I have been friends with this guy for about 12 years always kept in touch. He got married about 5 years ago but is now really unhappy, i have been there for him and listened and have just been a friend. Now he is saying that he wants to be with me. I am not interested and have told him should i cut contact i dont want to ruin a family he has kids with her and i just think he is confused. What do you lot think
2006-07-31 00:40:01 · 20 answers · asked by dizzymooo 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
,,,,,,,,I can speak for this guy,,,,,he has obviously mistaken your friendship and concern for something else entirely......its typical of us to do that, as we`re always susceptible to this type of attention......if you value his friendship, and nothing more, then stick to your guns...it may not be nessesary to lose contact completely, but i would suggest that you should make friends with his wife as well.........he has an emotional tie into you, which should`nt be there......break it gently and you`ll continue to have him.....and his wife....as lifetime friends.....people like you are rare in this world......good luck.
2006-07-31 00:43:10 · answer #1 · answered by paul_9_25 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
im in a similar situation. the advice I know I should follow is if you don't want to lose him as a forever friend don't let him use you as a 'rebound'. If his relationship with his wife eventually disolves on it's own and later your paths cross again and you are both interested in taking your relationship further then perhaps it's meant to be. The trouble is it seems that men can not be friends with women unless they want more. I used to believe that I had a friend who was sincerly uninterested in me as a female and after 7 years (now that I'm married) I find out that's not the case... so I feel your pain. I hope you are able to stick to your guns and do the right thing. I think in the long run you'll be glad you did, and will probably in that way be able to give your friendship the best possible chance of survival. Take it from a professional friendship wrecker. Sex will screw everything up.
2006-07-31 07:50:33 · answer #2 · answered by corrie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your doing the right thing .. I got alot of respect for you !!! All you can do is be real with him .. all marriages have problams at one time or another you should advize him of that and let him know the only way he can work it out and make himself happy is if he goes to his wife and tells her how he feels so they together can fix the problam sometimes ppl grow apart cuz they dont take the time they need for themselves as married couple ..there too busy worrying about money bills children ect..and its sad ..there fast to want divorce ive had alot of problams in my marriage too ALOT but I made the commitment for better or worse till death do us part SO.. I try my hardest ..tell him its important that he have some alone time with his wife.. after children are in bed or however he needs to do it ..he prolly thikns the grass is greener on the other side but its not ! If you guys did hook up whoz to say you wouldnt be having these same problams 5 years down the road ..when your FRIENDS with some and get invovled it changes everything ..you might want to remind him of that aswell ..just be real with him and stick to it tell him you enjoy your friendship and wouldnt wanna ruin it EVERY COUPLE has problams I hope he understands that and being married takes alot of work everyday ..you dont wanna get invovled in that if i wer you id just tell him he needs to spend some time with his wife and children ..tell him not to take them for granted he might regret it later ..if he is feeling this way theres a big chance she is feeling the same and if they dont talk soon and tell each other how they feel then there marriage prolly wont work ..sniff maybe u as a friend needa make him realize the he dunno what he's got untill its gone and then sometimes its too late ... keep doing what your doing girl and kinda keep your distance .. take care and hope it all works out for the best!
2006-07-31 08:05:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are doing the right thing. It is best to put a lot of distance between yourself and married folk unless you are friends with both partners. Marriage means forsaking all others. That takes EFFORT, that forsaking. Nothing can be forsaken if it is not first desired. Don't help him break his vows, he's been unwise enough already. He'd be a lot happier if he learned the secret of contentment, which is far from him obviously. He is confused. Run away girl.
2006-07-31 07:45:27 · answer #4 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's really sad. I have been in that situation. What you are not saying is how much thayt can hurt. Even if you are not interested. You stand to lose a good friendship. Or having a friendship change in a way that it can never be changed back.
I love my friends dearly, and like you, would not entertain a relationship. I love them for their friendship, and that's all.
I'm afraid you have to be strong now and be brutally honest. Not in a nasty way.
You have to tell him that that is not going to happen. He must either accept that or walk away for good.
I'm sure you wouldn't want to lose the friendship, and this is your best chance of keeping it.
Be honest, and be quick about it.
2006-07-31 07:47:28 · answer #5 · answered by JeffE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you're doing great. Backing away sounds like the best you can do - with crushes or lust or confused infatuation or whatever this is, absence ought to cool it. Otherwise it could grow and break up his family, and if it's over nothing, just some idea out of proportion... well, that's no good. Hang in there and good luck!
2006-07-31 07:49:57 · answer #6 · answered by Cedar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right, we all know what it is like to be in an unhappy relationship. You start to look outside of it for hope and comfort. I am not saying he isnt attracted to you but he isnt thinking straight.
You need to sit down with him and explain how you feel, that his behaviour is putting pressure on your relationship and that if he doesnt stop you have to end the friendship.
Therefore, it will be his decision in the end.
2006-07-31 07:56:04 · answer #7 · answered by ange1magik 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you did the right thing. Its ironic that he's unhappy at home but probably tells you things he does not tell the wife. Direct him to put his energy into his marriage for a while to see if things improve and then make his decision. Insist that you will NOT ever been seen to be a home wrecker.
2006-07-31 07:48:11 · answer #8 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be firm at your decision, but if you like his company, and he is worth of yours, you don't need to cut the contact. Just let him know, firm but kind, that you're not into him that way, and that he should give his attention to his wife and kids, instead of looking for a side. At least that's what I would do.
2006-07-31 07:45:49 · answer #9 · answered by AlphaOne_ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's unhappy, and he's been confiding in you, it's only natural for him to be attracted to you. Give him some time and he should come to his senses that you're just friends. If you two are true friends, you should be able to talk it out, he's just confused right now.
2006-07-31 07:45:42 · answer #10 · answered by WestCoastin4Life 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep letting him know you are only interested in maintaining a friendship....period. If he keeps pushing for more, you may need to end this friendship...which would be unfortunate since you have known him for 12 years.
You definitely don't want to get involved in a love triangle. It is not healthy and something like this affects everyone involved. Keep your focus.
2006-07-31 07:45:47 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋