yeah, yeah, blah, blah, blah: women should be complete and have feelings of self worth before marriage. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about after being married for years; after intimacy is no longer initiated by the husband; neither are compliments or thoughtful gifts or I love you's; but instead these are replaced by sarcastic comments, arguments started by mundane details, interruptions as if your comments don't make sense....And, if you, the answerer, determines that there is some percentage of self worth that is developed through validation by the husband, then, alternately isn't there a percentage of self-un worth developed by the same? At what point should a woman be expected to look past all of that and still do what she can to rebuild the marriage and then how does she do it?
2006-07-31 07:42:15 · 8 answers · asked by JL 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you know...me and my husband had a "debate" about this yesterday as a matter of fact. He asked me why I hate him so much...I told him it's not that I hate him...what I hate is how he makes me feel...b/c he doesn't do those "little things" anymore. For the last few years he said the same thing about having my own self-worth and getting a self-esteem, blah, blah, blah. He is, thankfully, beginning to understand what I have been talking about it. As far as a percentage...I couldn't really say. I am fine when he's not around, but as soon as I walk in the door it all goes to hell. I tried to explain to him that he brings me down. Don't get me wrong...it's not all bad. He brings me up, too (sometimes). Overall we have a good relationship, but over time, everything has gotten to be so harsh if that's the right word for it. It is like we are too comfortable with each other, and we don't feel like we have to "work for it" anymore....but that goes both ways....it's not just the husband's fault. Wive's do the same thing....women are more likely to notice it or complain about it....but women do the same thing to thier husbands, so...you have to look at yourself and think about why your husband doesn't do those things anymore...do you still do them? how is your overall attitude toward him? or even toward yourself when he's around? have you gotten "lazy" about your appearance? there are all sorts of things to consider (for both husbands and wives...these questions can go for either one).
2006-07-31 07:58:02 · answer #1 · answered by mjboog2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
None of mine! When I married my husband I was well bred, cultured, educated, professional and attractive. I still am. We adore each other and of course we admire each other's qualities and say so but if he suddenly lost the plot and told me that I was of no value I would simply KNOW he had lost the plot! You seem to have a very jaded view of marriage. Who says that intimacy is no longer initiated? who says there are no compliments? Marriages between people who love each other but who can stand alone as fine individuals are the best kind. We laugh, dance, debate, and make passionate love frequently, and we have been married for years!
2006-07-31 15:06:32 · answer #2 · answered by Kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A females self-worth is within their hands of development. Men (husbands) don't have a clue of what you think or feel about your abilities. Females with a strong independence intimidate most guys. If things aren't what you what them to be then do what makes you happy to try & change it for the better. If he has a problem with it he will let you know.
2006-07-31 15:01:14 · answer #3 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a large part, because if you love someone (and otherwise, why would you be married...), of course you value his opinion. If that opinion is sarcastic and mean, and it does not value you, you are quite likely to put yourself down as well.
That is a form of abuse, you know? have a look at this list
http://www.womanabuseprevention.com/html/emotional_abuse.html
Even if - and I hope so - it is not as bad in your case, you definitely have to find a way to re-value yourself and to pull yourself up.
A woman should be someone by herself. But the goal of interpersonal relationships (including marriage) is to get love and support (and some sex on occasions... ;) ). Let us all never forget this.
2006-07-31 14:52:40 · answer #4 · answered by OneLilithHidesAnother 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A woman shouldn't be expected to look past that. Her husband needs to treat her with respect and he if he fails to do so then she has options and must do what's best for her.
2006-07-31 14:49:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
80%
You should NEVER be expected to look past anything deragatory by your husband.
see a marriage counselor. If he won't go, u go by yourself, and I bet u will end up leaving him.
2006-07-31 15:02:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybey you need a life coach to help you before you canhelp you marriage. every thing startswith self. you may find someting out that may suprise you. like you may need to move on
2006-07-31 14:47:24 · answer #7 · answered by bigsexyhair 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Damn, it sounds like you've seen my marriage!!!
2006-07-31 15:06:51 · answer #8 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋