Should I marry her?

Question

My new G/F is a wonderful person and I feel that she can be an ideal life partner. But here are two considerations for me before reaching at any final decission. Firstly, shes three year elder than me and mt friends are of view that, she,ll ultimatly take control of you and will become authoritarian with passage of time. Secondly, her elder sister soon after getting married forced her husband to get a seperate home and he had to oblige. Now, I,m a person can not think about leaving my family, She seems very decent and caring now but will she remain as same?

Answer 1

First of all, love isn't measured by three years.
Second, what woman has married, and not controlled, or at least tried to control her man?
Third, you can't judge a book, by her sister. Well, you get my drift.
Fourth, the "new" girlfriend thing bothers me. You need to know her for a while before you start thinking marriage.
My pastor says to watch several things, I may not get this right, but I'll try:
How does she loose? (A game, a fight.. whatever. Is she gracious, or pitching a fit?)
How does she dress? (Self explanatory, but here goes- when a woman dresses in a way to attract the wrong kind of attention- run. I personally think they have no self confidence, and need people to admire and compliment them. No confidence leads to jealously... not a pretty sight. No pun intended. Anyway- too much emotional upkeep.)
**Some of these may have been for the guy, and some may not have been on his list, but since I can't remember, I'm just going to throw them at you. Do what you will with them.**
How does she treat/ respect her parents?
How does she spend her money?
What entertains her?
How will she raise your children?
Will she actually be your "help mate, or will she just use you?
People change a lot during a marriage, do you think you can accept her changes? In every aspect? Are you still going to love her through thick and (a lot of times) mostly thin? Or waist wise- after kids- mostly thick??
Marriage is work. But if you respect each other, then it should work out. If she respects you the way she should, then she won't try to rule you. You are to be the head of the household. She needs to honor that. But you in return, should respect and treat her kindly, gently, and with understanding. (Even though, mostly- women can't be understood...at least try to act like you do...and if you really try to understand.. you score more points...LOL) You are to love her as Christ loved the church, if you can, great, if not, put the marriage off.

Answer 2

You can't base a marriage on wondering how or IF someone *might* change in the future. Neither of you can know that with any degree of certainty as people and circumstances change in life. If she seems like the ideal life partner, discuss the issues that are most important to you and see if she is in agreement with you. But remember; the future will bring what it brings.

As far as the age difference, 3 years is not a gap when you are adults so it is not likely she will be authorative unless you let her assume that role.

If you are talking about leaving your family as in your parents home, this must be a cultural issue for you. Most couples (western), upon marrying, start their *own* home, as they now become a family of 2. If your wife shares your cultural views and expects to live with your family, then it is possible the only reason she would want to leave in the future is if living there disrupts your married life. That would be a mutual decision based on what's best for both of you.

Good luck to you! :)

Answer 3

I'm sorry. But your post makes it sound as if neither you or the other guy were old enough, mature enough, or confident enough to make your own decisions. No on forces you do to anything, unless they have a gun to your head. If the man got another house separate from his wife, and if he felt bullied, then he needs to grow a spine.

A man is the head of his household and the wife is the helpmate. If you have God in the center of your marriage and live by the guidelines outlined for a husband and a wife, then there isn't any of the behavior you just described.

If you are not going to be the head of you house, then don't get married to anyone. Her age has nothing to do with it. My husband is five years younger than I am, but he is the head of our home. We discuss all of the matters of our marriage and how the home runs, but his decision is the last word.

What type of man do you want to be? If you want to be controlled by a controlling woman, then you will be. If you want a happy home where the husband and the wife share the responsibilities, share the good times, share everything and work as a unit---because you are ONE in the flesh, you are ONE in your decision making---then you will discuss the structure of the marriage with this woman before you get married. If she is wanting to be the boss, then she will not make a good wife----she will be your boss---regardless of the age difference.

Answer 4

It is difficult to predict if she will change or remain the same. Just because she is three years older than you doesn't necessarily dicate she will become the authoritarian in your relationship. Remember, it is a 50/50 partnership. What has happened with her sister doesn't mean over time that will happen to you also.

Express your concerns to your girlfriend. Talk about each of these issues and find out what her opinion is. Then take it from there.

Answer 5

Why would you want to take your new wife back to your parents home? That sounds horrible. As for being authoritarian, all wifes are like that! Thats why they call them wifes! Well not all of them. When you get married it is a partnership 50/50. If your wife doesn't want to live with your family then you shouldn't. Would you go and live with her family? Or to be fair then you should split the year into both sides of the family. It is better to be on your own with her. You are creating your own family with her not your mom and dad. Grow some balls and get married.

Answer 6

You can't really judge her by the actions of her sister. These are things you two need to sit down and discuss before you say I do. Especially since they are heavy on your mind. Make sure you leave no rock unturned. Marriage is a sacred unity and shouldn't be entered into lightly or with serious questions like that left unanswered. Talk to her.

Answer 7

i became engaged whilst i became 24 and married whilst i became 26 Our wedding ceremony colors have been a mild peach and chocolate brown We each and each had our brothers as witnesses (2 entire), it became an fairly small wedding ceremony (14 human beings have been there which contain us and our reverend) Our reception became held a month after our wedding ceremony, and we did no longer have assigned seating, maximum folk did no longer sit down, it became a dinner social gathering We had a small chocolate cake and then a sort of cakes for individuals to decide for, i think of there have been 5 distinctive selections We went to Maui for 2 weeks We have been given married in Gleneden coastline, OR, a tiny city on the coast, basically outdoors of Lincoln city

Answer 8

If all she cares about is satisfying HER wants, then this is NOT the woman for you, regardless of how infatuated you are with her now. I said infatuated, because if you love someone and you have disagreement (and all humans do), you compromise and work things out together, not split at first opportunity.You are wise to think long and hard about this before doing something you may regret later.

Answer 9

If you are having ANY doubts, then dont marry her, take your time, and by way, have you any idea as to whether she will marry you, you might be worrying for nothing, she might say no. As for your friends, well, what can I say, they wont be living with her, will they. Tell them to butt out. You are the one who has to make the decision, and I feel if you love her, I mean really love her, it wouldn't make a difference what your friends say. My opinion is that you are not ready to marry her yet, so dont. Famous saying, "When in doubt, then don't" Good Luck

Answer 10

Don't marry her. You are not ready for marriage. If you're still worried about what your friends think, you don't love her or have enough faith in her or yourself that you will succeed. You are making excuses (and pretty weak ones at that) for why this won't work. No matter what her sister did or what your friends think, no one knows her better than you and if you are doubting her now, you won't last in a marriage b/c you are not ready.