My husband and I have been married for just over 3 years. We recently had a son (8.5 months old), and it is just getting really frustrating. We both work, and have a system set up that I get up with the baby Tue-Friday and he gets up Sunday and Monday. He is supposed to get up with the baby saturday, but its "too hard to get up so early," so I usually end up doing it. When he does wake up with him, he usually just lets him crawl around, crying, even though it's obvious that the baby is hungry or wants attention. I tried to explain to him many times what the baby's cries meant, but he doesnt even try any the 3 solutions to the problem (feed the baby, play with the baby, or the baby needs a nap....wow...so hard!).
Also, I am the only one who comes up with ideas to try to keep the spark alive in our marriage. I am the one suggesting we go out on dates, arranging childcare, etc. he doesnt even suggest these things anymore, All that matters to him are his video games and his TV. Not us.
2006-07-30 18:39:42 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
leave. for a weekend....alone. it may seem hard with a new baby, but whatever you choose to do, get the point across. if he doesn't get it. it's ultimatum time. no ****...trust me.
2006-07-30 18:43:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, men.
Is really that bad your situation?
I understand your anger and deception, but most of the men grew up in a family where the woman was on charge of kid's care, education and family's every day's need...even if working harder than men home or in both places.
Your deal is not bad, but considering that we are much stronger than them, he might feel exhausted.
Besides, when a baby is born all the family has to get adapted to the new situation, what takes the center of attention that before the baby was born belonged to daddy, replacing him while dedicating your attention to the little one. I know it might sound stupid, but feelings have no reasons.
About sexuality, also changes quite a lot after having a baby.
I think that is a bit early to push to hard on him, but enough as to have a serious conversation with him about the future of your marriage. Difficult to solve in one time, then you will have to have some more patience.
Somewhere and even it is very childish, your husband is taking a little revenge on you both being so attentive to his video games and TV.
The idea of taking a long weekend or even if possible a week out and going for some days away from civilization, no TV or video games in between the three of you might be excellent.
You can always give him a surprise, if he keeps on behaving so passive, and organize everything to a camping or similar place and be sure there's not electricity and the video games gets lost.
It will not be a problem for your son; he will enjoy it, neither for you.
If your husband gets in a panic attack, bad for him. Give him a chance to enjoy the new reality and get adapted. You might be surprised how good it may work specially if you bring a ball and try to create a stronger link between the father and his son.
Good luck, now you do have two little kids to take care of.
Fro
2006-07-30 18:59:49 · answer #2 · answered by Expat Froggy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I had the same problem. I was getting obsessed with PC games. My wife told me about her concerns and we made a deal. She gives me one day a week that my buddy can come over and play games (almost all day if we have time). She has gotten into playing the games as well, and usually participates. When the kids need attention, we take a break for a few minutes to deal with that and everbody gets a chance to have a restroom break, get a drink, etc. Now it's something that we do together and enjoy it. My part of the deal was spending less time playing games and helping more, too. Perhaps you could tell him that you miss him and want to spend more time with him, and then suggest something like what my wife and I do . . . then tell him "that way the baby gets taken care of and we get to have some fun too" . . . You need to focus on the idea that you and he are both "the good guys" (the two of you are not adversaries), and it's a simple matter of coordinating things so that everything is better for everbody. I would love to get an email from you to find out if it works . . . !
2006-07-30 19:59:26 · answer #3 · answered by Lee C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not cook dinner, dress and you and the child be gone when he comes home.
Leave the TV on his favorite game ready to go. Leave empty potato chip bag on the couch.
Come home around 8:30. Be cheerful. Offer no explanation.
If he asks, you wanted to make sure that he had peace and quit while he played his game. About dinner - Oh, you have not seemed so interested lately so I did not want to keep you from your game. (with a smile)
BE GONE THE NEXT EVENING ALSO' leave a MAC Donald hamburger on the table and the TV Game set up and ready.
2006-07-30 18:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, i do no longer advise every person under 13 play an M game, there is a few heavily person content textile in some M video games. i decide for to advise you look on the back, if it says "blood and gore" and you do no longer decide on your youngster to confirm blood and gore, do no longer purchase it. whether your son is mature, I in actual fact do no longer advise them, i'm sixteen, I wasn't allowed to play M video games until i became 14, and that i'm nonetheless no longer allowed to play video games with nudity. Duke Nukem, Saint's Row, and Grand theft motor vehicle are probable the worst of the bunch, in case you have been to eliminate any of them, eliminate those ones. besides the undeniable fact that, in case you think of your new child is mature adequate, enable him have them, yet confirm you apart from would evaluate for his friends. i does not blame you as a confirm whatever determination you're making.
2016-11-03 08:43:51 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick his butt! Seriously if you don't stick up for yourself who will? Tell him you've had enough and he became a parent to and he damn well better start acting like it. Let him know that he's making himself a burden instead of an asset and that if thats going to be the way it is he can be replaced! Until you put a stop to it, it isn't going to stop. Make him a schedule that would be acceptable to you, leave some time for his games but clearly include time for wife and kids and helping around the house. Tell him if he wasn't acting like a child you wouldn't have to be providing him with a schedule...basically tell him to grow up!
2006-07-30 20:12:48 · answer #6 · answered by dappersmom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try putting out. I also hear that walking in front of the tv while he's playing video games with no shirt on helps greatly, just a thought.
2006-07-30 18:54:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try marriage counseling. If he won't go, go on your own. They can help you navigate through the troubled waters. Also, he may take you more seriously once he realizes that it's serious enough of a problem that you must see a therapist for it.
2006-07-30 19:27:31 · answer #8 · answered by It's Just Chris 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are using the wrong technique. I suggest you develop an interest in the games too...yes, some are childish and quite boring, but you are looking for a means to keep the family unit, so do it. Perhaps things that you are interested in are equally boring to him....the old say "If you can't beat them, then join them."
2006-07-30 18:56:41 · answer #9 · answered by Frank 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
IT MIGHT BE A PHASE. LIKELY, HE IS ADDICTED TO THE VIDEO GAMES-HE NEEDS CHALLENGE. HE NEEDS TV BECAUSE IT DOESN'T TALK ABOUT FEEDING AND CHANGING DIAPERS. YOU NEED TO COMMUNICATE ON A LEVEL ABOVE XBOX AND BELOW YOUR LONG TERM WANTS AND NEEDS. IF HE IS TOO SELF-ABSORBED TO SEE IT, TALK TO A LAWYER. HOPEFULLY, THAT IS LAST OPTION. CHEATING IS NOT AN OPTION.
2006-07-30 18:48:09 · answer #10 · answered by sinned 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋