How can I get over feeling worthless?

Question

It seems to me that no matter what I say or do my husband isn't satisfied with me. I asked a hypothetical Q about a female on tv last night and he... would he date her? In my mind I expected him to say.. no, she's not my type (totally different in every way from me), or of course not I'm married. He said, "She wouldn't want to date me." It wasn't a celebrity or anything, so in my head I heard him say, "Well, she's so much better than you are so she wouldn't date me" I got my feelings hurt so badly. I talked to him and he said that I shouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know. I wanted to know that he finds me atractive and that he wouldn't think of another women in that way... that's not what I found out though. I feel so worthless, like I will never be good enough for him. How can I get over that? How can I move on? I slept on the couch (assuming he didn't want to be near me since he hadn't spoken to me for an hour at that point) and now he has left for work....

without a good bye kiss. I am sitting here crying thinking that all my worst fears about him leaving me are going to come true if I can't find a way to not feel like this. Please help me in any way that you can.

Answer 1

First off, don't ask questions like that. You had the answer you wanted in your mind and that was not fair to your husband. And don't assume that he didn't want to sleep with you and sleep on the couch. Those are all games and you have to quit them at once.

Now what you need to do is pretty yourself up and let your husband take notice. Be sexy for him. Don't expect your husband to say too much with words because they are not built that way. It is in your head that you are worthless and unattractive. Show him the firecracker you are and one of the most sexiest things you can do is have confidence in yourself.

Now go get him!

Answer 2

First of all, what brought on the thought of even asking your husband this question? Your self worth should not depend on anything anyone says about you, this should be what you feel about yourself. You should be doing whatever you think is needed to make you happy and do what you want in life. He was right in you don't ask questions you don't want to hear answers too. You shouldn't want him to lie, it may come back to hunt you. So, stop being a vulnerable kid at heart and go for what you want out of life to let him see & know that you're independent woman if need be who's determined to get your way in life.

Answer 3

To paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt: "no one can make you feel anything without your permission"...you asked him a question hoping he'd give you the answer you were looking for. What you got is an honest answer from him and it hurt your feelings. Don't bait him like that if you're not going to be open minded enough to receive any answer that he gives. You are looking too much to your husband for validation of your own self worth. Do what YOU need to do to make yourself feel better. You need to look at yourself the way you want your husband to look at you...he is supposed to enhance you, not complete or define you. You are starting to lose your sense of self and it's up to you to get it back, not him. Just because he chose to not play your low self esteem game, doesn't mean he doesn't love you anymore or find you attractive...he just chooses to not play the game. Empower yourself and you'll see how beautiful your husband and the world sees you!!!

Answer 4

You want your husband to find you atractive... I have news for you: Winning and needyness are NOT atractive.
Being insecure is definetly not a sexy quality, being jealous of women on TV and setting your spouse up with hypotetical questions with no-win answers is definetly a big theratrical attemp on your part to seek his attention.

You think that with the drama you will draw enough attention to yourself for your husband to rescue you from the couch like a knight and beg you to come to bed while he worships your royal self. Come on! There are better ways of getting your spouse's attention and making these elaborate schemes are only hurting your marriage,

You say "I assumed.." or "In my head I head him say..." So this is ALL in your head, you set the situation up and now you don;t know hpw to handle the results. If you can't take it, don't give it. Stop reading into your husbands thoughts and words, as that is relationship poison.

Stop using your time with your husband to torture him. If you need reassurance look at your wedding band, he marry you for a reason and he goes to work to provide for you. You are emotionally torturing your spouse just because you are bored, needy and want attention deseperatly.

You have to reflect on your actions. This is all your fault and you are the one that needs to start apologizing. Your insecuritries and self steem issues are solely yours and he is not to blame for it.

Good luck

Answer 5

The women my husband likes to look at on T.V. seem to always be the complete opposite of me. My favorite celebrity is very similar to him, but I make sure that any other guy I look at is completely opposite of him, so he knows how it feels. It helps a little, try it. You are not worthless, but men will often treat us like we are. Specially when they know that we depend on them, they feel like they can say or do whatever they want to us and it's O.K. because we are part of their property, in their eyes. I think his responce to your question was the best he could come up with as an honest answer. It sounds like he has self esteem issues too. Unfortunately, sometimes guys with low self-esteem will look for reasureance of their masculinity by flirting or pursueing other women. Good luck.

Answer 6

Sometimes the way you act makes the other person react. You need to make sure your actions are not causing the both of you to be at odds with each other.
With a man you have to really get his full attention for him to really hear what you mean. Get (GET) get his attention and just as plainly as possible tell him how you feel in as few words as possible. It you do not uses enough words to express yourself-trust me-its better that too many words. Just flat out tell him-"you are hurting me"-"what do you want me to do?" He will answer.
But GET his attention first.

Answer 7

well i wouldnt be crying thats for sure.....what a jerk off..you need to take a deep breathe and wake up to the fact that most people who basically go out of there way to make there partner feel like you do are pigs...plain and simple..may i suggest standing on your own to feet for a change show him that you can do stuff you dont need his bullshit.all he wants is the power over you..the power to make you feel exactly like you do now..the other thing you can do is remember what you were like in the begining of your marriage....did you have some self worth...if you did and you dont have any now ,the answer is there for you and maybe a reminder to him that.hes not perfect either.so people in glass houses shouldnt throw stones....as humans we all have faults.its up to partners etc.to bring out the good in that person not..all the bad points thats a bit degrading.dont you think?

Answer 8

don't feel bad stop thinking this way he does find you attractive he married you .......but one thing aside you gotto understand that he answered you truthfully ,,,you cant ask a question and expect to here the answer in your head that's what you wanted him to say but he didn't ......don't hurt your relationship because of jealousy ......you have to admit to yourself that A.there is always someone more beautiful than me and B. there are more handsome guys then my husband.......that's just the way it is , even if you look at it in different angles you guys fell in love not just based on looks but personality, men a black and white next time when you ask a question to him expect the truth......I think if you even heard what you wanted to , back of your mind you were still gonna accuse him for nothing,,,,sweety just relax and be happy you are with him for all the right reasons not based on looks, don't make both of you day miserable I think you should call him and fix this problem say that you were wrong for ruining both your day make him feel good about how your happy to be in love with someone who feels the same ............your crying for nothing ................stop being like the jealous wife and accuse him for the answer you did not want to hear.........be happy that he loves you and goes to work everyday to make both of you guys stable and happy put better faith in your relationship>>>>>>>>>>>>

Answer 9

Oh my dear - you should never play a game like that with your husband. Actually, he's right - don't ask him if he would date a certain woman in hopes he will swear undying love for you and tell you that he will never look at another woman. Men are not like women. He looks at other women and he will for the rest of his life - but he is married to you. And that is the key. Don't put him in the position of having to lie to you to protect your feelings.

And you, .....you are responding to the speaker in your head rather than your husband and I am guessing that speaker in your head is really, really insecure with some serious self-esteem issues. You think you are not attractive and you want your husband to lower himself to your perceived level. (The voice in your head wanted hubby to say that the woman you pointed out was too good for him.....)

Here's the thing. Your husband is not responsible for the voice in your head and he is not responsible for your self-esteem. YOU are. He married you and so clearly he finds you attractive. Now you have to bank on that. Your pressure on him to keep reassuring you results in his being brutally honest to your questions - questions which ask one thing but really mean another. (You are asking if he will date someone else when you are really wanting him to reassure you of his love for you.) Men tire of that game pretty quickly.

You need to work on your self-image and self-esteem. You have to be happy with yourself before your husband can be happy with you. If you are unhappy or dissatisfied with who and what you are, then he will be likewise dissatisfied and unhappy. Time for you to take stock of yourself and enhance what is good, improve that which you want to improve, and learn to like yourself! If it takes counseling, then go get counseling. If it takes a gym and a personal trainer, then go out and dedicate yourself to that. Do whatever it takes for you to find satisifaction in yourself. If you do, you won't feel compelled to flee to the couch (which you did in hopes he would ask you to come to bed.....)

Answer 10

dear, first and foremost, your husband sounds similar to my boyfriend. They are honest to the point of it hurting. I've learned to not ask ANY questions in reguards to any other females. I'm jealous as it is, no need to make that worse!