I see you talking to your friends.
With all the pressure on me,
it seems like they'll never end.
I take a glance,
my only chance
catch you by the eye.
So many things rushing through my head.
I freeze,
here I am wishing I were dead.
Lonliness has stuck by my side
but now I have to let it go.
By now my eyes are starring at the ground,
not going with the flow.
It seems that we will never be.
But please,
give it a chance.
But please,
if you could only see ....
2006-07-30 19:30:38 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
chill, i'm only 13! ovcoarse i'm not perfect lol. oh yeah, thanks for the advice
2006-07-30 19:38:02 · update #1
yeah i'll work on it
2006-07-30 19:57:46 · update #2
there are many different ways to write stanzas, each line break represents a pause or different emotion taking place
2006-07-30 21:58:17 · update #3
The feeling & emotion are great, needs work on the rhythm. The 2nd verse is the best, "I take a glance, my only chance, catch you by the eye." The rest of the poem should flow like that. The 4th verse also has promise, but a different ryhthm.
2006-08-03 15:52:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been a poet for many years, and went through phases where I used different layouts and styles, and I learned that the text has to match the style and layout you pick. I definately think, taking into account the style and layout you chose, I can honestly say it's exceptional. Good job!!
You should message me if you want anymore feedback. I'm 21 and still love poetry--you seem to be pretty advanced for your age. Don't let anyone discourage you.
2006-07-30 19:39:28 · answer #2 · answered by ak47_girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excellent
2006-07-30 19:47:30 · answer #3 · answered by mansongirl17us 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
poetry is an art where flow, rythm and beauty of words should be in use. Try to use metaphors and try to make a flow of how you feel and how it affects you. to be better, a poem usually consists of first part metaphor and the second part the message.
2006-07-30 19:34:15 · answer #4 · answered by Vearn 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eh, the rythym's not too great and the stanzas should probably be the same number of lines, but it's okay.
2006-07-30 20:56:00 · answer #5 · answered by o.o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anything that comes straight from the heart is beautiful....This is no exception.....Well done you must really like this person, perhaps you should tell them how you feel even if its through your poetry.
2006-07-30 19:36:40 · answer #6 · answered by Spellbinder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think I wrote that....nah just playin' but it is good! You came up with that off the top of the dome? Damn, that is real talent!
2006-07-30 19:33:56 · answer #7 · answered by Erik R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice.
2006-07-30 19:36:02 · answer #8 · answered by FL Girl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well dear, it's not Tennyson is it? But keep trying.
2006-07-30 19:34:31 · answer #9 · answered by littlechrismary 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a good one..even I used write..
but not such good ones..
good day.
2006-07-30 21:08:58 · answer #10 · answered by nats 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋