Someone please tell me something happy or funny?

Question

I am so tied of all this stuf with war in the mid east and crime everywher I nead to know that the atherside still is ther aswell

Answer 1

There once was a husband and wife who were unable to have children. After consulting everyone who would listen to their problem, they were still unsatisfied. Finally, they consulted their family priest.

"My children," the priest began, "The Lord will listen to your prayers, and I am sure that you will be blessed with children shortly. In fact, I am planning an extended stay in Rome, and while I'm visiting the Vatican, I will light a candle for you."

"Thank you, Father, thank you!" said the couple.

Before leaving, the priest turned and said, "I am sure everything will work out just fine for you. My stay in Rome will be for quite some time--15 years. But when I return, I will be sure to pay you a visit."

And so, 15 years came and went, and the priest returned to the States.

While resting on his porch one mid-summer morning, he remembered the promise of paying a visit that he had made 15 years ago. So he made his way to their home, and upon arriving at the residence of the couple who'd sought his council years earlier, he rang the doorbell.

Sounds of crying and screaming children filled the air! Overjoyed by the thought that their prayers had been answered, he entered the house. More than a DOZEN children filled the house from top to bottom! In the midst of all the chaos, stood the wife.

"My dear," the priest said, "your prayers have been answered! And where is your husband? I wish to congratulate him too on your miracle!"

"He just left for Rome," she said in a very desperate tone.

"Rome? Why did he go to Rome?" asked the priest.

"To blow out that candle you lit!

Answer 2

We'll if you want to get the most insane feeling of your life some it out of a bong. It's a lot smoother so you won't cough as much and the feeling is crazy compared to a joint or pipe. When you do it make sure you are with some friends, got some good munchies, got some netflix, and a comfortable spot and it's literally the best thing in the world. I earn you when you do it you will feel really weird like out of this world. You feel tall and when I was watching a movie you basically laugh at everything. Me and my friend always get the same feeling. When we are watching a movie we both thought for sure we have saw that movie before and we thought we new what was going to happen next but the next day I watched it again and it was totally different. When your high it feels so much more fun. If your not panicking ( trust me don't i did the first time and freaked out) it's the best thing in the world.

Answer 3

Tell Me Something Happy

Answer 4

GO GET YOUR MAMMIES GRAMMED

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
OK," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that’s fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooters in a vice!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vicelike grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenceless tit!

"Take a deep breath," she said to me,
Who does she think she’s kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE’S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone “ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.

I'd like to stick their balls in there,

And see how they come out!!

Answer 5

I'm going on holiday to Scotland on Saturday and will be away from the News for a week (cheers me up!).

My brother has got the gig singing for the Glitter Band at a festival in Germany in front of 15,000 people and he hasn't sung a note in years (makes me laugh!)

Think of things away from the News and you will find a reason to smile!!

Answer 6

When I was a kid I worked at a gas station in a very small town, about 900 people. These two women drove off without paying. I got the license plate number and called the police. Turns out the women were staying at the motel that our town's part-time cop owned. He went down and knocked on their door and got the money for the gas.

Answer 7

My beloved mother told me once when we lived in the same building and I had gone to her apartment for some reason or other any way I heard her coming down the stairs and went out to meet her. I asked mama didn't you hear me at the door she look straight at me and say with out a slip. "I would have came , I could have came , but company came and I couldn't get to the door , but I was coming. It took me a while to figure it out now you figure it out it's a doosey!! LOL

Answer 8

My hen just hatched 5 baby chicks yesterday. 3 white and 3 grey. They are adorable.
Plus, a stray that came to my house just had 6 adorable kittens. 2 white, 2 orange and 2 grey.

Answer 9

I saw some punk who deals drugs on a regular basis stack his new bike the other day. The cops came, and I would like to know what they found on him.
1st stop the cop shop....2nd clink.... you beautiful thing.
The other funny thing is I sent a student down to Physiotherapy for a " long weight". He came back a few hrs later.

Answer 10

We saw Christmas trees for sale in the mall (shopping centre) this morning. Its the 31 July.

Perhaps one of the funniest things I've witnessed lately was when my 5 year old niece farted and then tried to blame her grandfather. When he denied it she said "but grandpa, I saw your pants (trousers) vibrate"