my life has become a mess within a few days and just dont know what i can do to sort it..?

Question

since i was 14 (now 19) me and my mum have never got on, i love her to bits but we argue all the time. Last week we had another argument and i went to stay at my bf's for a few days like she asked. I then met with my Dad after work on friday and they have asked me to find alternative accomodation bc it doesn't work me living at home. I went and packed my stuff and at the mo am crashing with my bf who lives at home still, but know this can't go on for much longer. i have hardly any money, no idea where i am going career wise, and only moved to Jersey CI couple of years ago and dont have many friends like i do in my hometown, plus most are at uni. I also have the opportunity to go to uni in sep, but had decided it wasn't 4 me and am now tempted to go just so i have a roof over my head!

i feel really low and depressed and can't stop crying, i just dont know what i am going to do. I feel so lonely coz no one will properly talk to me.I dont think my bf realises how bad it is..any ideas?

Answer 1

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Mending fences is the first step. Once love is assured, it is time to better yourself; maybe getting more education.

Answer 2

What did you fight about? What do you ALWAYS fight about? You are almost an adult, but maybe not too grown up. A couple of YEARS later you are still pouting about moving away from your friends- Why? You have made new friends- and a B.F.! Are you thinking of all the old friends because they would "take you in"? How many couches do you need to sleep on until you realize you control what happens to you- You are feeling this way because you choose to behave like a child and expect to be treated like an adult. Maybe no one talks to you properly because you don't listen properly. Stop reacting to everything and ask yourself the tough questions- and be willing to realize that you really don't know that much about life, relationships and making your own decisions. That's why you're sleeping on someones couch! You want to be treated like an adult- your parents are doing that by insisting you find other accommodations because you won't be a productive, willing part of the household. If you want to do things your way realize that means paying for it, too. A grown-up doesn't expect someone else to foot the bill- not even daddy. They are doing you a favor by showing you the reality of living on your own. Appreciate what they have been doing for you by simply giving you a place to sleep, let alone all the other things! They expect you to follow house rules. So? That is what an adult does and an adult not living up to expectations would not be tolerated anywhere else either. Stay at the B.F's house a while and you'll see there will expectations there, too. So maybe you're not ready? OK, what you gonna do? The mature thing? Go back and work it out- and then follow through like the mature 19 year old you want everyone to treat you like. School is a good idea- you think it's not for you but your judgment has proven you wrong before. It's expensive, and I wouldn't blame your parents if they put it off for a while to test your determination to make something of yourself. It's something to embrace- it's a way to lift yourself up. What kind of opportunity is there for someone without a higher education? Do you really want slinging hamburgers to be your career high? Seriously- Why would you settle for something like that when all those possibilties are out there? This is not the end of your story. This is a chapter. No one else will write your happy ending, kiddo. Are you going to put some effort into making your life something to be proud of, or are you going to always rely on being taken in, poor thing.

Answer 3

As a Christian I could answer you with Pray about it but I am not going to answer like this. You have a very serious problem with your mother and you are a little old to be arguing with your mother. House rules should be followed since you are legally an adult. Your mother is a person to and should be viewed by you as such. You chose to argue with your mother who paid your bills, bought your clothes, put your food on the table and so on. You need to go to your parents house and say I am sorry. You will need to go to anger management to solve your problems of being ripped from your hometown. An education is a good step in the right direction if you want a career. Otherwise you will be working as a low paid individual for a long time. Try the military if you don't want an education assuming you have a high school diploma. You must make a decision and stay with it. If you don't you will get nowhere in life.

Answer 4

Honey, you need too just go and tell your mum, you would like a chat, with her......And be honest, about wanting to follow your dreams, but that you need her support, and your too broke too stay anywhere else......That your hearts sad, about having to move out....What can you do to "Compromise" the situation, with her..... And you may have to make sacrifices, and you may have to do, as they wish, you to do, while living under their "Roof", you know.....Somtimes, thats all the parents,,want, is for a little "Respect", and to obey, their "Rules", and or sometimes, a little contribution, towards the bills, should they be low on funds, theirselves, too support you........Sometimes, they just want some contribution, because they want to teach, you, how to be "Responsible" for when you really do leave, the nest to get a Place of your own, to see how, well you do with your money, first...... And should the two of you come to some sort of an agreement, and patch things, up a bit, then I would be really careful this time around, not to blow it with your mum.... You know, they really do Love us, they just want whats Best for us, and sometimes when we hurt them, they will do the "Tough Love" thing on us.......Just give her a little time, and then I would pay her a visit, either by phone, or in person, This will all soon be behind you, and you'll be back, to going after your dreams, and "Goals" you set out to do in the first place!! Good-Luck, to you mate!!!

Answer 5

First, try to talk things out with your mom, sort out the differences between both of you and come to compromise, for example, lets say you like to listen to rock music and tend to blast it out loud all the time, and because SHE hate its, you guys start fighting over that. Well, what you can do is, TELL her why YOU like to blast your music, LISTEN to her why SHE hates it, and then come to a compromisation, like, you can blast your music from let say in the afternoon when she's out, and no other time then.

Secondly, why can't you ask your dad for some money? I mean if he suggest you should find a place to stay in the mean time, why doesn't he support you financially? Talk to him about it. Meanwhile, stay at your bf's house, but go out house hunting, find yourself a little apartment or something. If you dad does agree to support you financially, you should be okay, if he choose not to, see if you can borrow some money from your bf, if he really cares about you, he would help you through this.

Thirdly, find a job. At the moment, it doesn't really matter what job you would be doing, work as a cashier, in a fast food outlet, or something. It doesn't sound glamorous, but it's the only thing you can do at this moment to get some money coming in.

Fourthly, you can get help online, like talk to someone about your problems, there are hotlines to call, that you don't have to tell what's your name or anything, but you can talk to them. And may be they might be able to help you out more than I can, they might be able to give you some suggestions on where to live and so on. I found some sites which I think you should check out.

http://www.takethislife.com/
http://deafdeb.tripod.com/hotlines.html
http://www.makinglifeworkbetter.org/help/hotlines/index.shtml

Answer 6

You seem to think this stuff is just happening to you, as though you weren't exercising any choices. More important than any of the particulars is this feeling of helplessness and confusion. If you were excited and curious about what you can do now, it would make things better immediately.

Use this as an opportunity to look inside and find out who you really are, what you really are capable of and what's important to you. Quit being so afraid and you might discover that you are both strong and competent.

Relax. You're okay.

Answer 7

It's impossible for you to work out solutions for all your problems all at the same time. You need to prioritize before addressing each issue. A flurried needle never points you in the right direction, and that's exactly what's happening to you right now....buzzed from too many concurrent events. Take time to cry because every tear from a woman makes her stronger. After that, decide what's the most reasonable course of action/s to take. Talk it out with your boyfriend if he's a good listener. At the end of the day, you've got to make a wise decision that will affect your long-term future. Sometimes, that means making short-term sacrifices to reap eventual long-term goals/dreams. I wish you all the best. You are empowered to shape your own destiny!

Answer 8

I feel bad that you are so sad and depressed about this. I don't blame you for feeling that way.

Living with your boyfriend and his family is probably not going to work for long. If you really don't want to go to college, do you have grandparents, aunts or uncles you could stay with in another town? As soon as you get a job and get settled you will be on your way to being able to take care of yourself. I know it is hard for you now.

I know it is your parents house but they are wrong in asking you to leave without giving you a chance to make any sort of arrangements.

Good luck.

Answer 9

Wow I think I felt the same way when I was your age. What I did was alittle different - had meaningless jobs and got married. Well that definitely didn't work out and i got divorced. Luckily for me, my dad was willing to take me back and I cried at nights too. God rest his soul. I went to college and now have a BA. What you need to know is that your mom is the first person that you knew when you came into this world and that ALOT of patience is required on YOUR behalf to make it work. I grew up - now I am 26 - and I have a great relationship with my mom. It wasn't easy. I worked hard for it but I wanted it so bad. I wanted to change my life so badly. Unconditional love is one of the most precious things in life. Please remember that.

Answer 10

It sounds like your life has been a mess for over 5 years, but its only in the last few days that youve finally woken up and seen reality.

so why didnt you get on with your parents eh ? thought you knew it all i bet, well come on, nows your chance, you're 19 and free, show everyone just how much you know. turn the last 5 years round and make your parents proud of you

Answer 11

Go to university, even if it's just to keep a roof over your head. Plus, a degree will help the situation and give you time to sort your life out. Also, get a job and rent a place out with a roomate.