......if I accept his help for quickly gettin a part-time job?
This guy, former colleague of mine, wanted to date me a few weeks ago. I said it wouldn't be such a good idea - well, honestly, I like him a lot as a friend but nothing more, I wouldn't want to confuse him, so I didn't date, at all.
In the meantime he spoke with a common friend and found out that I am looking for a part-time job and finally he talked to some people and he told me yesterday that I could start at any time when I want!!!
I never asked for his help, didn't even know he was aware of my problems - it was a surprise.
The thing is: I really needed that help now, but I feel awkward if I accept his help. Am I a user if I accept it?????
He said he only wanted to tell me about the job, because he happened to know somebody,and he doesn't expect anything in exchange... I should not misinterpret it!
2006-07-31 03:53:57 · 16 answers · asked by Hibernating Ladybird 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
No, SUNIL... he is just a friend - I don't love him..... that would be different, I simply DON'T feel physical attraction to him, understood?
2006-07-31 04:00:27 · update #1
accept the help, but tell him [i]directly[/i] that you do not wish to date him, to prevent any misinterpretation.
2006-07-31 03:56:48 · answer #1 · answered by woonie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What he's doing is colloquially known in some circles as 'planting an obligation'.
He's doing something nice for you... giving you something you want. Although he's ASKING for nothing in return, you will probably feel obliged to pay him back in some way. We can already see that by your hesitancy to accept the offer. Don't feel bad... it's quite natural to want to do something nice for someone who does nice things for you.
Even if you resist the urge to pay him back, it will likely arise in the future. Every time he asks, "Hey, how's your job going?" (a very innocent question on the surface) it has the potential to cause cognitive dissonance. This happens when your actions are out of sync with your beliefs. In this case, you've received something nice and not been equally nice in return. This ends up manifesting as stress in most people, and can cause a number of unconscious balancing efforts until the contradiction is removed - either you screw up your job or you end up deciding that maybe one date wouldn't hurt.
As you can see, neither of those situations is really what you want. You don't WANT to owe this guy. The best thing for you to do is to decline the job offer, no matter how good it is. In fact, the better the job is, the more you want to NOT take it!
But I think you already know this. You're tempted by the job, but feel a resistance to taking it. You can take the easy route and accept the job, but keep in mind that nothing is ever really free. Or you can take the high ground and turn it down, just as you'd turn down a gift of a thousand dollars. It's not appropriate.
Hope that helps. Don't let him trick you into debt! Just say no! ( :
2006-07-31 17:39:52 · answer #2 · answered by Doctor Why 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was really nice of him to check into something for you even if you didn't ask him too ,,He maybe just a nice guy and as long as he honestly dosent expect anything why not take the job ,,I would be sure that he knows it wont change your feelings towards him in a romantic way ,but that you appreciate his help ,your not using him in any way he did what he did because he wanted to if he has other ideas that's not your fault ,,
2006-07-31 11:00:52 · answer #3 · answered by Linda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So go talk to whomever is offering the job; the guy is being up front with you. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, honey. Just take it at face value. You will only owe him a nice card that says "thank you".
2006-07-31 10:59:21 · answer #4 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Accept the job, but tell him that you will accept the job only if he cnsiders you as his friend and nothing else. Explain clearly to him. Then if he becomes violent and persists, just refuse his offer. Because he clearly wants to spend time with you and..... So be careful...... You don't know whats behind his mind..... He might rape you also, you may never know..... Good luck. But is he violent with you???
2006-07-31 11:06:52 · answer #5 · answered by Nicegirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not like he got his friend to create a job for you. I'm sure he knew someone that needed help and told them some positive things about you that got you this opportunity. Take advantage of peoples generosity and hopefully he did it for the right reasons.
2006-07-31 10:58:38 · answer #6 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then accept the help. If you think of him as a friend, then he's probably a good guy. I'm sure he was just trying to help you. If he ever asks for more, tell him no and then stop talking to him. Chances are he's just a nice guy.
2006-07-31 10:58:15 · answer #7 · answered by shynomore 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it would make you a user to accept his help... Unless it cost him money. Then that is a morally grey area. If he has said he doesn't expect anything in return, than that's ok. But don't toy with him. (i don't think that you are and bravo for considering this aspect I hope this helps)
2006-07-31 11:00:58 · answer #8 · answered by Teclis98 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he knows a mutual friend then take him at his word. He approached you with the offer, you should not feel like you are using him; however, he might be trying to use the situation to get closer to you. You can always quit if his motives prove to be otherwise.
2006-07-31 11:00:51 · answer #9 · answered by Coo coo achoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi dear, What s the harm in giving a try and see. May be he honestly wants to help you. You can change your mind if that is not the case.
2006-07-31 10:59:17 · answer #10 · answered by limcha_r 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you take the job, you will prove that you are a whore and exactly what your price is. GOD did not give you that job, a man did. A man who lusts for you sinfully. Rebuke the devil and all his works! Amen.
2006-07-31 11:08:27 · answer #11 · answered by Hate Boy! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋