he is being really nasty threatening to take the kids off me and saying i am an unfit mother two of my kids are upset about what he saying any suggestions
2006-07-30 23:20:24 · 28 answers · asked by womonit 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get a court order now for residency. Did you know that here in the UK, he can just take the kids away from you, and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it, other than go to court and fight for them back which is a position I'm in at the moment.... my baby girl was ripped off my breast and my little boy is devastated to see me only other weekend and its killing me inside a little each day.
I'm in court in September, but it hurts so bad not to have with them.
This for my husband is not about the children, its about winning me back and there are times when i think it would be easier to go back... but i keep thinking just hold on a little longer, but its so hard.
Try and work things out with your husband, tell him that he's upsetting the children, and that you don't want to keep him out of their lives no matter what problems exist between you... and then try and work through it. Put your own feelings aside.
He will have to work hard to prove you are an unfit mother, after all, how many guys throw this one in the divorce courts... loads I bet, the courts have heard all of this mud throwing before.
Get a temporary residency order for now, your solicitor should be able to advise you better.
2006-07-30 23:29:13 · answer #1 · answered by dirtyminx82 3 · 7⤊ 0⤋
Ok obviously your relationship has broken down, but you BOTH have children caught up in this mess, try not to use them to score points off each other. Try and get him to see and for you both to agree access to the children and that you will not use them to hurt each other. In the long run, you will both gain from bringing up happy children and at least having something positive from your marriage. If possible agree to see a counsellor and to listen to each others grievences without interuption. Holding onto hatred will sour you relationship with the children, friends and maybe a future love, accept it is over and move on with your life, but put the children first. By showing you are being reasonable and making moves in the best interest of the children is you biggest defence against being an unfit mother.
2006-07-30 23:33:32 · answer #2 · answered by Breeze 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Been there and done that. the only way that he can take the kids is by proving you are unfit, for that to happen you would have to have sex with guys in front of your kids, do drugs in front of them and so forth and so on....plus, he has to have cold hard proof of it in the form of pictures and in order for him to do this he has to hire a Private Investigator and those dont come cheap.
Relax, he is just upset about the divorce, even if he was the one that caused it and filed, and is trying to take it out on you. my ex did this for a very long time, even after the divorce was settled and i won custody. it gets old after a while. your best bet would be to lay low and dont do anything bad (not saying you would) until the judge finalizes the divorce. most judges know that soon to be ex hubbies will get up on the stand and throw out all kinds of accusations and crap like that, they dont fall for it.
as far as i can see it you are good to go. You should be fine.
2006-07-30 23:26:45 · answer #3 · answered by Tracey E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First no parent of a divorce should ever put down another parent. If one parent is unfit then this should be settled in court. If he is doing this because he is hurt he needs to stop this. Both parents need to bury all the hurt and anger when you are dealing with your children. Your children don't need any of this bull.
Remember he most likely would love to have his children just as much as you. He is the male and in this country it counts against him. But! What is best for the children should be first and I know he is not thinking this way by what he as stated to his kids.
Go to court or get counseling for you both for your children's sake and learn how to raise them correctly after a divorce.
2006-07-31 00:23:43 · answer #4 · answered by Mit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you waiting for? You need to seek out legal counsel. Beg borrow from family members. Your children have rights and that is a right to a safe environment.
If you haven't filed for divorce DO SO.....Your divorce petition will lay out the specifics in regards to your children and their care and well being. Keep in mind....just because you are the mother doesn't necessarily grant you the right to be the sole custodial parent!!!.....
Your children are being used as your pawns in your marital break up....and are the focal point for your frustrations and anger with each other. STOP this behaviour now!!!!! It's not only unhealthy for the children but it doesn't serve any purpose but for you and your husband to have something to be nasty with each other about.
You might even have to get an Order of Protection if your spouses anger becomes physically violent towards you!!
SEEK OUT A family law attorney TODAY...Get legal advise....and then FILE for divorce and be done with all this nonsense!
2006-07-30 23:42:10 · answer #5 · answered by aunt_beeaa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is probably clinging onto an insecurity of yours. The best thing to do is see a good solicitor, if he is been really nasty and it is in front of the children, it is a form of domestic violence. If he texts you nasty things keep them, if he shouts around the house record him. Turn the tables round but dont let him know what you are doing. Once you have enough on him walk and go to family, friends, even a womens refuge. I hope things get better for you - remember you are a good person, good mom. no court in the land is going to agree for the children to go with 'dad' unless you do drugs, abuse your children etc.!!
2006-07-31 04:44:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My advice that every marriage or relationship that any one has today always end up nasty. This is there anger and they say a lot of hurtful words when they think they are the only one who's suffering from the break-up. You need to find your self a solictor so he can help you sort out the mess and he will draw up any papers between you and him over the children. keep your chin up it does get easier for you .
2006-07-30 23:36:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont ever put the children in the middle as a bargaining stage. Its unfair to the children and later in their life it can have disastrous results. You have to be grown up at this stage, get yourself a good lawyer, and go on from there.He sounds like a guy that needs taking to the cleaners, and if you consider you are a good mother and he cant prove otherwise, the dice is loaded, against him.. Good Luck.
2006-07-30 23:53:47 · answer #8 · answered by srracvuee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you are psychotic, taking illegal drugs or habitually drunk no court in the land would allow him to take the kids. To be honest men dont really have a clue about looking after them anyway. And the courts know this.
He is just saying it to get at you.
Keep calm, make sure the kids are looked after (enlist help if you need it) and tell him he will have the fight of his life if he even tries to get them off you.!!!
PS I am a male.
2006-07-30 23:44:38 · answer #9 · answered by Ian H 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hire a good lawyer. Even if he is threatening you to take the kids legally he can not until he has custody. He is just using that as a ruse to keep you. Don't listen to him! Let your kids know that it is not their fault and you will be fine.
2006-07-30 23:27:28 · answer #10 · answered by michiganwife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋