Why can't people argue in a civilized manner?

Question

My biggest pet peeves are close minded people and know-it-alls. Why the hell are people so confrontational? Some expressions I am tired of hearing are "well actually(as in their opinion is right and your wrong)" "if you had the brains to see(this is such a close minded expression, and is just rude)" "that sounds like a problem on your end(unnessary comment)" "thats ridiculous(that word is so overused it is ridiculous)" "you'd better(ok boss!!)" trust me there are many more but i don't have the brains to think of them right now. Feel free to add in the confrontational expression that annoy you the most.
Why do people act like this? Do they truely think that they are superior and the rest of the world should bow down? Are they trying to compensate something that is missing in their lives? Or do they truely just like to fight? I am pretty puzzled. Let's get ready to rumble. hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahah

Answer 1

It's a communication skill called being able to disagree, agreeably. It takes a certain amount of grace and wisdom to be able to do so effectively. However, as you pointed out, many people are ignorant when it comes to communication.

Furthermore, future employers all agree the number 1 skill needed in today's job market is the ability to communicate, well.

Answer 2

I agree w/ u. Where I live, the popular argument/statement starter is "You need 2...!"

People r not taught how 2 argue. Diplomacy is considered a weakness (not in my eyes); walking away from or not wasting unnecessary energy during an argument is considered a weakness (not in my eyes); someone who shuts u up is considered a winner (not in my eyes); the loudest yeller is the winner (not in my eyes/ears); it's considered weak & wrong if u want 2 calmly talk about it later & actually calmly bring it up later after giving the issue some thought (not in my eyes); strength is in emotional & physical power plays (not in my eyes). People don't know how 2 negotiate bc that's considered weak. People aren't taught to listen or 2 hear someone elses pt. of view. It doesn't mean u have 2 agree, though. For some sad reason, to agree to disagree agreeably is seen as a weakness (not in...). I totally disagree w/ that, 2. By the way, it took being away from certain people for many years 2 unlearn the usual; the routine.

Does any of this make sense? I'm rambling; but sharing. Anyway, I agree w/ u. The other person has 2 make u feel less 2 feel self-importance. The problem isn't u. I personally prefer discussions & 2 leave learning something new. "Know-it-alls" can't do that. Arrogance breeds ignorance. Negotiating takes a back seat to the need 2 be "right", sadly. I personally prefer "win-win" situations.

Thanks 4 ur question. Take care.

Answer 3

Some people just want to be heard. Listening is a dieing tradition. The one that really kills me is when you say something, and your halfway through and the other person says "Anyway...." then talks about there thing as if you said nothing.
It's more passive than some of the others, but I hate it the most because when you try to get them to see what they did they give you that deer in the headlights look, as if it's in your head. At least if someone says "If you had any sense you would..." they are being honest about thinking your ideas are stupid! But that one upsets me too... Then there is the "You're just an idiot" which pulls no punches and in my opinion states clearly that the person who said it is as narrow as a person can get, and I just don't waste my time on them.
can you imagine how wonderful it would be if every time there was a dissagreement there was no shortcut takers to "winning" and there was just calm discussion of the issue where both sides actually listened? Just imagine how much all of our brains would grow! But no, too many people don't play fair. And they are the ones who walk away from arguements feeling smug! -if they only knew how badly they just represented their intellect!!!!-
These people think that "winning" is what matters... and they also think that shutting you down means they won. They pat themselves on the back and move on.

Answer 4

my theory is lack of intelligence and lack of self-esteem. they are certainly not superior and certainly not over confident. if people actually had a brain cell in their heads, they would be able to at come up with a more coherent sentence and not just some idiotic phrase in an attempt to express their anger. also, if they had some confidence in themselves, then they wouldnt feel so insecure when someone says something that goes against their beliefs. the lack of self-esteem shows that they are not only not confident with themselves, but also with their beliefs and thoughts. so rather than trying to explain their point of view, they just turn into the bully. they cant fight with intelligent thought so they fight with violent words.

either that or the people that answer are just immature children who dont really understand some questions and dont know how to answer them properly.

Answer 5

Wow, you're annoyed! Personally, I attempt to stay away from confrontational, pseudo intellectual people; people who are "all knowing" and pompous; I find that they range from people who feel they are "entitled"/ upper class or other end, ignorant, low class trash; either way, if it's the job you're at, you should really look around and see if you can find a company that will make you work hard, but appreciate your ideas and suggestions; I was lucky to find a great company to work with for 18 years...Good Luck and meditate!

Answer 6

To argue in a civilized manner both people have to be adult and well versed on the matter. In a forum like this the chances of that happening are extremely unlikely.

The world has gotten to large and there is not enough villages to keep all the idiots happy

Answer 7

If you are referring to the wars going on right now, it's because they are greedy for power & have no respect for human life & are being taught these things from day 1. If you mean in everyday life...it depends on the person...some think it's their way or no way...some are just ignorant...some are misinformed...it varies. But if everyone would just try to be the best person they can & have true compassion for others...It would be a better world.

Answer 8

You cannot have an intellectual debate with these people because they do not have the capacity for it. You should just ignore them and not let them get you down. When someone's point is not valid enough, when explaining and debating one's opinion is not enough to get the point across, because the opinion is flawed in some way, the person lashes out with an attack to gain attention for their way because they have no other means of doing it.

Answer 9

from what i have seen inmy life so far,some people do think that they are all knowing and very closed minded and they feel that they do need to be confrontational for some reason and they do have something missing in there lives and that could be happiness or love.

Answer 10

I have asked similar questions on here before, and have to say I agree with you, but people will still post rude/nasty/confrontational comments on here just because they can, and because they dont have a life.