Hello all, I am 24 and currently stationed in Iraq. I have been married for over a year and I have a serious problem. I have an almost uncontrolable crush with a female I work with who is single. My wife and I have a fairly good relationship. The female over here stationed with me is wonderful in my eyes. First thing I think of when I wake up, last thing before I sleep. I even have those weighed chest pains because I want to be with her so badly. My wife is good with money, going to college, loyal, and very giving. But, we are constantly annoyed with each other. Well, that's how I feel anyways because she's always letting me know how much I frustrate her vice/versa. We hardly ever have sex.......once every month or two. She drinks roughly 8 beers everynight. I have tried being romantic and I have tried to "fix" those things that she dislikes about me. It might work temporarily bu in the end I go back to my normal self. I feel very unfulfilled in my mariage. Advice?
2006-07-30 20:45:03 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, most people will tell you that you have married her and are therefore stuck with her. That's all BS.
First, you have to decide if you love your wife. No, I don't mean if you like her a lot, but I mean, honest-to-goodness LOVE her. If you are unsure, which, obviously, you are, then you need to think of the next question.
Are you willing to do WHATEVER it takes to save your marriage? Do you think that counseling COULD save it? Is it just a difference between two people that will always be and cannot be changed?
If you feel that your marriage cannot be saved, I suggest divorce. There is no need to spend your life with someone you are not in love with and who makes you unhappy. If YOU are unhappy, then your wife is probably also unhappy. You need to talk with her. Don't tell her about the other woman you think of, just talk to her about your marriage. Talk to her about love and ask her for her feelings. Ask if she would want to attend counseling. If she isn't willing to go to counseling, then that may be a red flag signaling to you that she is unhappy also. Divorce then is the only option. That way, you can find whoever it is that can make you happy AND she can find someone also. Just make sure that whatever you decide, you will not regret it. You have to be so absolutely certain that it is the right choice, that there is NO room for doubt. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
Good luck with your endeavors.
2006-07-30 21:52:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like maybe you made a bad choice by getting married. Don't cheat though. Think very carefully about your wife. Would this crush be as serious if you were still spending nights with your wife? Are you still commited to her in your heart? Sometimes being away and in stressful situations makes people vulnerable to affairs. Think carefully before you do anything. If you cheat and stay with your wife, you can never tell her what you did. You have to live with the guilt, don't dump it on her to make yourself feel better. Being "honest" with her to clear your conscience is not fair to her. I suggest that if you do want/need to cheat so badly divorce your wife. It will then clear the way to have a normal relationship with this woman you desire so much. She will think more of you and have more faith in you knowing you didn't cheat on your first wife. Good luck and be safe.
2006-07-30 21:00:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are having those feelings because you are missing your wife! You are lonely over there and you know very well that women always know...sooner or later when their man has cheated. ANd how can you feel fullfilled when you are 7000 miles away. She probley drinks because she is lonely and it's easier to deal with your being away and worrying that you may not come back.
A military marriage takes alot of work on both parts. And one of those jobs is trying to stay faithfull...........take this from an ex-military wife whose ex is beggin to come back after doing what you want to do. You have a fairly good relationship because you are not home 24/7. Remember what made you fall in love with her. And hope to get back to her soon!
CHECK OUT ARTICLE 134 of the Military Conduct Code also.
2006-07-30 20:55:21 · answer #3 · answered by rdhedhottie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the first problem was that you got married at 23, I sorry to say but you were to young, that is why you want another person, If you where really IN LOVE with your wife, this other woman could Not effect you at all, But I don't think you truly fall in love until you are in your 30's, In your 20's your hormones are out of control, and we as humans begins always mistake Lust for love.
I think you should get a divorce before she has a baby to try and keep you, and you should follow your heart for now!
2006-07-30 20:59:21 · answer #4 · answered by Gina G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DON'T DO IT!!!!!! please don't do it, you will throw away everything you have, nothing good will come of it! marriage isn't gonna be bliss all the time, it's normal and everyone goes through it!! you are in a rut with your wife but it's no excuse to cheat!! EVER!! do whatever it takes to make things right with your spouse, please. i am also a military wife and my husband is deployed so i understand!!!! i realize things are very hard with where you are stationed and try to remember that it's hard for your wife too! also, you're only 24, you're young and it's easy to make these kinds of mistakes b/c you don't realize the consequences of it!! if you're unhappy be honest with your wife and get counseling. also whatever you do DO NOT CONFIDE IN THIS OTHER WOMAN!!!!!
2006-07-30 20:55:26 · answer #5 · answered by origchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't u have real stuff to worry about being stationed in iraq? don't cheat on ur wife, if u think it's over then divorce her. if not, then stop thinking about this other female and go back to work!!!
remember what comes around, goes around--she's back at home alone too...
2006-07-30 20:53:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I think it happen all the time. And also I think it happen with the married women having one a single guy.
2016-03-27 08:01:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you married your wife thru thick and thin. try to stop thinking about the other wonderful woman in your life and focus on saving your marriage. good luck to you and i pray for yall everyday.
2006-07-30 20:50:01 · answer #8 · answered by starla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
divorce if you have no kids maybe you should move on at least without kids you can come out without loosing your shirt in the divorce. remember you need to be happy also
2006-07-30 20:55:49 · answer #9 · answered by bigdog10210210 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not go right ahead all you will lose is your marrage if she finds out that is te risk you have to take but ask yourself is it worth it if you think so then do it if not grow up. my opion?
2006-07-30 20:57:31 · answer #10 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋