My husbands a good man, good husband for the most part, excellent dad.. but our sex life is really bad, and causing me emotional heartache.. Basically in the 4 yrs we've been together 3 and a half of them its pretty much been the same .but gotten worse with time..especially since we got married a little over a year ago.. its gotten to if i dont instigate our sex life it doesnt happen, and unfortunately im one of those low self esteem , emotional women, that i need to be desired, craved, wanted, lusted, made to feel pretty ect. so its not the physical part of sex that i crave as much as the emotional part.. He says he loves me, wants me sexually just doesnt have the desire to have sex with me..or anyone for that matter..gives all these excuses cigs, age,stress from work , Stress from his x wife, caffene, ect the list goes on and on.. ive talked to him, ive cried, we've had 2 weekends this month with out any kids, and still nothing..i feel like he loves me, just not attracted to me..
2006-07-31 00:12:47 · 12 answers · asked by Bre B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Ive talked to him, explained how i feel, he's made promises he doesnt keep, we've talked about him going to the doc, but he kinda just blew it off...and only gets defensive and shuts down when i try to talk to him..
2006-07-31 00:14:38 · update #1
It is a well known fact that when a relationship is in trouble, or at least, undesireable, then sex is the first thing to go.
Stress could be a big part for your husband's lack of interest, or it could be something else and go much deeper. I would suggest some marital counceling or if that is not an option, a sit down heart to heart where no one is accusing the other- just a session to get all of your feelings out into the open. Have you explained your feelings to your husband?
After some sort of counceling, maybe your man could see the doc. and get some sort of meds to raise his libido.
2006-07-31 00:18:10 · answer #1 · answered by < Roger That > 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Bre B,
In my opinion, last 2 lines sums it all (2 weekends without kids, and still nothing). Something is surely wrong.
Now the reasons, You have explained your side of the story and is well understood. But I guess, you are, may be, too demanding or require a lot of pampering, which may be causing distance between you people. Just think on this.
Why don't you take the lead in these matters, say for the next two weeks or so. See how he reacts and you may find the cure to this problem.
Remember always, Prevention is better than cure. How it is prevented, by waiting for things to happen, or by initiating them on your own, upto you to decide.
Good luck!
2006-07-31 00:24:39 · answer #2 · answered by GS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that he is very much afraid of confronting reality. What this reality is, may not be what you would like to hear. Some men have difficulties in accepting the sexual component of marriage. They married a "mom" and not a partner. He may also be sexually disfunctional. But there are two other bad scenarios: 1. He may be does not want the relationship with you anymore (even if he cares about you) or he may be seeing some one else. In both cases he is afraid of telling you. Either way, if he does not want to talk to a counselor, maybe you should. And keep this card in the game: May be the only solution is for you to separate. In this case prepare a strategy for economical survival for you and your children.
2006-07-31 00:22:19 · answer #3 · answered by regis_cabral 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay.. this is Soooooo Common....
If you're at ALL attractive... And he has a PULSE... trust me... he lusts after you. Chances are at some point you've rejected him and at some point he said... "why bother". (I know I know, men are like that, it's not right... but that's often times how it works).
Here's what I suggest... Don't throw yourself at him...but put yourself in a position where he can "catch" you. (that's a metaphor)... Like come do bed in the middle of he week wearing NOTHING or something silky or sexy. If that doesn't work... come to MY house...
(Okay.. kidding with that last part)... but now... let's get serious again.
Look SEX isn't the answer to everything. You can't present or participate in a miserable life... and then... jump in bed... and fix it.
The fact that sex is predicated on "having the kids"... indicates that things are being predicated on other things, that should NOT be in the mix.
(I hope that last sentence wasn't too deep)
Look... every woman wants to be lusted after... If you understand MASLOW'S hierarchical needs chart... you'll see WHY it's not happening.
Be gentle with yourself... and him.
2006-07-31 00:21:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need a bit on the side... Though that can be very dangerous, especially given that you want the emotional connection rather than JUST the sexual contact...
If he is making excuses for his none desire and unwilling to make changes to his life-style, then it looks as though a f*ck-buddy is what you need, someone that will give you that which is needed...
2006-07-31 00:18:57 · answer #5 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That must really suck! I am so sorry to hear when any suffers like this. But if he had been like the whole time you were together, why did you marry him? I am not trying to be critical but did you expect it to get better after you got married? Maybe you should think about marriage counseling or moving on.
2006-07-31 00:24:50 · answer #6 · answered by hummingbird 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well did you ever stop to think why he has an ex-wife? maybe this is all the stuff she had to put up with which turned her into a "*****" because i know he calls her that and you just back him up and don't have her story. anyway if that is the case which i sure it is because nobody changes much, then it is just what you have to deal with or leave.
2006-07-31 00:18:58 · answer #7 · answered by drunkenbastard4135 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think i know how does that feel, i have some lady friends with the same problem, some of them keep trying, some give up, and some end up in an another man arms...
perhaps you should be of the first type...try to be attractive if you want to be attracted to, give him feelings, for him to give it back to you, don't just wait for him to do it, make the first move, coz maybe he is not aware of that he is not doing and thinks that he is giving his best...so my advice is, "Do, whatever you want, to be done to you"...:)
take care
2006-07-31 00:24:36 · answer #8 · answered by Gossai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to go to the doctor. You have needs and they are not being met. If he isn't prepared to do what he needs to do to make you happy then you're history. No need to hold on to something that isn't going to work. Not this early in the game.
2006-07-31 00:18:35 · answer #9 · answered by bookfreak2day 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2 types of sex, lovey dovey and down and dirty. a bit of down and dirty is needed to get the ball rollin' again, But the trick is not to try too hard, let him find you "helping yourself" on the bed wearing thigh-highs and long PVC gloves, all that stuff.
If that doesn't work, spike his drink with viagra.
2006-07-31 00:19:52 · answer #10 · answered by mojawoja 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋