My wife was in iraq and was talking threw e mails to another soldier. I asked her about this solider because he text her phone once and she lied and he called and she lied and then I found some emails. I am crazy in love with her. I would die for her and i would give her the world. the emails hurt me real bad but she said nothing ever happened she was just flirting. She said she never had sex with him. She said she is real sorry and she does not know how to make this better. She said she loves me and does not want to lose me over nothing like this. She says that she wants to be with me and would do what ever it takes to make this right. Should I give her another chance our should I just walk out on her when I come back from Iraq
2006-07-31 05:33:27 · 57 answers · asked by kinghillery 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would wait until you came home and find out what happened some women get really lonley and just need some male attention it does not mean they are cheating just calm down and stick with it for now until it is proven that she cheated
2006-07-31 05:36:47 · answer #1 · answered by rebecca 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself: Is this something I can forgive? Face it, you can't forget it, and you shouldn't. But if you can truly forgive her, then sure, why not give her another chance.
My husband and I agree that an affair starts with a friendship. If your wife is smart and sincere, she won't behave in ways that will compromise her relationship with you. Now, she is lonely and missing you, so she is looking for attention and validation from another man because she can't get it right now. However, if she wants to have a good marriage with you, then she needs to make friends with some women, and hang out with them. She really--no matter where you are or when you're coming back--needs to stay away from the other men!
I don't remember which base this happened, but a bunch of wives of soldiers in Iraq got together and started training for a marathon together. The bonded and exercised, and they completed the marathon. I read it in Runner's World magazine. Good luck!
2006-07-31 05:42:56 · answer #2 · answered by Michelle M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody's advice is going to be the answer you are looking for! You need to do what you know is right in your heart for you and your wife. If both of you are soldiers and have been in Iraq, you both are lonely being apart from each other. If you really want to stay with your wife, you might seek some sort of counciling or something like that.
Follow your heart, that is the true advice anyone will ever receive. It is your marriage, not everyone else.
2006-07-31 05:50:00 · answer #3 · answered by shining_halo_bks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It amazes me that people confess love then is able to hurt the love are suppose to be in love with so easily. I would give her another chance, but she really would have to prove that she is willing to do anything not to loose you. She broke her wedding vows, she committed adultery, I know you you said their was no sex involved, but she gave that other soldier something and her time and emotions that belong to you. I don't want to use the war as an excuse, but it could be a big factor in your case. First of all, I would seek out a good marriage counsler. She would have to break off all contact with man. She has a lot of work ahead of her-getting your trust back. If she willing, yes, give it another go, but I just wouldn't jump right back right where you left off before this happened...Talk to her, find out what happened that she felt like she needed to look in another direction. so it won't happen again..Second of all, can you forgive her, can live the rest of your life without ever mentioning this again, you can't get mad and throw it up in her face, you are going to have to really forgive her, and learn to trust her again to make this work. If you don't think you do this honestly, then walk, Don't put yourself thru any more pain and heartache, but if you know in your heart of hearts that you can, then try if she will puts out the energy and focuses on her problems, this could make you a stronger and more loving couple. God bless us all..................
2006-08-02 17:39:57 · answer #4 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgive her, becasue if she telling the truth, maybe that guy really want her and she didn't want him and he still bugging her. If she didn't sleep with him I believe her because war there no way to have sex and if army see that it will be report.
She is really sorry means that what ever that guy did making things worst for us. She said that didn't know how to make it better because right now she at iraq risking her life over there for her country. She is not sure if she will make it out alive. She want to be with you, but she is stuck there, I know she thinking about you day she left and during war there. She didn't want to lose you over nothing like this. Mean, she didn't do anything. So guy try make it worst so you both break off and then he win. Stick with her and win her and he will lose big time.
Right now she has no time to think about what going on with that guy and phone calls stuff like that. She right now thinking about each day to see if she make it alive every single day. She need a husband to support her and being there for her to feel that she is safe. If you don't she might think end of marriage and getting her killed over this plm. If you seriouly love her forgive her and tell her that you love her everyday and I do forgive you and I want you home safe.
If you told her that now. she will feel much better safe and want to be home with you. YOu should be lucky man to have a woman. She is my hero and she fighting for our country and others soliders too are my hero.
Wish you luck and bring all Women and Men home safe.
2006-07-31 06:08:31 · answer #5 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my dear, you have been through so much where you are, this was the last thing you needed. If you both love each other so much, why not give it a chance and see how things go. Be smart, do not decide to bring a child into it (I know you did not mention it, but it happens when soldiers come back from so much distruction, they want to feel life and all of it's miracles - and who could blame them). Love each other and put these flirtations behind you, they were more than likely innocent.
God Bless you and bring you and your family together safely.
Good luck.
2006-07-31 05:41:33 · answer #6 · answered by auntb629 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she really loves you she would never have done anything that would have hurt your feelings.
The fact that she lied about "flirting" leads me to believe that she will or has lied about other things.
If you're going to fix this, you need marriage counseling.
I think that if you are not certain that you want a divorce, then you should try everything you can to fix your marriage, so that if it does come down to divorce, you can know, for yourself, that you did everything you could to save your marriage.
I personally think she's a proven liar. Someone who loves you would never put themselves in a position where "flirting" could happen. Innocent flirting is a one time complement, not regular correspondence, and phone calls. She knew that if you found out it would hurt you, and she chose to do it anyway.
2006-07-31 05:45:06 · answer #7 · answered by niffer's mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a lot of different ways to cheat on a person besides just sex. It sounds as if your wife has already left the relationship for another person's attentions. Granted, I know you love her and want to be with her. But, she either has to push this person out of her life completely or be done in your relationship. I am sorry for your situation and know what you have been through. That is how my cheating ex-fiancee started. She started by having conversations with her "friend" which turned into more. She also said that she wanted to spend her life with me too.
2006-07-31 05:38:41 · answer #8 · answered by nice_guyminnesota 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Certainly there's nothing wrong with being a bit concerned but if you have any trust in her why not believe what she says. Forgive me if I sound a bit conservative but her cell phone is hers and what you see when you look for something is not always what it look like. Maybe the words might have been a bit personal but were they comforting? Isn't comforting words something we long for? On the other hand, if something did occur between them, determine if it's something that just happened and can be stopped or, if her feelings are involved to where she can't stop. If it can be stopped and she's willing to then forgive her, never mention it again, and love her like it never happened. If she choose not to stop, then I suggest you forgive her but forget her too. It won't work for you and her if she refuse to let it go. I know, lots of ifs but everything need to be considered if there's true love between you two.
2006-07-31 06:00:07 · answer #9 · answered by Crickett 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you trust her and think that she did not cheat on you then give her another chance. She might just needed someone to talk to and that was all it was. If you do find out that she did cheat then you should leave her. I bet that you talked to other women and maybe if e-mailed them so give her a second chance. Make sure that you take to her about what you are going to do and if that is the only chance she is going to get amke sure that she knows that. Good luck.
2006-07-31 05:45:19 · answer #10 · answered by brown eyes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both are in a bad situation being overseas and in a war, I think all should be forgiven and when you get home move on if you love her.
Noone can understand better the loneliness felt in the military, then you both.
So, keep your communication open and love each other, it will work out as long as you both be honest and communicate as much as possible. My guy is there too, and I have just been through this. Download SKYPE. It is a great communication tool for you both to use for communicating.
2006-07-31 05:40:11 · answer #11 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋