I'm 19 and 3 month pregnant, my bf lives 3600 miles away and is 28, I made a big mistake and lied and said I was on BC, now I'm pregnant. First he demanded I get an abortion and I nearly did, but could not go through with it. Now he demands I have to move out there and I'm so depressed because I don't want leave here. He tells me I wrecked his life and I'm selfish and I know I am, and I'm sorry , but if I go and leave all my family and my home I'll be so unhappy. I asked him if I could bring my dog with me and he yelled at me and said No. I don't leave everything what can I do?
2006-07-31 06:57:14 · 29 answers · asked by Danielle W 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I just wanted to say thank you to everyone, for their advice and kind words.
2006-07-31 07:07:59 · update #1
Give the baby up for adoption. There are plenty of mature, responsible couples who cannot have children and would adopt yours. You are definitely too young, immature, and childish to be someone's mother. You got yourself intot his by being a liar, don't punish the child by being more selfish than you have been already!
2006-07-31 07:02:33 · answer #1 · answered by dh1977 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't need that kind of treatment or him-and you are not selfish.You made a mistake and you did the right thing by not getting an abortion. Tell your family and rally around their support. Don't let your bf make you do anything-imagine what kind of life you and your child would live if you went there with him-He's not going to change just because your their. He had sex just as much as you did and you didn't ruin anyones life. Be strong and if he can't be supportive and loving-when the baby comes, just make him pay child support and tell him he can see the baby if he wants to-but don't let him hurt you by making you feel that way-you did nothing wrong. Be strong. You have to look out for 2 of you now
2006-07-31 07:02:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you, for not going through with the abortion! You don't say where you are now, but if I were you I'd plan on staying where you are. Your family will support you in need much better than your BF. And you'll find more help close by, not 3600 miles away. Ask your family, friends, pastor (even if you're not a church-goer, any pastor will be happy to help you), city/county agencies, etc. Go to your local library and ask the librarian (not the assistant, not the clerk) to help you find pregnancy and parenting resources. There's actually lots of help for you out there if you know where to look, and librarians are trained for that. May God bless you and your little one!
2006-07-31 07:19:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, this guy sounds like bad news. It doesnt matter what you said about being on BC. What does matter is you are going to have a baby. And it is his, the fact that he would have you kill it because he is not man enough to step up and be a dad tells me all about this guy. If he already harbours these resentful feelings toward you and your baby, if you move there he will probably just be abusive to you and your baby. My gf was on bc when she got pregnant with my first and i wasnt ready for kids either. but I could not imagine trying to force somebody to get an abortion, icouldnt imagine how anyone could not want to keep something that is part of them. Dont get me wrong I support a womans right to choose but I dont understand it. All I know is if this guy is already being abusive over the phone just imagine what it will be like when he has you 3600 miles away from your family or anyone who cares about you. If I were you I would stay right there with you family and your puppy, and have that baby. Then order up dna tests on that bastard and sue for child suppot.
2006-07-31 07:18:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all it is not just your fault, it took the two of you to make that baby! Secondly your not the one being selfish- he is... If I know anything your family will be there so don't turn your back on them! They will be there to support you. And just like my family told me this is the most important part of your pregnancy so you don't need to be stressed or concerned about what the father is going to do. Girl hold your head up and tell that trifling dude that he has the decision to be there for his child and if he don't your child will not miss out on anything that he don't provide. Let him know that the only thing y'all have to talk about is the baby and if anything is happening then you will let him know other than that he needs not to worry about you! You are 19 and still have allot going for yourself.. Trust me I know cause I'm 18, three months pregnant, getting ready to began college, and working, and the dad is 23 and was making some of the same "demands" but I wasn't having it. Even if he isn't there and you feel like he should pay then hit him where it hurts-his wallet..lol but on a more serious note you CAN DO IT by yourself and you DO NOT NEED HIM FOR ANYTHING!!!!! He should step up and be a MAN instead of a little boy who is looking just to get his dick wet!! Good luck Girl and hey you have the support you need to make it without him!!!
2006-07-31 07:18:19 · answer #5 · answered by pregnant&stilgoingtocollege 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go out there. You sound like a very level-headed girl, b/c you didn't go through w/ an bortion if you weren't 100% sure about it. You should be proud! That's a very big decision. So is having a child. You have to realize that it is hard, first of all. I'm not going to lie about it. But, if you move out there, this guy isn't going to make things better. He sounds like a jerk. I'm sure you weren't ruining his life when you were having sex with him, but now it's the end of his world when you get pregnant?! I don't think so. If you have a supportive family, great! But, if you do not, there is TONS of assistance that is out there to help single parents. I wish you knew how much of a blessing a baby is, and that it's not supposed to be such a hard time for you. Try to keep your spirits up! Once you hold that beautiful baby, you are going to realize how much of a mistake it would've been to have an abortion. Please, ask for help. People are willing to help. Whatever you do, don't move out there with this guy! If he decides to be part of your child's life, than Great! Let him come to you. Moving away is hard ans scary enough when you are doing it on your own. But with a baby, you are going to have learn how to be a mommy, too. I kow it sounds like a lot, but believe me...it's worth it. I have two children and they are my world. You'll see soon enough that there is nothing like a mother's love. God bless. Good luck. Please don't do anything you don't want to do. You seem to have a very good head on your shoulders.
2006-07-31 07:09:32 · answer #6 · answered by Jessi-lala 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he is abusive. You should have never lied to him in the first place and let this be a learning experience for you. Tell him if he wants you to move in with him to marry you first. Otherwise you will be taking care of this baby on your own and getting him for child support later. He is right you did mess up his life as well as your own for what reason I do not know. You will have to figure this one out on your own. Just do not move in with him till he marries you first. You are young and he is 28, he has more experience in life than you do. He does not want a baby so if you move out there he could be setting you up and probably will hurt you and the baby. So stay where you are at, have the baby, get him for child support and stop lying to men about being on BC when you know you are not. Having a baby does not keep a man around unless you are married already. Especially when you are dealing with an older man such as him. He probably already has kids with another woman and you just do not know about it.
2006-07-31 07:04:07 · answer #7 · answered by Coast2CoastChat.com 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going to agree with the people that said you should consider adoption for your baby because I was in the same boat I was pregnant at 17 the father was 27 and he yelled at me and told me I had to live by him and leave my family and friends and I went for a little bit and boy was I sorry I went. He yelled at me for everything and he pushed me down the stairs because he said he wanted to kill the baby because he was too young to be a dad and that he was not ready to be a dad. Well I went on the computer and looked for people that were wanting to adopt a baby and found a family for her because adoption agencies are very expensive. But as soon as he found out I was putting the bay up for adoption after I sighned my rights off for the adoption to go through he took her and ran. Now I am married to a nice guy and we can't have children at all so we have to find someone that is looking to give their baby up for adoption. And who knows you might be that Angel sent from God to help me and my husband be able to adopt your baby or if not us maybe people like us that can not have children at all that would love too though. If you ever want to talk you can message me on yahoo messenger or e-mail me at kitten16_18@yahoo.com if you ever need totalk about anything anything at all. I promise I will be here for you no matter what. And I never break my promises.
2006-07-31 07:21:59 · answer #8 · answered by kitten16_18 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please talk to your parents or other older people (family members, teachers, clergy...). If he is yelling and demanding, you should not be around him. He could harm you and the baby. If he is threatening you, get a restraining order.
No one can demand that you have an abortion. You are an adult and your body is your own.
You did lie to him and that is why he is angry, but he needs to grow up and face reality. Being angry is not going to help things.
What you need to do now, in my opinion, is get your support system in place. Rally your friends and family to help and support you. Don't let him around if he is going to be negative and controlling and threatening.
And, regardless of anything, even if you would have been on birth control, birth control pills can fail. He decided not to use a condom, and he is just as responsible for this baby as you are.
Best of luck. You are in my thoughts and prayers. DO NOT move away from your family and friends. Let him come to you.
2006-07-31 07:06:54 · answer #9 · answered by Leah 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he's an abusive guy...
I think you should stay where you are...you'll be happier. You need to think about the baby and the life you'll be able to provide. If you stay home with your family you'll have tons of love and support from them to help you out. It doesn't sound like this guy cares at all. Children are so special and gifts from God. It is not fair to any child to put them in an unloving abusive environment. Keep the baby with you where you are now. If he wants to be involved then let him come to you for a supervised visit with the baby when you're ready.
Good luck!
2006-07-31 07:38:32 · answer #10 · answered by Jacob's Mommy (Plus One) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay with you family sweetie. The guy is a 28 year old immature, selfish child and at 28 that is most probably all he will ever be! Not someone you want to live with or even worse allow your child to live with. He sounds as tho he would abuse the both of you.
2006-07-31 07:05:10 · answer #11 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋