Am I a insensitive jerk?

Question

Here is the deal. My wife and I have been married for 18 ys w/kids.
I am a recovering alcoholic(31/2 years, go to meetings weekly, have sponsor went to rehab and outpaitent for 3 mos. did the whole deal). She was diagnosed with bipolar disease last year. She went manic and said our marriage was over, called me every name in the book and left for a week. She came back, I supported her and made sure she got treatment. But she never apologized for what she said but just apologized for haveing a manic episode. Ok, i move on. Now she is depressed and does not want sex (the first time ever in our marriage. Its been over two months. I made appt for her to see the pschy, she went but will not go back. She has lied about not having to go back for a month, but our therapist told me she is supposed to weekly. She has already said she will not go back to the treatment center. I am frustrated don't know what to do. She has totally isolated herself. What can I do?

Thanks for the advice. I read everything, been to treatment to help her. Just needed to hear it all again.

Answer 1

how does her attitude toward life make you an insensitive jerk? she obviously needs help. keep nagging her. get her in the car somehow (lie if you have to!) and take her to her appointments. have her put in the hospital for a week. talk to her therapist about her and see what he suggests. of course, if you dont like it get a second opinion. she obviously doesnt like her therapist...maybe find her a new one?

good luck.

Answer 2

Well that is a hard disorder to deal with! There must be some reason she is not going. I think she is scared. Maybe she feels she will always have to go away for treatment and not see you or the kids. Maybe she is trying to protect herself by not being close to anyone anymore. If I were you. I would try to find a differnt therapist. Sometimes after awhile people just dont like the same thing anymore. I would ask her. Do you think we should look for a new therapist together. i would also assure her that you will do whatever it takes to keep her out of the hospital again. Tell her you will go with her and be there just to hold her hand. You will not get involved in the discussion. You are just there for support. Tell her how much she means to you. maybe she needs a bit of romancing from you again to be sure she can really trust you. Take her out or spend a nice evening at home. Dont get mad at her and dont say things like you need help I cant take it anymore. Say things like I love you and I want you to overcome this. Be supportive you have to be. It takes a strong person to deal with people with these types of disorders. Good luck!

Answer 3

Bipolar disorder is a very complicated psychological disorder. Not only is it difficult for that person to live a normal life but it also make it hard for the people around them to live normally also. I have a lot of family experience with this disorder and its great that you have patience with your wife but this is extremely hard to deal with. If you have children, it will be even harder on them because they will see so many ups and downs that they will forget who their real mother is. This disorder is to be treated very delicately and you will have the responsibility to make sure she takes all her medication. If the medication is not taken regularly then another episode can occur. As for her sex drive, its the medication. The medication to treat bipolar disorder minimizes the sex drive or even the slightest urge. Antidepressants are the main drug used and if you look up the symptoms over the Internet maybe you will be more patient or just want to get out a little faster. I wish you all good luck because it will be a hard ride.

Answer 4

Your problem is quite severe. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. But hey, for your own sake, do not let this pull you down in any way. You dont want to go back to the bottle.

Your wife's problem is beyond her control. So you cannot expect her to make any attempt. You need to take guidance from her doctor or some social worker who could assist you with the task. If you have relatives living near by (her relatives) try to involve them to help you. One way or other, treatment is the only answer to your wife's problem.

Regarding her not apologising to you, and not wanting sex is understandable. She is going through the worst period in her life at the moment and actually needs your care and support. Just be nice to her. May God give you the strength to overcome this problem at the earliest. Good Luck.

Answer 5

Let her know that the behavior she is displaying is completely unacceptable. When your issues were taking their toll, you got help. This is a partnership, and now it is her turn. And congratulations! Glad to see someone rise above addiction. Keep up the awesome work. But as far as your wife goes, if she is not willing to get help for something that is just as severe as alcoholism, then maybe you should talk seperation until she can get it together. Let her know that you do love her, but you also have to think about your own burden, and how her behavior could really negetivley effect your sobriety as well. Good Luck!!

Answer 6

Sounds like she needs different medication. Try talking to her in a non threatening way that this is not how people are supposed to be with the right medication. If she doesn't listen, you may want to consider more aggressive actions. Maybe see if a physcologist or a social worker can come in and talk with her. Bring them to her since she won't go see them. I'm assuming this is affecting the kids and you need to look out for their interests as well.

Answer 7

Congrats on staying clean. Keep up the good work!! (Kudos to you ) I know what your going through is hard and I do not have anyone bipolar in my life, so I cannot speak from experience. The one thing I have to say is dont let your marriage fall apart because of it. You have been to gether for almost 20 years and have beautiful children together. Try tp keep your head up and ask G_d for help. He always comes through for me. I wish I could be more helpful.

Answer 8

Bipolar is TRICKY! My husband has it too.

She needs therapy and medication and a LOT of exercise. When my hubby gets on a downer, there is nothing I can do to force him to take his meds, or see a doc. He isolates himself, too... but if I try to get us to take the dogs for a jog, or head to the gym to lift some weights, he snaps out of it in a few days and THEN when he is in a stable state of mind, we can talk about therapy and medicine and he is more open to trying things. It's hard when they are on a down to try to do ANYTHING! They have to help themselves. I am lucky that his ups usually consist of a lot of laughter, cleaning and fixing things around the house. His ups can be weird, but not detrimental to our marriage.

I also suggest that YOU seek counseling to help learn techniques on how to handle your wife's swings. A support group might be a good place for you to learn from others and know that you aren't the only one out there dealing with this.

Answer 9

you cant make her go to the therapist. Concentrate on your own recovery you are doing a great thing for yourself. Maybe some day she will wake up,but sometimes that not until it's too late.You are the master of your own destiny not hers, she may choose to wreck her life don't be on board when she does.Good luck to you

Answer 10

tell her that she has to go. right now she is not in her right mind and i can tell that she is not her usual self, so just get her some serious treatment and after she is back to her normal self calmly bring up all those hateful things she said and tell her how much it hurt you and im sure she'll say that she's really sorry