There's no passion anymore.........?

Question

I feel like I'm living with a relative than with my husband, there's no passion left in our mariage. Our sex life is pathetic. And I don't want to have sex with him anymore. It's like a painful rutine.

Answer 1

Did you guys try to go for councelling?
To putting the passion back into your couple, why don't you make a date every 3 weeks - set up a time and place and don't let anything keep you away from it. There, talk about anything but the children, the job's problems... remember things you used to do at the beginning with your husband. Passion comes and goes and it's normal with every day's routine, the children.. you need to reconnect with your husband and get to know each other again. That's quite an exciting adventure, I think! Good luck.

Answer 2

If you are dreading having sex and you think it's a "painful routine", then you are having a serious problem. First of all, I would check into maybe seeing if you and/or your husband were depressed. Depression can cause low libido and so can stress.

Marriage can be a passion killer, but it takes work to keep up that "I'm so hungry for you" level. Mix it up a little bit. Fix yourself up one day as a surprise and see his expression when he comes home. If he asks you why you are fixed up, tell him "I did it for you". That could be a start.

Try having sex in different positions or in different rooms in the house. Role play or dust off a little nightie that you haven't worn in a while.

If there is a certain shirt or pair of jeans that you think he looks good in, tell him. Or, ask him to wear it for you. My husband loves it when I do that.

Last but not least, go on dates! Make plans a few days ahead of time for dinner or a movie or whatever. Tell him "Let's have a date" and call it that whenever you can. If you don't have money to go out, stay in. Put a blanket on the floor and find a favorite movie or show to watch. Make a little platter of fruit and cheese to nibble on. If someone calls on the phone before your date starts, just tell them..."I have a date with my husband starting at 8:00, so I'll have to talk to you later". Let him know how important this time with him is.

It's so easy to stop being a couple with the stress of children and jobs and money. Being a couple is a necessary way of thinking. Be inventive and try to think back on why you married him in the first place? What was it that attracted you to him?

Like I said, it'll take work but it'll be worth it!

Good Luck!!!!

Answer 3

Well if there is no passion it won't be long before you will find someone that will bring out that passion I can feel it the way you write! The thing you have to think of first is how your going to get out and thats the dilemma ! You feel comfortable in your lifestyle probably but dont know what your future would be like without your present spouse along with the money problems that will be presented. I cant really give advice because Im in your situation !

Answer 4

It's up to both partners to keep the sex life alive and well. When it gets to be a chore, you need some counseling if you want to stay married. As you know, married love ebbs and flows; it's not the same from day to day. You both need to sit down and discuss what you can to do make each other happy in the bedroom and otherwise. I'm sure there are other things in your marriage besides sex that you are unhappy with. Counseling would be your best bet.

Answer 5

Both are at fault! Don't blame him alone!! Unless you both open out and spend sometime "really" together, the problem cannot be resolved. I did not know how long you are married and how many children you have, but here in my country, we have innumerable couples who have crossed silver & golden jubilee!!! Some of the earlier passions would have gone but some new passion developes everytime, if you are intend on finding them!!!!
Go and get a counselling together!!

Answer 6

Did u guys stop doing the things that u used to do when u first got together. Maybe it's both of your faults that there's no more excitement or passion. You have to work to keep the fire alive. Maybe you two just got too comfortable with each other and let yourselves go. Remind each other why ya'll fell in love. That'll definitely bring back the passion.

Answer 7

This is what you do, write down... In this order...
1)all the things you hate about him - really exhaust your list
try and include the things you would change about him
3)the things you miss about him - what you enjoyed doing in the past etc...
3)the reasons you fell in love with him and married him for
4)either write or remember when you first met and what it was like back then...
5)Try and tell him if u are comfortable enough with him, how you are feeling, and then reminise with him "the good old days"

The idea of writing all the things that you hate about him is that you dispose of those feelings, and as u are writing these down, most ppl start to defend him/her, and it should help you both fall in love again, or at least you might (I hope)
Good Luck, dont give up, and dont do anything you might regret.

Answer 8

What's finally left your relationship is lust. And that eventually leaves everyone's relationship. Something I live by, is love is not an emotion, but something that develops by the choices you make. Now you could go to counseling, but I suggest you tell him how you feel. Tell him everything that's bothering you, and let him tell you how he feels. But tell him how you feel in a polite, serious, to the point sort of way. And together you can figure out what you two need to do, figure out ways to spice up your sex life, perhaps go out on new types of exciting dates, do things you've never done before. But if you feel like this, and you keep it to yourself, it'll only get worse. But if you tell him, you can work on it together, and chances are it will get better. Honesty, communication, willingness to compromise, and work together, are everything in a relationship. And if all of this doesn't work, then go to counseling, but I'm betting that things will be good, if you just talk and work things out.

Answer 9

another one in the same boat mine cheated for the 4 time sex was like a chore so i guess he went elsewhere he swares on everything he loves me please don t leave me but once the sincere passion is gone find someone to but it back screw him what is he doing to fulfill his needs i need help myself but i can only express what i fell we the females always turn out to be the bad no matter what i cannot understand that i feel like i am living with an enemy

Answer 10

There is a world full of things to spice up your sex life if that's what you want. look outside the box, try the unexpected impulse is a good one sometimes. Let loose let your imagination run wild. shock him! Whats the worse that could happen?