Rational or driven by fears???

Question

Are my doubts about my relationship rational or driven by fears?

I am having serious doubts about whether to continue my relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years. How do I know if these are sincere doubts? Am I trying to sabotage my relationship because I am too scared to move forward? Or do I have these doubts because there is a voice inside telling me something is not right? Is love enough? If it's not enough, can it really be love? I don't expect a definite answer, but some guidance would be greatly appreciated.

http://www.freewebs.com/justachick6/sometimeslovejustaintenuf.htm

Answer 1

The difficult part of any relationship is in knowing when to go with your heart and knowing when to go with your head. What you’re going to get from most people here is advice telling you to listen to one more than the other when in actuality both are just as important. What you really might want to do is write out for yourself a pro’s and con’s list of what you’ve gained and sacrificed in your relationship thus far. To be quite honest, you’ve been together longer than some marriages (albeit they’re mostly Hollywood marriages) but you both seem to be gaining something from the other person. Perhaps you need to figure out what that something is.

In many cases doubts in a relationship can stem from feelings that the relationship is either going nowhere or just general dissatisfaction with their partner. It can also stem from issues with ones self and the environment around them, for example: did you originally start out your relationship enjoying a particular aspect of it at first (sex, partying, socializing, entertaining, etc…) and now one or the other of you is either not into it as much as you used to or too much into it. That’s why making some sort of list might be helpful in determining if there’s been a change.

And if there has been a change that doesn’t necessarily mean that you both have nothing in common or that things can’t change. A good relationship can generally survive changes if it soundly based on principals that you both agreed upon to begin with. That’s why communication is very important, without it a relationship quickly becomes one sided and one or the other of you will feel trapped or dependant of the other to be the source of your happiness.

Answer 2

Rational is just that rational. As for a five year relationship love isn't enough if your not compatible in key areas. As they say you can live on love and eat the babies. No love alone isn't enough. It's not love to fall in love with any pair of eyes posted on yahoo answers that's irrational. The problem with the if it's love theory is you'll end up heaping more and more bad choices into a failing relationship to prove it's love. After five years this issue should be resolved and there are others issues to move on to. If your still asking the love question, well yikes.

Don Henley Sometimes love just ain't enough

I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you
But I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know its your heart you cant trust
There a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Answer 3

I don't think you're too scared to move forward, you just don't see anyway to move forward ,and that's bringing you a little fear. Also, there's a strong sense I'm getting, that you feel you should be much more sorrowful if the relationship ends, than you're feeling at the present moment. Your grand love is sort of disintegrating into a pedestrian matter of living too far away from each other. Love can conquer all, I suppose, but I think your a little disappointed in yourself and him, in that your guys' love isn't even enough to cover a gap in physical distance. My feeling is you're a great romanticist, and even if you felt it at one time in this relationship, it's no longer there, and you're disappointed in yourself and him for it. Your "great" love will come along, you may just need to be single for awhile and not look so hard for it, it's often when we aren't looking for love is when we find it!

Answer 4

I think after 5 years that you should probably stay with him.
It sounds like you love him enough so that is not a problem.
The grass in not greener on the other side.
I was in the same position after 6 and a half years and I left just to be miserable ever since.
My advice is find a way to spice up the relationship some and get married.
The single scene is not what it used to be.
Good Luck!

Answer 5

Whether by fears or not, being uncertain of the progression of a relatiionship is, in my opinion, probably a good indicator that the relationship is doomed. No, love is certainly not enough unless you are lucky enough to be able to compromise willingly with your mate and not look back and regret choices you had made. That leads to resentment. Sit down and talk to him and try to come to a conclusion as to whether or not this is really what you both want and expect.

Answer 6

Like most women you are analysing your relationship to the Nth degree. RELAX!! Are you happy? Is he happy? Can you see yourself with him forever? If the answer to all of these is yes then congratulations you have found your man. If you are having real doubts then they are brought on by real reasons. If that's the case then you have a choice to make. There are many guys out there that would go to the ends of the earth for you. You may not have found that guy yet. IM me to chat if you would like to continue this conversation.

Answer 7

If you are having doubts then there is a reason for it.

Listen to them. Don't take it any further. There should never be any doubts when you are getting into the next step...

Answer 8

I think you answered you own question. Go with your gut. You aren't having those warnings for no reason.
Now, go put some clothes on. Or get self confidence, in which case you won't need everyone to look at you and think you are pretty, because you will know, and your opinion is all that counts.

Answer 9

Five years is enough training time for him. Get engaged for six months or so and then get married.

Answer 10

You pretty much answered your own question.....if your not happy...move on....If u have doubts...Wait......any help???