How do you overcome trust issues.?

Question

I lost trust in my wife, the only person I truly had trust in. she broke that trust. now I cannot be in a trusting relationship.

Answer 1

Your statement will only be true if you choose to have it be so. Yes, you feel you have been betrayed (and you may well have) and yes, you had a trust broken. But to now say you "cannot" be in a trusting relationship is to pre-ordain what you will and will not do without regard to the world about you.

Your wife is but one person. There are many others in this world. (And it may be that you can rebuild a trusting relationship with your wife, but you haven't asked about that --- and your statement that you 'cannot' be in a trusting relationship pretty much puts the ka-bosh on that as well.)

What people of all ages fail to recognize is that you will get hurt in this world. Period. The only way to protect against that is to stay away from EVERYBODY but that is a pretty lonely way to go, isn't it ? And if you are worthy of being trusted, doesn't it stand to reason that there are others out there who are also so worthy ? If you decide you won't trust and you won't be hurt, then you will be alone.

Period.

Time to realize that people hurt other people. Intentionally (unfortunately) and unintentionally. It happens. There are gradiations of this kinds of problems, and while none are acceptable, many can be worked through. Even jaw-dropping, heart-crushing betrayals can be worked through if both parties want to do so.

Once you realize and accept that this will happen and - believe it or not - you will not die from it, you can begin to work with it instead of fearing it. Our interactions with people, good and bad, are what make us better people. We learn what we can take; what we want; what we can give; how we interact; what is good about that and what needs to be changed. Of course, we never learn any of that if we don't engage in self-evaluation and introspection. And we will never learn anything from our brushes with humanity if we cut ourselves off from it.

Step back from what has happened to you and figure out what role you had in all of it. Yes, you had one. It's never one-sided. I don't mean you caused it, but since you can't answer for her, you must answer for yourself. Learn from whatever comes from this and then move on as a newly self-aware person.

And remember, they say that a broken heart merely makes room for a greater love. I don't know that it is actually true, but I am pretty sure hearts mend and people love and care --- and trust --- again.

Good luck!

Answer 2

It took me 38 years to be able to trust a man. I grew up being abused and it never stopped. I was alone for a few years and did some amazing work on myself only to have it shattered all to peices by someone who professed to love me.. He walked away with no remorse or regret ... leaving me to pick up the peices of this mess he has left behind.

I want to trust again, I have faith that one day I will find the "one" For a while there I didn't even have that so this is a good sign..

Do you have faith? I can tell you want to trust. You are a person that is willing to grow and learn and that is very important for your healing.. You will do fine and so will I.. We now know what we want in our lives don't we? We can see those red flags from miles away now... Dont' be afraid to open your heart but keep your eyes open even wider! Think of the trust that you hold inside of you as a precious diamond, a gift from God. Would you give that away to just anyone? Make sure the next one has a heart of gold and make sure you do too... you can't ask God to give you trust if you you are not the trustworhty type yourself. What you do in life will always come back on you ...always.

Answer 3

I understand how you feel, you have to look at the situation in which she lied. Ask yourself have you done the same ask yourself why she lied and is it something that you can ever get over. People lie every day it's not right but it's true, for whatever reason justified or not. A lie is a lie is a lie, meaning even the smallest of a lie is still a lie and room for distrust. Just remember if you love her then forgive her and maybe seek counseling. Moving on to another doesn't mean they will be anymore trustworthy
I hope this helps good luck

Answer 4

This is a tough one, I guess it depends on the situation and the people involved. But trust is something very sacred, I have broken a lot of trust and I have had trust broken against me. It takes a lot of time and commitment and patience to regain it. And honestly it may never be regained. Whatever when wrong may always be something you carry with you. You will have to work just as hard at it as she does.
I hope this gets better for you.

Answer 5

sounds to me like you have some insecurities within yourself that you need help with...or at least some past issues that you have not yet overcome.....and it really depends on what she did that lost your trust...did she do something that was meant to be hurtful or wrong, or was it an honest mistake likely not to happen again? Also, how long have you been together?...there is a big difference in 6 months versus 6 years.

Answer 6

I'm going through the same thing with my fiance. The hardest thing in the world is to feel alone and like you've lost everything. For me coming on the internet and talking with others who I don't know helps me to put my life back into perspective. Talking does help. Out of the hundreds of deadbeats out there, there is someone else that is looking and longing for that same thing as you. At that point the trust will come because you'll be ready. Here's my email address, please feel free to email me just to chat. It doesn't have to be about that either. Just someone you can feel connected with whose going through the same thing right now as you.
[e-mail]

Answer 7

you still can be in a trusting relationship. you first have to be willing to forgive and forget. your wife is going to have to understand that this might take some time, but if she's truly sorry and will never do it again then she'll understand

Answer 8

If you are still with your wife, she will need to earn your trust back. If you have separated or divorced, you have to set aside your trust issues and give a new woman a chance.
It won't be easy, either way. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

Counseling can help you get to the heart of this issue. YOu will be able to trust again, it takes time to heal the wounds, and it takes communication, honesty and openness.

if you close yourself OFF from the possibility of trusting again, you WON'T ever again, it will make you constantly paranoid, and your inability to trust will sabotage any relationships you are in.

People make mistakes, it takes a big person to forgive, and a bigger person to open themselves to counseling to learn to trust again.

Answer 10

IF YOU BOTH AGREE THAT YOU ARE TRULY IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER, IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO STAY TOGETHER, THEN THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME WHILE SHE DILIGENTLY WORKS HARD TO REGAIN TRUST, IT MAY NEVER BE LIKE IT WAS BEFORE, BUT IT MAY BE WORTH TRYING FOR, AND MAYBE MARRIAGE COUNSELING IS NEEDED.