tell me what you think of my poem =o)?

Question

this was the 1st poem i wrote ... (i'm only 15 so dnt expect alot ).... constructive criticism only please! i'll post up some more soon...

thanks!!

Every night you're here,
Laying by my side,
saying the three words,
I know you'd never lie.
 
It's too good to be true,
Or that's the way it seems,
I was right, it's perfect,
I wake up, it's just a dream.
 
I live my days to sleep at night,
and dream this dream again,
To love each day without you,
I know my life would be pain.
 
Every time we talk,
My heart, it skips a beat,
Just like in the movies,
When two lovers meet.
 
I never want this feeling,
I have for you, to end,
Because if we're never more,
You'll always be my friend.
 
I've never known anyone,
To be quite like you,
To do the things that you've done,
And be so perfect too.

2nd poem ..

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/?qid=20060731062533AAJtsOu&pa=FYd1D2bwHTHwIb5lEeg4QgmUMOdLzXy8UZdm4GmxAV5o5g--&msgr_status=

Answer 1

I think it is very good. You have potential. Being able to use words to express your thoughts and feelings is a wonderful outlet.

Don't be afraid to change and edit your work until you feel it is perfected.

Keep writing and all the best and love to you.

Answer 2

Hi Charmed and Dangerous.
Wow...I wish I could write such good poetry.
I hope that you are keeping all of your work together because you've really got a style!
And I'm even more impressed to know that you're 15 and have so many more years to work on your craft! (I'm even a little jealous...you're so good!)
Oh yeah... I sense a subtle sub-texted message in this one that is very intriguing. That makes it more than just a pretty sentiment but also an interesting puzzle, almost like a riddle of meanings. Very Good.

After reading some of the responses that you've received I have one piece of advice, don't let negative criticism of your work slow you down your production or stifle your imagination. You've got talent.
Thanks again for sharing!

By the way...will u pleez pik this answer as the best. U R sweet if u do! thin~Q vry mch!

Answer 3

It is a very good poem, and i like the whole idea of the dream and dreamign again and the "three words"( i love you). You also use a lot of rhyms which is sweet for a love poem.
Just one thing to improve: go over it and check that each lines in the stanza hv the same meter (number of beats) so it is more rhythmic.
otherwise it is gr8

Answer 4

even though i dont have any history on phds in poetry i think this poem isnt approximately loss of life in any respect. actually i discover it calm. i consider it's approximately a second in time, while the whole thing on this planet pauses or turns out to pause due to the fact that it makes no change even it didnt. as when you had simply revel in your enlightenment or even for a second it looks like always on this planet due to the fact you're real comfortable. he talks of the celebs and i suppose it might resemble the universe and the way you've gotten determined your situation in it possibly? and the sunshine is demise down.....I am however record.....thy lover's voice.....this all turns out to me just like the second had pale and the day is finishing or the second is finishing however you move on and your enthusiasts voice carrys on and thats all that concerns. then he concludes it with the point out of tune ideas and soul and that i consider hes announcing your enlightenment includes elements of some of these matters due to the fact all of them intertwine and also you and your adored one shall be in combination on this planet as one soul and the whole thing you do now will finally result in love due to the fact thats what makes the arena move circular. i suppose is one in all poe's nicer poems he need to were along with his 14 12 months historical cousin/spouse on the time.

Answer 5

It's a nice poem. I hope at your age, that's all that's happening in your bed...talk. Don't ruin your life on impulses. Keep up the poetry; it's great therapy and a great way to release your feelings.

Answer 6

It's good. But probably only interesting to a 15 year old. If only love could stay that way!

Answer 7

Awesome,Beautiful.

Here is one I wrote:

Nani
I have a great grandmother,her name is Nani,She tells jokes and riddles,she is really funny, We love her spaghetti dinner,if she entered a cooking contest,she'd be the winner.

She watches her soap operas in the day, after they're over it's time to play. We play scrabble,go fish and other games.

Without our great grandmother it just wouldn't be the same

Answer 8

That's extremely nice and sweet!
keep up the good work, you can be a very successful artist one day! Good Luck In life1

Answer 9

"I love you" is more than 3 words that you say before you go to sleep

Answer 10

It seems pretty good...keep up the good work...