I found her before they went in. She says she wants to make things work with me and I know I have not been a perfect husband. (No cheating) She still communicates with this person and says they are just friends and is going to stop all communication but is going to as her feelings subside. She wants to go to counceling and because of kids and family make us work. My heart tells me to help her through this and be patient because I do love her, But my head tells me to get the hell out and let the kids deal with all it comes with. I find myself engrossed in checking up on her and I allways seem to find something. I am confussed and want help from both men and women to try to see both sides.
Help
2006-07-31 02:33:18 · 24 answers · asked by Terry B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you could try councelling but if she dosent want this to work it wont.Shes married and shes out looking for other men then theres a major problem.And the old saying goes once a cheat always a cheat.You may work through this this time but how many other times has she cheated or will she cheat.There may be other times that you are not aware of yet.If you love her try to work it out but keep your eyes and ears open and if u have any hint that shes cheating you need to get out.She dosent love and respect you enough to keep her legs closed and be faithful and you deserve better treatment then that.You never know if shes out cheating what disease she may bring home to you so just be careful.If you need someone to talk to feel free to IM me.I hope everything works out for you and the children involved
2006-07-31 02:44:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Wait a minute! Stop right there! She will stop talking to the other man when her feelings subside? Alarm bells! Shes not done with this man. She got caught thats all. If she really wants to fix your home life then tell her the computers going. Put your foot down. Show her that you mean business. Start the counseling right away. Talk to her find out what she really wants and do your best to be the person she wants. If after you've done all you possibly can and she still looks elsewhere then you know its time to move on.
2006-07-31 02:46:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When women give up their hearts to another it's a losing battle. She will never be totally over him she will never know what could have happened. It will happen again.
The only thing that is alarming is your tone with the kids. It sounds like you are punishing them. They had nothing to do with it. Be 100% of a Dad even though you might not be 100% present.
I do have to say this though...just because you have not not cheated there is a lot of room for you to be a horrible husband to have driven her away. If the roles were reversed could you see yourself doing the same thing? It doesn't excuse infidelity but take some ownership. Women don't just toss their hearts around to anyone. Especially with the commitments you guys have.
2006-07-31 02:50:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you are going through this, and let me also say to everyone it is not true once a cheater always a cheater!
Tell her, put your foot down. That if she cant stop all communications with him RIGHT NOW...then your done. Why does she need to continue if she wants her family? Who cares if she breaks his heart...look how shes doing you and the kids. I say try to help her, she is in need of something. "thats why she's doing what she's doing. We dont do that for fun, trust me. You say you love her, and I am sure she loves you as well. Do try to save your family, but only if she is 100% involved too. Good Luck to you and your family. Its so sad to hear this kind of stuff cause I know it hurts! My heart goes out to you......
2006-07-31 03:15:08 · answer #4 · answered by baseballmommy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, unless she does in fact end this communication with this other person and other men that she may be interested in and delete her account from AFF, then nothing will work. She has to give herself to you 100%, as you are her. I found same thing about my hubby, so I did something out of character for me, I looked up his password and deleted his account anyway. Now, he doesn't get updates or newsletters, nothing. I also made up an account (I do NOT talk to or communicate with anyone) and once a month I do a general search in my area. If I see his name again anytime in the future, then he has two choices and they are either he leaves AFF and stops communication with other women and he joins me in marriage counselling, or my next step is divorce.
2006-07-31 02:40:13 · answer #5 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all I would tell her you don't agree with her being friends with this guy, you won't allow it. Second don't stay with her cause of the kids. If you love her the way you say you do go to the counsling and do what you can and if over time you still feel the same way you need to sit down and tell her how you feel and get it out don't worrie how the kids will feel or how she'll feel think of yourself first everything else will work it self out in the end good luck.
2006-07-31 03:22:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to work things out both of you need counseling that's for sure..... In order to understand why she is communicating with somebody else you have to take a deep look at where did you exactly failed as a husband....If she is looking for answers outside the marriage instead of trying to communicate better with you then I'm sorry to tell you this you are in big trouble once a cheater always a cheater.....I wish you good look
2006-07-31 03:02:11 · answer #7 · answered by mj23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I am glad that you are trying to work things out with her. But I don't think that she has her heart in it. She definitely needs to stop ALL communication with this guy. And you should go to counseling together. I would give it some more time with the counseling and then see how things go before you leave. Good luck.
2006-07-31 02:39:19 · answer #8 · answered by heatherdrake2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you've not been perfect, and she's not been perfect. If you two truly do want to go try and work it out, go see a counselor. You don't mention whatever it is you've done, but whatever it is, stop and devote your time and energy to trying to work it out. She should break all contact with that guy (and any others) and devote HER time and energy into trying to work it out. You are right to try and work it out. But you also shouldn't have to live a life where you have to check up on her. Bottom line: both of you need to be willing to devote yourselves to each other and trying to make it work and stop all the stuff with 'other' people. If one or both of you is unwilling to do so, it's over. End it now.
2006-07-31 02:43:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gee, this really SUKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Real great of her to rip the family apart like that and for what????? Some total stranger she found at Adult Friend Finder??? Thats just disgusting!
I don't have any advise.......its too hard to say seeing there are innocent children involved.............follow your heart. This woman need therapy, honestly....and she has NO RIGHT to put you in the position to not feel safe and secure in YOUR OWN MARRIAGE! Having to check up on her left and right...thats terrible..... Just know all women are NOT like this, regardless of stuff you read here. What happened to you just disgusts me.
I wish you strength and peace. Good luck to you.
2006-07-31 02:41:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋