I've been with this same guy for about six years, our kids are two and five years old. I am very unhappy in this relationship for many of reasons, and I don't know where to turn. There are things that he does that i don't approve of, however i knew he was into that when i met him. My expectations have changed a great deal since we became a family. I cheated on him about two years ago, he forgave me and begged for me to go back to him, i told i would try it out. Two years later, im not happy and i don't want to be with him. I thought i could get back into the groove of things, but i don't love him that way anymore. How do i tell him that we can no longer be together and be civil about handling the kids, house, bills? I am lost and he has a low self esteem and i feel i might set him over the edge. Im currently going to a therapist to deal with my emotions that i have trouble expressing. i know the longer i wait the harder it will be. Help!!!
2006-07-31 06:48:46 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Get out It will be hard and part of you is scared on where will you go how will you support you kids on your own but if you have had enough and there is nothing there anymore dont stay around for the kids sake it will in the long run hurt them just as bad as you are hurting now. When you leave him it will be hard but you will feel better when you see that you have become a person that takes care of yourself and your kids on your own.And you will also be happy you dont need a man to make you happy you have your kids to make you happy
2006-07-31 06:54:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, the longer you wait the harder it is, the more bitter it will be, and the more people will be hurt (not just him but the children as well). If you do not love him, tell him so. Get on with both of your lives. Do you want to be in this same place five years from now thinking of the time you wasted? If you are unable to express yourself with him staring at you, then write it down and give it to him. When he is done reading it, it will start the conversation/argument. You have to let him know he can do hell of alot better than you. Face it he can. If you don't love him, he deserves someone who will. You cheated on him, he deserves someone who will be faithful. You also deserve love as well. There is no easy ground when there is a divorce in play. The best you can do is be fair about the bills, house, children, etc. If he is a good parent then give him joint custody. Split the bills evenly along with the house (unless he owned the house prior to your marriage). Make sure you act like an adult and don't be greedy.
2006-07-31 07:04:10 · answer #2 · answered by trustnoone_ever 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask him to go to the theripist with you. That way there is a mediator when you are telling him how you feel.. It will be hard, but you can be civil about things. I am in the same situation, I just try to stay for my daughter... Its fine during the day but after she goes to bed the fighting starts.....she's still young but in a few years she will understand what we are saying... Anyways.....Just do the right thing and tell him you aren't happy. settle things out with the kids and bills and decide on the best solutions..... Good Luck
2006-07-31 06:55:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue to go tho therapy and talk about it. This will help you to be strong. The best you can do is be honest with your guy. There is not an easy way to tell him how you feel, just do it. If you don't tell him, you may end up having another afair, which will hurt your union even more. Not only that, the guy seems like he really loves you guys, he wants his family together. Another afair could make him go off the deep end and hurt you or himself. Don't play with peoples feellings. Get out if that is what you want to do. Good Luck to you and your family. Another family, torn apart, it saddens me so. Peace.
2006-07-31 07:07:42 · answer #4 · answered by Poetess_4U 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every Lady living with a male and not married to him needs to read this story! Marriage does not mean all relationship issues will
go away, but it helps allot, too, if you both love, as you claim to, what is the issue.
Lady, Grow up, take responsibility for yourself. Ask you family for help as far as a place to stay is concerned. Get your own place, far way from him, that town, that city.
Join one of the military services. You may have to give authority to you mother to care for the children to get in, but after, you can take back your authority. (You do this with a Limited Power Of Attorney in which you specify the dates and what is allowed/not allowed and that you can take the children back when ever you want to) You will have housing, medical and dental care, and you will be making your own money and being trained so that you will have a profession when your enlistment is up. Three years for the Army, 4 years for the Air Force.
Ladies, you need to stop living with males that you are not married to! Your status to them is: Free, Easy, Convenient, All I Want, No Strings Attached SEX, with my clothes washed, meals cooked and bed made.
2006-07-31 07:10:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
u leave n get happy..it isnt as hard as u think it is, n there is someone out there who will want to be with u even though u have 2 kids..u cant really worry about his self esteem and all he wont go kill himself they may say they will but they dont, but u have to worry bout u n ur kids being happy so just focus on urself for a change..i go to theropy too but u know unless u make that move to make urself happy u will be in this rut for along time.
2006-07-31 07:00:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sit him down and let him no how you feel tell it to him straight don't beat around be up front and honest.come to some agreement about the kids maybe he gets them on the weekend,if he don't work maybe he can keep the kids while your at work.but if your scared of what he might do have someone else there with you when you do it someone you can trust.if you do not have money saved start saving.hope this helps
2006-07-31 06:59:02 · answer #7 · answered by BIG MOMMA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You probably aren't gonna want to hear this but here goes, you will never find true happiness until or unless you seek to know what true love is and where it comes from, and have an affair with the author of the book of love.
2006-07-31 06:57:07 · answer #8 · answered by Onak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well yea the longer you wait the worse it will get. well you just have to do it and worry about everything as it comes. dont think of the whole big picture youre just going to have to deal with it one day at a time. that is the only advice i can give.
Good Luck and stay strong!
2006-07-31 06:54:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Time to move on. Why be with someone if your unhappy?
You are better off being alone and happy. There are plenty of women who are single mothers and are making it. You can too. You are too young to be this depressed and held down. Life is too short to be wasting it with someone who doesn't mean anything to you anymore.
2006-07-31 06:53:22 · answer #10 · answered by Chingona 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋