REGRET
He looks back now and recalls the days of his youth
when he was happy,-admiring
days of sun, wonder and fun.
No wonder now! not the innocent being of long ago-
not so long ago.
He wishes he was back again
to make changes for others aswell as himself-
few changes.
Depression can overcome him - HIM - not his mask
He smiles and remarks
but a different smile than the one many summers ago.
He tries to be someone hes not -or maybe he is
Nobody knows.
Hes loved and loves -but cant show it
his tongue works at the wrong time.
Hes young in body withered in mind.
Nobody knows his pain
Hes selfish they have pain too
He wishes and prays to no avail
he'll never be back.
2006-07-31 01:36:53 · 7 answers · asked by duffdog 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Other - Entertainment
The lament sounds very real, but the ungrammatical use of words, random splitting of lines (to no purpose !), plus erratic punctuation, fail to convey the outcry's full impact.
The final 3 lines leave one confused : How does his selfishness cause the others to feel pain too ? What does he wish and pray for ? And where has he gone, to 'never be back' ?
Correct all these, and you have a fairly decent poem, or lyric !
2006-07-31 01:48:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 10⤊ 1⤋
It's heart felt. The vocabulary is limited. Your punctuation is off. This poem seems to ramble on, somewhat scattered. Attempting to be elusive, but telling at the same time. Maybe pick a topic and stick to it. Then write words supporting your message. It is clear his innocence was taken one summer, and he is depressed. "He" feels valid emotions, and you can it get on paper, just be a little more organized. Try to make a smooth transition from one thing to the next. Keep at it - not bad, just green. Oh what problems he has ever since that one summer!
2006-07-31 01:57:04 · answer #2 · answered by Jai 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Duff Its beauiful from the heart I vote good
2006-07-31 01:40:45 · answer #3 · answered by nylatinanurse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good poem. Keep writing
2006-07-31 01:50:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG...i freaking love it. Its almost like you can feel your depression coming right through the computer. you are so awesome. I LOVE IT!!!!!
2006-07-31 01:46:10 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you write it?? It is beautiful
2006-07-31 01:41:32 · answer #6 · answered by Japan_is_home 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
depression....depression.......depression.....thats about all i can think
2006-07-31 01:41:25 · answer #7 · answered by catty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋