My sis is coming to stay with me. She has two kids. I live at home, unmarried and feel crap. I love my nieces?

Question

to bits but always dread my sis coming. i live in a muslim family and at the mo there is subtle persitent pressure for me to be marriesd. My sis is modern in her views. She had an arranged marriage and moved out a few years back. She was always in the lime light the daughter who could do no wrong. And now she is the trphy Muslim Wife, daughter and Daughter in law. Last time she satyed for a while she really dug into me about how childish I act. When I say childish..I am 27 and jump up and down like a kid and sometimes put on a baby voice. Its just a bit of fun. But she took it really serious..and decided to have a go at me. I am at home writing up a uni project so there is going to be lots of cobntact time with her. I feel I cannot be myself with her and need to be on guard. the only thing I am looking forward to is seeing my nieces.Last time...I felt so defensive as she was throwing insults at me so i felt I had to put her in her shoes so I brought up when she had an overdose.

she retorted back 'well at least at least I didn't do it three times'. After wards we did apologise. I buy my nieces lots of presents as a way of showing my sis and nieces affection. But there is that distance. My mum keeps reinforcing that when brothers and sisters get married distance does develop. Is that what its meant to be like?

She is coming to stay only for two weeks

Yes I overdosed quite a few times as I went out with a white guy who was old enough to be my dad..and it went pear shaped I didn't understand and had no support and ended up being done for harassment and being drunk and disorderly. That was a few years ago..but I am not on alcohol. I am trying to turn my life around. My sister sees me though as I was. Even if I try because she lives so far way ...she goes to back to how I was. i love reading self -help books and she said I was pathetic for reading them

I live at home UNMARRIED so have to stay with my parents . My parents have invited her. I am thinking of moving out...but need to know how to get through the next two weeks with her coming

Answer 1

Only you are in a position to sort this out.
I wouldn't dream of even offering an opinion.
You are a different religion to me too. So my opinion would be worthless.

Answer 2

Aw bless you.
Have you spoken to your parents and your sister about how you feel? I'd stick around for a few days and see how things are, spend lots of quality time with your nieces and family.
If the situation is very bad, i'd go out with your friends as muchas you can. If your family ask whats wrong just explain that you feel it best to stay away due to the tension. But you may actually be surprised and your sister may be a bit more considerate to your feelings this time round. Remember it's only for 2 weeks. Bite your tongue and ignore the comments.
All the best, and Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

Anyone who's married with kids is a bit jealous of their unmarried siblings. They love their kids and their life, but miss the freedom. If you really want to get up her nose, go out - lots!
She's come to visit your parents, so let them get onwith it. Be the kind and sweet auntie, avoid the personal chats, be polite and friendly and go out! See a movie, visit friends. You've got a worthwhile life, don't let someone else, especially a big sister, take that away from you. We've all made mistakes in our past, you just can't tell what the future will hold. Today's smugness can turn into tomorrow's discontent.
If she calls you names, just come back with a throw-away comment like: "Never mind" and go and watch tv/read in your room/phone a friend.

Answer 4

Hi friend, we all do things in life that we regret but so what it does'nt make you less of a better human being then her, you mentioned that you had a uni project to write up so try to go to the library or somewhere where you can do your work. Do not revolve your timetable around her, and explain to your parents how you feel if you can. Try to get out with friends to the cinema, eat out, park etc. You are an intelligent woman just trying to get the best out of life and one the way you have made a mistake or two who cares!!!!, keep reading the self help books and do not let anyone dictate what you can and cannot do. take care.
email me if you like [e-mail]

Answer 5

I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time. Again, i don't really understand the pressure that you are under as i am not a Muslim. Would it be unthinkable for you to get a room somewhere near uni so that you could have your own space and start being the person you really want to be, also you could limit the amount of time that you have to spend with annoying people. Don't be pressurised into marriage if it doesn't suit you - be your own person. Do your own thing. Good luck.

Answer 6

Hmmm...a very complicated situation. You could tell your sister that you'll be ready to look for a wife when you get out of university. Or you could just patiently explain to her that you're not ready for marriage yet, and you don't want to make a mistake by getting into marriage without love.
You have the rest of your life ahead of you; there is plenty of time to get married and have kids, if that is what you truly want. You sound like a smart guy; try to make her understand your situation and how you think.

Answer 7

Tell her that you have made mistakes in the past and have learnt from them. You now feel that you want to do the best in everything that you can and at the moment that means concentrating on your uni studies. When you have finished that and got yourself settled in a career then you can think about getting married. Tell her that you have prayed for guidance and this is what you have received (I don't know if it works like that in Islam but it does in Christianity!).

Be true to yourself, so you like to have a giggle and you've made mistakes in your life but now you are trying to get back on track. Go for it!

Answer 8

Hello... If I were you I'ld just tell her politely that you'll do things when you feel it's the right time (marriage), and about your behavior (playing) just tell her that you are happy to be as you are, and anyway, you are 27 after all! My grandad used to play too, and I think it was lovley: I don't like miserable serious people that necessary don't do things, even if they know they would have fun! If she carries on just tell her to mind her own buisness and that she will make you loose your temper, and you will NOT invite her again!

Answer 9

Hey dont let her be rude to you just cause your not married,

be a little reversed like dont like her kids too much , and make a life of your own , get married too

but dont let any one tease you espeacially her , if she says anything like why juming aorund well says , that about yourself that you single and much different between a married lady and a single women if she cant jump around thats because she aint got strong bones like you.

be strong and tough , do things that wil make your part of the family strong,

Answer 10

so it was your mum and dad who gave the invite and they want to see their daughter and nieces do you get on with your mum and dad have big sis also who thinks she knows it all and can be nightmare when she comes to stay me also single but full time carer for my mum so she wary of me now as I may pass the buck but she still gives me hard time sometimes guess that's families know she loves me but it can be wearisome at times love her too but have patience.. go to library and do your uni project and give your nieces sometime away from their mum take them out and have some quality time with them ..and forget the past you have moved on good luck