What would you do in this situation?

Question

Your married and you have a good relationship, or at least you think so. One day your partener withdraws all the money in your shared savings account (£5000, $10,000).
After a few years, getting over what your partener has done and trying to get in contact with them, you move on and start dating and file for a divorce. Your partener who ran off, is very bitter about this and files for everything that you own in a bitter divorce battle. They loose the case and everything is fine, you guys don't talk afterwards.
5 years later your ex-partener calls and askes you for references so that they can adopt a child, because they personally, can't have any and need some references to help them to become a parent.

would you do give them a reference, even after all of what they have put you through?

Answer 1

Sure why not. Your ex-partner gave you grief, dishonesty, mistrust and pettiness, so why not let your ex-partner pass that on to some unsuspecting defenseless naive child who will be putting their future & survival into your ex-patner's hands. Hooray! Hooray!
A future WARD of the STATE!!!!

C'mon!!! Get a grip on reality!!!!

PS DID ANYONE NOTICE THE WRITER WAS NOT GENDER SPECIFIC!!!

Answer 2

Please note: I have used "he" for your "ex-partner" for ease of reading.

You have to examine this very carefully.

Why do you think your ex feels he has a right to:
(1) abandon you without warning in the middle of your marriage; (2) abscond with your portion of the shared savings;
(3) aggravate the divorce process when you have moved on and wish to terminate the marriage legally; and
(4) call you for a reference so that he can adopt a child?

Your ex-partner treats you this way because you allow him to! Plain and simple.

You have not established clear-cut boundaries for this disturbed person, which is why he continues to intermittently "pop up" in your life, like a weed, causing needless chaos and confusion.

From your synopsis, your ex-partner has demonstrated a pattern of behavior that makes him unfit as a "partner" and a parent. He has deeply flawed character issues and needs to do some soul-searching to find the peace of mind he so desperately needs.

However, you need to have a heart-to-heart talk with your ex and tell him that you can NOT give a reference for reasons you both know why. And while you are at it, remind him to never call you or write you again, because, quite frankly, you can do bad by your damn self and deserve better.

Ditch the experience and keep the lesson!

Answer 3

The nerve of some people. I can't imagine what they were thinking. Do you know anything about how this person have been living their life since the divorce? Maybe they have honestly changed, but what they did to you was very wrong, and a child doesn't need that kind-of-a person in their lives. If they honestly changed and you know this for a fact, then I would proably help, for the child's sake. There are alot of children out there that need a good home, GOOD home. But without knowing anything about them-then no, I wouldn't give them a reference unless it was for a loan shark to get my money back. God bless us all.............

Answer 4

I honestly would give him a referance. As he actually wants to do some good in his life for a change. Giving a child a loving home has got to come higher than any bad feelings that he has put you through. Just think about it differantly, You! will be helping a child to have a parent, not helping some rat who tried to get more money. That is how I would look at it hun.

Answer 5

Honey, I wouldn't give that person the time of day. Obviously they were being selfish by taking all that money out of the shared savings account and not disscusing it with you first. I could understand if he took out a couple hundred out but it seemed like he was robbing u. That money was yours to and the right thing to do was to let you know about it first so you wouldnt be surpried. You said he ran off and tried to get everything you own!!! Girl he was trying to make you homeless and your going to give advise on how he can ADOPTED a child, I wouldent even answer my phone when he calls. Since he thinks he such a hot shot you should let him find the answers hisself. Be that harsh to him because he wasnt thinking about being conciderate to you. WHAT GOSE AROUND COMES AROUND!

Answer 6

After everything that he has done to you, you can't honestly give a good reference. Tell him that your flattered he would think of you, but you don't feel comfortable being a reference. On a side note would you honestly want this type of person raising a child?

Answer 7

You know, people do change, but i wouldn't givwe him a reference, because you personally, have not seen him change.
If you knew he was different, that might be another story, but that last thing that you knew about him was that he was a thief, a liar, and he abandond you. Honestly, if you don't know that he has become a better person, I wouldn't give him the opportunity to screw up a child's life.

Answer 8

I probably wouldn't want to be involved at all.

You could be vindictive and be a BAD reference, tell the adoption agency that this person stole all your money and ran off and would probably be a bad parent.

But he careful, if you go the vindictive route, this person might sue your for slander or liable.

To be on the safe side... just STAY OUT of this one!!

Answer 9

i would give the new wife an earful of what he did to you. then i would tell her that there is no way in hell i would give him a "good" reference for a child and that if he really wanted a good one he can pay me back all the money he stole from me.

good luck ma'am.

Answer 10

Hell no, this person had no regard for you or your well being, left you out to dry. and now wants your help?? I'm surpriised you even replied to that non-sense. Cut 'em off and never talk to them again.