal from the craziness. But better healing with others.
I wanted to note that in one line the subject does not agree with the verb tense:
"But it was just empty promises"
..unless you want the incorrect grammer to illustrate that alcoholism and bad grammer were part of the household.
2006-07-31 08:05:45 · answer #2 · answered by HomeSweetSiliconValley 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Way too literal. This is more of a direct description of events than a poem. It leaves nothing to the imagination or to interpretation.
2006-08-01 13:34:37 · answer #3 · answered by I Know Nuttin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a beautiful poem...but some advice...I would never post my poems or stories in a public site, because I will be paranoid if someone steals it...be careful.
2006-07-31 08:01:46 · answer #4 · answered by JOLIE69 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great writing skills! Best Wishes.
2006-07-31 08:03:45 · answer #5 · answered by ♥ jojo ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel as though I know you..! Do you live in Sheffield ? cause your name looks very familiar. Your poetry is very good, but if this is a reflection of how you live, do you want it to be good?
You can e-mail if you want too.
2006-07-31 08:05:12 · answer #6 · answered by Jeanette 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like the poem, i would tell you to work on your rhyme scheem though, I think it would be more readable and sound better if all the lines were the same length and the same mount of lines per rhyme.
2006-07-31 08:04:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice poem. Get help from someone against your dad.
2006-07-31 08:01:39 · answer #8 · answered by just another consciousness 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you certainly have a gift, and have used your gift to help you deal with the past. Keep using your gift - its good.
2006-07-31 08:03:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you must find a publicist right away!
excellent grammar very moving you are a poet my sister congratulation
2006-07-31 08:04:45 · answer #10 · answered by wise 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋