How would you handle a situation where you live with a man, (father of you children) whom you love and you believe loves you but does not want to marry you? He not married to any other person.
I know we are living in sin, and I have brought up the issue of marriage a number of times to the extent I felt like I was nagging and then gave up bringing up this topic at all.
What puts me off is that he participates vigorously in each and every other person’s arrangements to get married. He shies away form any radio or TV program talking about marriage.
You views on this situation are welcome
2006-07-30 22:25:07 · 11 answers · asked by Sery 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hey, you have a loving relationship. Who says you must get married. Why is it a sin to live together? I think the bible talks of love a lot. It mentions marriage but I do not recall anywhere it says it is a sin not to marry! That is just moralising by Christians putting their own interpretation on it.
I have seen your scenario played out before. Pressure keeps up for marriage and the man eventually gives in and the marriage goes ahead. A couple of years down the line and they get divorced in acrimony. Those that did not marry stayed together.
What is so unacceptable about your current loving relationship that you feel it necessary to endanger it? You have a loving partner and loving kids. That is an awful lot of people to be hurt if your one desire is accomplished and then goes wrong!
Is your desire for marriage not selfish? Can you find no satisfaction in your relationship without marriage? Is your love that shallow?
2006-07-30 22:37:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, I think a big reason why men won't marry the women they are living with is because they've never grown up. He's lived with you, had children by you, and can't get the guts to marry you? Sure, that's what I call love.
Well, you have a decision to make. How much do you want to be married? If marriage is important to you and you are willing to risk the relationship than tell him it's either the marriage license or hasta la vista, baby. If you're not willing to have him (maybe) leave than, let's just say, you have sealed your own fate.
I told my husband, who I was living with at the time, that I could not live with him anymore without being married because it wasn't right and I wasn't going to live like that anymore... and then I moved out. Well, he immediately proposed but I started wondering why I had to dump him before he would ask me. We eventually married but I still feel that, if he were the man he thought he was, he should have taken it upon himself to marry me. Oh, well.
Oh, by the way, if you ever expect to collect his social security if he dies you can forget it unless you are married. SSI doesn't recognize any relationship except the legal kind. And it doesn't matter HOW long you've lived with him.
Also, David, so marriage isn't mentioned in the Bible, huh. Why don't you read I Corinthians for starters and you can go on from there. Also, the word used in the Bible to mean sex between unmarried persons is "fornication" just in case you didn't know. Look for it.
2006-07-30 23:06:54 · answer #2 · answered by Ellen J 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion: Marriage is nothing more than a documental binding of two individuals. You can be married at heart without the paperwork. Having the ceremony and all that good stuff is a material part of the committment, meaning it's not necessary. If he loves you, that should be all you need. But I do agree with another answer - he should be mature enough to discuss it with you as to why he doesnt want to acknowledge it. As a man, I can agree with others. It is a difficult and fear of failing at it plays a major part in making that decision.
2006-07-30 23:06:19 · answer #3 · answered by midd1902 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a highly charged issue. There are many reasons for men to fear it - fear that it won't work, fear they'll desire another woman, fear of failure.
Putting off the problem allows a certain type of freedom that a man 'must give up'.
It's until a man is really ready, which ideally is before he has children (note, that's not a judgement. I did that myself). But it can easily be afterwards - again, like myself.
Marriage is a committment like nothing else - it won't work until he's ready. But he should at least be mature enough to discuss his views on it with you.
2006-07-30 22:30:14 · answer #4 · answered by justwebbrowsing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my opinion if that man loves me i don't think so i need anything else from him. thats more than sufficient to live life. u already have childrens and u r leading a happy life with him then there is no problem. the problem arises only there if he loves u but marry with other one. but in ur case he is not marrying anybody else also. so his love should hold much higher place in ur life then getting married to him.and bout making others arrangements is his liking u should respect that instead of worrying on it. that's a goood work.
2006-07-30 22:33:36 · answer #5 · answered by samhim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you obviously not okay with situation. Think about what u want, maybe he's comfortable with the arrangement, he has u and his child without any commitment, aka, he can bail out anytime, without any legal responsibility. Take action, move on with your life, he could be the father but if he's afraid to take responsibility, maybe he's not the right partner for u. Found uot what make him shy away, tell him that this isn't make u feel comfortable and he has to overcome whatever it is that make him not want to commit. If he's the one, he'll do whatever it takes to be with u, if he's not, be brave and move on. Find what u need and the best for you kid.
2006-07-30 22:54:11 · answer #6 · answered by miauwme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I presume he is a good man and make the following observations:
1. In a way he is informally committed to you and you only
2. his parents relationsip or his family's maritial history may give you answers.
3. he might be thinking that if he marries you he might lose you to divorce (just say this line to him and watch his reaction closely)
4. He might be taking you for granted ( I think and i hope he isnt)
Dont think you are living in sin marriage is just a social contract.
Most importantly ask him about your childrens future(i presume they are sired by him) does he want them growing up in insecurity? does he want them to be called illegitimate? BASTrds? Tell him society will tear them to shreds in school college peers life everywhere.. try and make him understand him gently.
Best of luck
God Bless you
2006-07-30 23:19:28 · answer #7 · answered by is_cupid_stupid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a moth and commitment is my light. Did I mention I am also a very happily married man?
2006-07-30 22:29:24 · answer #8 · answered by jbhafford 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you kinda put the horse before the carriage didn't you - have you ever heard that saying why buy the milk if the cow is free
2006-07-30 22:47:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i have no idea what his problem is!
2006-07-30 23:42:08 · answer #10 · answered by Kheme 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋