I basically need to be told what I already know. I'm so freakin' retarded I want to slap myself. I'm in a really, really bad marriage. My husband and I fight constantly and he hurts me often. He's hit me and I've hit him. He tells me on a semi-daily basis that he hates me, wishes we hadn't ever gotten married to begin with, etc. Always the next day it's over and he loves me for a few days. Then I come home and it's back to the same old stuff on a different day. I'm not even sure at this point I want to stay married. What do I do? How do I grow the balls to stand up for myself? How the heck do you learn how to like yourself enough to want something better? Just one answer will do. I just need to know if this marriage even sounds like it's worth saving. At this point I think both of us are more concerned about the concept than the actual relationship... Is there anyone out there that can offer me hope?
2006-07-31 00:44:37 · 11 answers · asked by corrie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh yeah, i guess i forgot to mention... I don't have a job. My folks are seriously disfunctional (Yeah, I got issues that go WAY back) Thanks everybody for your input. Like I said, I pretty much know the answer, but needed to hear it from impartial people.
2006-07-31 01:11:53 · update #1
Dear GOD!!! GET OUT of that mess immediately!
Think of it this way:
Nothing you've done so far has changed anything or made your relationship or life better right? None of that "few days where he loves you" makes it better right? Something has to change drastically. Alls it takes on your part is one bold move......once you make that move, you have taken a great leap that you simply have to keep moving foward on. Do this: Call a friend or parent who will put you up. Pack enough things for a week. Go there while your husband is out......do not tell him you are leaving or he will talk you out of it. Go to that person's house and do not go back to your home until you have taken steps with the police or a lawyer. Do not tell your husband where you are under any circumstances. Inform your boss of your situation in case the husband goes nuts.
Trust me......if you get out of this mess, there is not only HOPE but the guarantee of a better life than what you have. I cannot stress that enough. You are wasting your life......which could be full of wonderful happy moments.......with this marriage. You have a hard road going through divorce and possibly arguing over your house. YOu will have a hard time detaching from this man who you're probably addicted to. I cannot sugar coat it......it's hard. Get some therapy immediately. But I promise you you will be happier as soon as you see how much better it is without him. DO NOT go back and leave 12 times. Make one decision, be firm, make a clean break. Do this for yourself, you owe it to yourself.......and you know what? Maybe you're enabling him as well.......and perhaps without you he can get some help and be a better person.
2006-07-31 00:56:45 · answer #1 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you guys are already verbally and physically abusive towards each other it sounds like the marriage is already over.You could try councelling or therapy but both of you have to want to save the marriage.Being that you want to stay married i would tell u to tell your husband this and see if thats how he feels and get therapy.In order to have your self confidence back you have to be treated better when he constantly tells you bad things about you,you will never have that back.And you also have to think about your safety if this is a violent relationship then you need to be very careful because one of these days things may go to far and you end up seriously hurt or even killed.When you marry or you truly love someone that love is not on and off you love each other unconditionally not just when things are going good.I hope everything works out well for you.
2006-07-31 08:03:52 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion the relationship isn't worth saving. There are men out there who won't hit you and tell you that they hate you....trust me....I have one.
You can possibly try counseling, but who knows? It's hard to motivate yourself to leave a relationship when that other person has convinced you that dirt is better than you. Do you have relatives or friends you can lean on for support. Also, I would recommend you actually seeing a counselor on your own to help you with your self esteem. A real man will NEVER EVER hit a woman....no matter what! However, I also think that you should not be hitting him back unless you are defending yourself.
2006-07-31 07:50:52 · answer #3 · answered by littlerandiheather 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry that you are in such a horrible marriage. I know it sounds easy, but you need to get out! Is there anyone you can live with until you can get on your feet? Until you start treating yourself with respect, you will not feel better. This marriage is not worth even trying to save and you know it. You are afraid of the unknown but believe me, it will be better than what you have now. Hopefully, you don't have children with this man, so you can be completely free of him. Don't be surprised if he wants you back and tries to convince you that he has changed. Don't buy it. Find someone that deserves you. Good luck.
2006-07-31 09:02:06 · answer #4 · answered by mab5096 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How about separating and going to counseling together? If you love each other at least there is a chance of getting through it. However, I know I would never put up with being hit in my own home. Best of luck to you.
2006-07-31 07:51:40 · answer #5 · answered by KC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the fact you hit, argue and call each other nasty insulting names shows you both have no respect or love for the other, it basically sounds your marriage is already broken down, you need to divorce him and start your own life up.
no man has the right to hit a woman but no woman has the right to hit a man, two wrongs dont make a right.
2006-07-31 07:51:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This marriage is over. And you both need some anger management.
2006-07-31 07:49:44 · answer #7 · answered by Kanga_tush2 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
iam in a similar situation and just let me tell you NO one deserves to be hit on if id has gotten to that point of a physical issue please walk away before you are carried away in a BODY BAG
2006-07-31 07:59:56 · answer #8 · answered by jbseybmom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get out or get counseling. I hope there are no children involved. You want to get out before there are.
2006-07-31 07:52:57 · answer #9 · answered by Lilybell 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are in an abusive marriage,GET OUT! One of my best friends was killed by her boyfriend.What happens when you get pregnant? Grow the balls and move on please.
2006-07-31 07:49:43 · answer #10 · answered by cyndie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋