How do you live with the hurt from bi-polar person, serious answers please.?

Question

My mom is bi-polar and/or may be getting alzheimers. She is in her mid 60's and says things out of context more & more. This started after divorcing my dad ( 7 years ago) she has has said hurtful things to me & then says she is pulling my leg. I've tried to love her at a distance but her assualts are too much. I told her how much she hurts me and 3 days later she yelled and screamed on the phone, I held the phone away and felt like the world was ending for me saying nothing. I have decided for my mental well-being it is best to not speak to her unless she needs me mentally or physically. How do you get past the horrible pain of someone being so compassionate & taking great care of you while you were young & after a divorce they change to
Dr.Jekyll mr Hyde in a moments notice. I have a child, husband, & close friend whom are wonderful but their not my mom. The emtipness & lonliness is so hard right now, any thoughts???

Answer 1

This is sounding like Alzheimers to me.

Has she been checked out by someone qualified? She should.

About coping: I'm sorry to hear this. I know this must be really hard. There are probably groups in your area for people in this situation. Talking to people who are going through the same thing can very healing. Also, some of them may know of good coping strategies.

Try to remind yourself that it isn't her fault -- there's strange stuff going on in her brain that makes her act like this.

Get support from those other folks in your life.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

Ok, here is some advice. My roommate/partner is bi-polar with homicidal/suicidal tendancies. How I handle it is with the help of her being on some serious medications. If your mom is not seeing a doctor for her bi-polar condition or refuses to take her meds it can be tough. Before my partner had her meds I had to look for signs of her mood swings and act accordingly. When she would start getting depressed I had to hide the weapons. When she was in her manic phase I could hardly keep up. I would in a very compassionate way suggest to her that she sees a doctor. I know you cannot force her, but it will eventually come to a point where her words will become actions. That can cause serious harm to herself or someone else.

I understand abou Alzheimers as well. My grandmother gradually lost her battle with it and one month before her death was fully effected by dementia. It was sad and painful to tell her everytime I visited her that I was her son's daughter. With that without proper continual stimulation it will only get worse faster. Alzheimers is incurable and painful for the family to watch as your loved ones mental faculties degrade to non-cognative. Get her to a doctor.

Answer 3

Sometimes separating yourself is a hard desision, but it can be the best. I have been in a similar situation. It is hard to get past the fact that it is not my fault, it is even harder to get past the fact that it isn't that persons fault and that they really don't mean the hurtful things they say and do.

Bipolar people can be so difficult because you can't talk them into being happier or nicer. It's just that way. If your mom is getting the treatment she needs, or is atleast safe and able to function, separating yourself might be the best thing.

I know that you asked specifically about the pain. I myself joined a support group for people that are in your very position. I found this group on-line in sort of a chat room setting so there are no meetings to go to. Support groups are not for everybody, but it helps to talk to someone who has been there as well.

Good luck

Answer 4

Accept your mom for who / and what she is ... Dont put meaning behind it. Love her the way you want to..and let her be her. If she needs to yell, dont take it personal..its just what she needs to do at the time.. If you think she is getting alzheimers, then maybe she needs to seek help for treatment, as this is serious. Try not to make what she says to you that she doesnt love you... it just is what it is.. talk yourself thru it when it happens. You dont have to respond-or fight back... if she is experiencing alzheimers, she may not know what she is saying or doing. You can be Yourself..regardless of how she is.... People teach us how to react to them... she may be wanting a certain reaction out of you... and is not getting it...just be you..and let her be her..and you will be happier..you cant change her..you can only work on yourself... good luck.

Answer 5

think about a mood sickness of a few type yet purely a pro ought to help you with a dx on that. You aspect out that you had a era of self-harm yet did not aspect out in case you nevertheless had those urges, it is likewise something that you want help to get by. Your age extremely ought to have some impact because of hormones, they extremely can smash havoc on all of us's body. From young ones, to pregnant women, women that are having classes, andmenopausall (they areactuallyy looking that both men and females go by this) so the hormones can extremely mess people up both bodily and mentally. You aspect out that you replaced and positively are literally not conventional by technique of your team of friends, the position the transformations in you something they couldn't take care of? or the position the transformations in them also part of what drove the wedge? both way dropping your convenience in people you became on the point of may reason some melancholy and feeling of isolation. in case you nevertheless sense this kind you extremely could stumble on a thanks to push your self to open up adequate to have your GP deliver you to acounsellorr (or contained in the period in-between in case you ought to even summon up the braveness to talk with a schoolcounsellorr) because if there's a chemical imbalance causing this you may get help. the base line is the longer you sense this kind without help the more effective sturdy that's to get more effective constructive. sturdy luck!!

Answer 6

I'm very sorry about what you are going through. You need to tell yourself that it's not your mom hurting you, it's her disease. If she were not sick, she would not hurt you like she is. You have to love her, but distance yourself from the crazyness the best you can. Keep the memories of what a wonderful Mother she was when she was well with you and let go of the rest! This is such a heartbreaking disease! Best of luck to you.

Answer 7

Just remember that, if she has been diagnosed with bi-polar, that the mean side of her is not really her talking, but her sickness. I know it doesn't make the pain stop, but remembering that she really does love you can help.

If she's not on medication for it, ask her (on a good day, of course) if she would be willing to seek help. Tell her it's because you love her, but you need her help, too.

Answer 8

Dont get hurt yourself, support your mother at this time.

Don't regard this as a family disgrace or a subject of shame. Mood disorders are biochemical in nature, just like diabetes, and are just as treatable.

Don't nag, preach or lecture to the person. Chances are he/she has already told him or herself everything you can tell them. He/she will take just so much and shut out the rest. You may only increase their feeling of isolation or force one to make promises that cannot possibly be kept. ("I promise I'll feel better tomorrow honey". "I'll do it then, okay?")

Guard against the "holier-than-thou" or martyr-like attitude. It is possible to create this impression without saying a word. A person suffering from a mood disorder has an emotional sensitivity such that he/she judges other people's attitudes toward him/her more by actions, even small ones, than by spoken words.

Don't use the "if you loved me" approach. Since persons with mood disorders are not in control of their affliction, this approach only increases guilt. It is like saying, "If you loved me, you would not have diabetes!"

Avoid any threats unless you think it through carefully and definitely intend to carry them out. There may be times, of course, when a specific action is necessary to protect children. Idle threats only make the person feel you don't mean what you say.

If the person uses drugs and/or alcohol, don't take it away from them or try to hide it. Usually this only pushes the person into a state of desperation and/or depression. In the end, he/she will simply find new ways of getting more drugs or alcohol if he/she wants them badly enough. This is not the time or place for a power struggle.

On the other hand, if excessive use of drugs and/or alcohol is really a problem, don't let the person persuade you to use drugs or drink with him/her on the grounds that it will make him/her use less. It rarely does. Besides, when you condone the use of drugs or alcohol, it is likely to cause the person to put off seeking necessary help.

Don't be jealous of the method of recovery the person chooses. The tendency is to think that love of home and family is enough incentive to get well, and that outside therapy should not be needed. Frequently the motivation of regaining self-respect is more compelling for the person than resumption of family responsibilities. You may feel left out when the person turns to other people for mutual support. You wouldn't be jealous of their doctor for treating them, would you?

Don't expect an immediate 100% recovery. In any illness, there is a period of convalescence. There may be relapses and times of tension and resentment.

Don't try to protect the person from situations, which you believe they might find stressful or depressing. One of the quickest ways to push someone with a mood disorder away from you is to make them feel like you want them to be dependent on you. Each person must learn for themselves what works best for them, especially in social situations. If, for example, you try to shush people who ask questions about the disorder, treatment, medications, etc., you will most likely stir up old feelings of resentment and inadequacy. Let the person decide for themselves whether to answer questions, or to gracefully say, "I'd prefer to discuss something else, and I really hope that doesn't offend you".

Don't do for the person that which he/she can do for him/herself. You cannot take the medications for him/her; you cannot feel his/her feelings for him/her; and you can't solve his/her problems for him/her. So don't try. Don't remove problems before the person can face them, solve them, or suffer the consequences.

Do offer love, support and understanding in the recovery, regardless of the method chosen. For example, some people choose to take medications, some choose not to. Each has advantages and disadvantages (more side-effect versus higher instances of relapse, for example). Expressing disapproval of the method chosen will only deepen the person's feeling that anything they do will be wrong.

Answer 9

if u tell her it hurts ur feeling and then she says ur overreacting or something just dont talk to her for awhile and then she'll know it really did hurt u. also could u put on ur e mail address i cant send u back.but ur e mail did go through to me. : )from,
raven

Answer 10

i tried to email you (regarding the same issues we were having with the difficult parents), but when i tried to reply, it said that your email was not verified...? plz email me at [e-mail] to chat :)