Should I go out on a date with ex?

Question

I was spending a lot of money and in a lot of debt. I am and was paying my bills and saving $2400 in my retirement fund so we were not poor. Anyway, hy husband told me to get help for the spending ( which I could blame on his absence and lack of contact with me and our two kids (3 and 6) but that is another question.) Anyway, I started DA and therapy. A month later he moved out, naming the debt as the problem. I have felt really badly for the last two months since he moved out but was trying to get on with my life. He called me yesterday to have breakfast with him and talk about us. I went. It turns out that he was seeing someone else before he left and since he left was seeing her on and off but supposedly it is off now. Supposedly. He wants us to start dating. Why date? We know one another already. I told him that it is a lot to digest and I would let him know. When single, I said Hillary was a fool. Now I know that it is not that easy after nine years of marriage.Now what?

Should I just let this go. Part of me says that if he moves back home, I would go to counseling to work this out but dating him would be stupid. . Another part says ( The very old twenty something part) move on.

I just read an email from him and he swears that he never slpt with her before he moved out. Does that really make a difference? I hear people say "Well that happend when we were separated" and so that makes it alright. Is it? I didn't get involved with anyone else.

It's $2400 per month for the last 8 years and my debt didn't change it. Plus he makes 4 times what I make and put in the retirement account twice as much. MY POINT IS, we weren't losing anything but I admittedly had a spending problem.

If he was spending time with her and didn't have sex with her until he moved out, why should that make a difference?

If he was spending time with her and didn't have sex with her until he moved out, why should that make a difference?

Answer 1

No, no, no. He was seeing another woman? He ruined everything right there. If "debt" was the only problem - there would be no need for some action on the side. Knowing what I know now, I couldn't be with someone after knowing they had slept with someone else while we were together. As heartbreaking as it is, I think that him cheating means you two need to get a divorce. If he did it once, it'll happen again. The debt was an excuse - you two could have and would have worked through that if you were meant to be. Love conquers all.

Answer 2

Sounds like he has some skeletons in his own closet to deal with.. regardless of why he started dating.. he was cheating on you... despite your spending problem. Two wrongs do not make a right... If you want your marriage to work then yes dating maybe his way to see how much you've changed in terms of the problem you had before he commits again but don't forget that he did cheat... and that is trully not so easy to forigive. You have children by this man I assume and only you know if you want to make your relationship work. Marriage counseling is a good way to get this all out in the open and test the waters to see if it's worth saving... good luck in what ever you decide.

Answer 3

OK....when you were together, he blamed the decline of your relationship on your debt...when actually, it was because he was seeing another woman. In other words, he put the focus on YOU rather than admit it was him. NOW....the woman has moved on, so he figures he'll come home to a sure-thing, YOU! How could you possibly trust this no-good man. Once he finds another woman on the side, he'll find something wrong with you again. Do you enjoy being punished? Do you like being degraded? Have some pride and show the S.O.B. you can make on your own without his sorry butt around. MOVE ON and collect your child support and anything else you can get from this slug.

Answer 4

Let me get this straight. He had to leave, because you overspend, although you have enough to pay the bills, and still save something. So you felt like your behavior caused your marriage to fail. In fact, he was cheating on you, and THAT caused the breakup. Now, his girlfriend doesn't want him on a full time basis (that's my guess, anyway) so he comes crawling back. Until when? His girlfriend decides she wants to play again? He finds another one?
He is a liar, and a manipulator. Hillary did what she did for her own reasons. Unless you want to live her life, it doesn't have a thing to do with you. Is your husband worth it? Is it better for the kids to have you together, even though you know he's not trustworthy--because that's where this is going. I can't decide that for you. I wouldn't even consider talking to him unless he agreed to counseling, both individual for his pathological lying, and marriage counseling.
By the way, Hillary made Bill get counseling, for what it's worth.

Answer 5

I would suggest you talk to a counselor. It sounds as if the over-spending is a symptom of depression and your ex is most likely the cause.
I'm sure raising two children on your own will not be easy but it sounds that your ex would jump right back into the relationship with the other woman anytime he found something wrong with you and you don't need that.
I think if you were the sole supporter of your children it would dramatically change your spending habits. You will get your priorities straight. Talk to a credit counselor - they will help you set up a budget and help you stick to it. You can find a free one.
Tell your ex to take a hike right back to his girlfriend.
Find someone who loves you for what you are - a strong, independent woman who can stand on her own two feet.
Taking him back smells like trouble. Good luck!

Answer 6

Hmm that is a difficult one, it seems he was cheating on you that is a hard one to overlook. Has he really changed ? How do you feel about all this? Have you changed your spending habits? Have you both been honest about what caused the problems in the first place? Are you able to forgive and forget or no? Honesty really is the answer with you both , if you both can't be brutally honest and work out your problems the chance for success seems very elusive.

Answer 7

Oh that is a tough one. This is when you really need to look deep in your heart and decide whether you wnat him back in your life. Maybe you should go out with him but before the date, right up a list of conditions that you would insist on if you got back together. and say to him, I will only get back to you if you agree to these conditions. If not, well sorry, that is not the way I think a husband should behave and that is not the kind of person I want in my lfe.

that should do the trick

Answer 8

if he didn't care about you 2 months ago...what happened now and he wants to date? after 9 years of marriage? he wants to date now? what are you? his timepass? that whenever he has time, its yours and whenevers he feels walking out on on he would do that..sweetheart i really would want you to reconsider giving him a chance but on the other the side i can imagine how you feel...i am sure you love him and that is why after what he did you are still thinking on whether you should go on a date with him... i am no one to tell you what you should do but i went through a rough experience in life, a lot different from yours but it has tought me a lot in life and about relationship.. a relationship can only work if both of you want it to work...also can i ask you one thing? what is the guarantee that he is not seeing another person and ok lets assume he isn't seeing anyone right now and what if after few months he finds someone else and leaves you...and he wants to come back to you for dating; not to be with you? i really don't know what to suggest but truly think before you go out with him...and good luck :)

Answer 9

Play hard to get. He needs counseling. Demand it. (By the way: 2,400 dollars is not much money for retirement!!! It is a good start though.) He will most likely do this to you again if you let him return so easily. Good luck.

Answer 10

dating will rekindle what you all had before and bring a newness to a relationship and you can feel young again. Make sure it's over with the "intruder" and no disease was passed . If all is good and you still love each other go for it!