i am 24 yrs. mother of two. married working on 6th yr.?

Question

i weigh 118lbs. very active, love to cook, very neat, and a dedicated good person. i am visiting my sister before my son starts kindergarden. my husband and i have been having some communication problems. such as i have no home phone or personnel car as an at home mother. so i'm left in the dark while he goes out all night til' the next day. can't call me. stays in his room when he's home. and rejects my i love you, hugs and kisses. and lately to our sons too. well i call him dailey to check in and hear his voice and tell him bout our days days. he tells me he's not cheating on me, but has been talking with some woman.
i don't know his friends or her. and now he's saying he loves me but not the way i love him. i am broken and torn. this isn't the 1st time he's swayed and has cheated in the past i've always stood by him. but now i really think things are over. why am i failing? how do i face myself? or my children? how do i move on to having no home or husband?

Answer 1

I understand where you are comming from. I'm going through a divorce right now myself. I found out she cheated on me in 2004, I tried to forgive her and keep the family together. But when I found out about another affair that happened this Jan, Feb, March and April, I said enough is enough and filed for divorce.

What state do you live in? In Maryland the divorce courts sway toward the mother. Meaning you get paid! Even when she cheated on me (no court date yet so it's still in the air), but according to my attourny, I'll have to pay her about $650 a month for child support and we've got 50/50 custody of the two boys (10 and 4 years old).

If you have been a stay at home mom, for the majority of your marriage, you're going to get allimony (spousel support). He should not have looked outside the marriage and you can make him pay through the nose. But you have to proove the affair. Before you file for divorce, call CHEATERS. www.cheaters.com. You ever watch that show? They'll do the undercover work for you and you'll get the evidence you need. But lots of people apply to be on the show. Otherwise it cost about $80 bucks an hour for a private eye. $1,000 retainer. Usually in a case like yours they will get the evidence you need before they use up the 1k retainer.
I'm already $3,000 in legal fees and we have been to court for a temporary cease and disist order I filed against her. She was calling and threatening me at my work, after I filed. She thought I would just sit back and let it happen like it did before. But I put my foot down and you should do the same.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. The opportunity will come again and he's already shown that he has no self control. Do not take this guy back.

I realized what my problem was. It seems like every woman I fall in love with, cheats on me. It's because I show them that I love them more than they love me. You have to play "Possum". Don't let the next man you like, feel or know that you love him more than he loves you. Otherwise they take advantage.

Answer 2

Let me suggest a couple of things. First, you aren't failing. That may not be something you can believe right now but you need to work on it. You aren't responsible for his actions no matter WHAT you were taught as a child. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for ANYONE'S ACTIONS BUT YOUR OWN.
Secolnd, when he tells you he's not cheating he's lying through his teeth. If he isn't cheating with a woman (hah!) he's cheating by not being a helpmate and husband.
Third, you just better figure you're in for some tough times. Let me suggest that if you can survive all the crap he's put you through already, you'll get through the future. You WILL have a home. Think about the help you need. One is counseling or therapy. Is there an organization that has group therapy for people in your position? A minister, priest or other social service agency can help you find one. Second, you'll probably need an attorney. Choose carefully. You need, as one guy put it to me, the meanest SOB in the valley.
How do I know all this. Been there done that, got the t shirt. IM me if I can help.

Answer 3

You are not failing. If anything, is him, not you. If he rejects your "I love yous" and your son's affection is because he feels guilty and also because he is getting his emotional needs fulfilled elsewhere.

He blocking you from his life because he is araid that you might find out something that he wants to keep secret. That's why you don't know his friends. This is not your fault, you are his wife and the mother of his children and have done nothing wrong, sometimes men crave that attention to feel secure about themselves and unfortunaltly, reassurance at home might not be enough for some people.

If he has abandoned you emotionally then is time for you to consider going to marriage counseling. This is the best way to improve the communication in your relationship. Be aware that even if your communication improves, the real issue is that he is likely to be cheating and he needs to break off his affairs if he wants your mariage to work.
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If he refuses counseling ot if he refuses breaking off his extra-marital affairs, maybe is time for you to reconsider your marriage as there is no point to be miserable for the rest of your life. You too deserve to be happy and being a prisoner of your own home and being excluded from your spouse's life is no way of living.

Good luck

Answer 4

Based on the facts you stated, the solution to your problem is divorce. I can't find any explanation why your husband keeps on denying his true feelings about you and your kids, but he is not worth spending the best years of your life with him. In your divorce petition, ask for spousal support and support for your two kids. In the meantime, seek help from your parents or siblings until you are stable enough to be on your own. With the spousal support coming from your ex-husband, you can either go to school to prepare you for a job or apply at an employment agency to assist you in finding a job.

It will be very difficult in the beginning, but once you have those plans start going, you are on your way to independence and self-sufficiency. Be patient. Don't forget to pray. Put the interest of your kids as your priority. Forget about having a man in your life until your kids are 18 (that is ideal). Don't rush into another bad relationship. You are still young and has all the time in this world to make something out of yourself. I wish you well!

Answer 5

What you have done is not necessarily the problem...your circumstances are not to out of the norm...its your husband who is taking advantage of not having a phone at home to communicate back and forth, nor providing a car so you can get out of the house once in awhile, if for nothing else just to see whats going on in the neighborhood...your a victim of your circumstances...I don't feel your at fault here but it will take your efforts to get out and move on...continue to be a dedicated good person and you will come out of this just fine...preferable without your poor excuse of a husband..good luck.

Answer 6

You are not failing. I'm sure it has nothing to do with you. If you really truly think things are over. Then you can talk and just let him know how you are feeling. Try moving out with a friend or a relative and start dating again with him. Your children will love you no matter what happens. But don't blame yourself. He does sound like a jerk tho. So find yourself a good guy! someone who will treat you and your kids like royalty

Answer 7

First of all, stop blameimg yourself. The only thing I can see that you did was put up with him. If he is the way you say, then you deserve more than what you have now, you have nothing to loose you may not see that now, but you already lost him. Look at it like this,You have so much to gain. and to look forward to. a life of inter peace and you heart not hurting anymore, as far as you not knowing what to do next, there are womens crises centers, look in your local phone book. They will guide you in the right direction, don't be ashamed to ask for help when needed. thats what they are for. You can also go to your church they will be there for you. I have been in your shoes as well. but that was a life time ago. I was in an other state away from any family. Believe me you are alot stronger than you ever thought. You will draw so much strength from you childern, because they need you to protect them, and watch out for their well being. You are not the first women to be in this position. Have faith in yourself. It will make a better woman out of you in the long run. You will also love yourself more after things settle down and you will reflex back and see your acomplishments with yourself. happiness comes from within you. Not a man. IT never hurts to ask the big man up stairs to guide you through this tough time in your life.
I have faith you will do just fine, pick yourself up by the boot straps and fight for your kids and yourself. Being afraid of the unknown can be exciteing, don;t you like suprises? well look at it that way. I wish you all the strength and peace in your heart to get through this. Hang in there and best wishes to you and your children. Remember! YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO LOOK FORWARD TOO.

Answer 8

I think you are reading my history...lol....my soon to be ex-husband was doing the same. He was going out all hours and coming home next morning/mid afternoon. Saying non of my bussiness. Was leaving myself and our son at home no food no car. No I love yous hugs etc. found out has a girlfriend now wants a divorce to be with his 19 yr old girlfriend. He has never helped with his son and is not helping now. He will eventually get his but till then I am moving on with our life. Hard thing to do But gotta do it. Not for me but for our child. You should go. FAMILY!! It is what is helping me.

Answer 9

You cannot force someone to confide in you or love you. But I do think that we are the examples for our children. Only you know where you stand with your religion, but I'd like to mention that God sends answeres in strange ways. You just have to see. Don't let your children believe that this is normal behaviour, or that they have to fight for his love and affection. If you really love someone - you don't want to see them sad, you don't want to be out all night without them, you don't want to break the trust. Right now - there's not enough trust. Like there should be - which means you are onto something. It's not just in your head. You know him well enough to see the little things. Rather find other means than continue with damaging means of survival. Just don't through your hands in the air and say "I have nowhere to go". It just aint good enough.

Answer 10

you mention you only 24 yrs old, go look for a job and find a better place for you and for your kid, I believe is not so hard to find a job for 24 yrs old woman. Once you had that then dumped that husband. You don't need your husband, you already have your two kids.