have u ever burn bridges with your friends?

Question

Im talking about bridges as in staying out or just stop hanging around with your "friends". Well some of my clouses "friends" I have burn bridges with because they have change before my eyes, it came to the fact that they sold me out too many times that I said "f@ck it". They even talked behind my back...lord know what they said about me. Im a very loyal friend to have, i just dont know what made them change and sold me out...I guess as you grow up you find whos you're friend really are.

Answer 1

I'm still reeling from a friendship that went south just barely two months ago. We had known each other closer to 30 years than 20 years, from grade school, and were best friends from about 7th grade through high school, into college, into early adulthood. But there were lots of changes: I moved several times, got married, divorced, got my BA, chose not to have kids, started one career, went to graduate school and got my MA, moved again, and ended up 1700 miles away from my friend in order to have a much better career and to marry the man I love.

My friend on the other hand came from a family of 10 and had a disabled sister who died in her early 30s, around the time I was going through my divorce -- so we were not there for each other; we were going through our own dark times. She graduated high school, did not start college immediately, started college but went to find a husband, married, had five miscarriages and two boys, one of whom has a mental defect and learning disability. She is a stay at home mom who does not drive a car, is traditional, conservative, and puts most of her identity into being a wife and mother. So we turned out to be very different people in our adult years.

The betrayal came for me when I realized that her husband had poisoned her mind against me. At one point after a minor disagreement about something truly trivial which resulted in six months of the silent treatment, I thought we might actually solve everything, but no matter what I said, she found ways to obstruct and throw up barriers that didn't really exist. There was lots of defensiveness, obstructionism, martyr complex, and passive-aggressive hostility. I suspect she is jealous of me because my life is much freer and happier than hers. I even suspect that she may be being abused by her husband, but since he's the breadwinner and she has no degree and no drivers license and two dependent children, she may feel stuck. So he poisoned her against me and she told me that our friendship was over. Sad and pointless how that turned out.

You do grow up and find out who your friends really are. I realize now at 38 that just as in any relationship, be it friendship or marriage, you have to grow together, and you have to share thoughts and experiences in order to grow at the same pace. I have another friend that I met at around the same time, but she and I have basically grown at the same pace and have done a lot of the same things, just not in the same state! She and I were out of touch during college years, but when we got back in touch, it was as if we were just picking up the conversation where we left off. You can't count on history alone to save a friendship.

When I found out that my former friend had let her husband read her emails and edit them in order to write in more hate and spite, that really killed it for me. Up to that point, I had been willing to keep the door open, but when I found that out, that she was weak and too influenced by him, my heart closed. I was done with the friendship. I'm still friends with my other friend, her cousin, and I hope that she and I will be friends for another 30 years or more.

Basically life happens while you're making other plans, as John Lennon said. For women, often pregnancy and children happen while you're making other plans. I know that having a lot of education plus choosing not to have children has influenced some friendships negatively. I also think that there are some people out there who don't want to know you unless you are just like them. But that's a load of crap because no one is just like you. Everyone is different, and it's always better to keep an open mind and an open heart and celebrate differences, not be afraid of them.

Anyway, this has gone on long enough! It's a hard thing to wake up and realize that the person you thought you knew isn't the person you thought they were. It's a hard thing to break ties with someone because of inappropriate, back-stabbing, wrong behavior, but sometimes it's the healthiest thing to do for your own sanity. Good luck with your own friendship break. I wish you well.

Cheers, K

Answer 2

I think that it happens to everyone at least once in their life. It seems that the kind of people you are talking about may not have really been friends after all. I have a bit of a bad habit of letting my friends fall off to the sidelines and it is usually they who reinitiate contact with me but not always. I do not have as many friends as I once thought I did, but the ones that are left are truly my friends. People who love and respect me, they trust me and I them and we all know that we stay in contact because we genuinely care about each other and want to be in each other's prescence.
A little more than a year ago I let go of one of my dearest and most treasured friends. It was very sad to know I would very likely not see her again in this life and that if I did, things would be so different as to not even make it worthwhile. Still these things happen and I find that it was the right decision.
True friends are hard to come by. If you find a single true friend, count yourself lucky and take care of your friendship. Any time you are in a relationship that compromises who you are, recognize that is not a friendship and that you can do better.

Good luck!

Answer 3

The problem is you haven't really asked a question about your dilemma. The guy sounds like he is desperate and is now contacting everyone he knows so that they can feel sorry for him and offer him help. He doesn't care about you, he cares about the fact you may be able to help him. He burned his bridges because he is what is commonly known as a picklebrain. Move on, you are worth more than that. Best of luck in the future.

Answer 4

I've got some friends I don't talk to as much anymore, mainly because we don't seem to really have that much in common anymore. I've got one friend who never tells me stuff -- I usually get the scoop only after my mom talks to his mom. I've got another friend who doesn't like talking about the stuff I'm really interested in. I had another friend who got married, and we were too close, so I had to break it off with her. Other people stopped working where I worked, and the friendships just grew colder over time. It happens. One of the things I learned a while back is that you won't always have the same circle of friends, and that's a natural progression.

Answer 5

yes I have, and you are right as you grow you you find out who your friends really are. And its not a terrible thing to let go of people who truly are not looking out for you. You deserve to have people in your life that treat you the way you treat them. A true friend is hard to find, but don't give up , they are out there. And don't be surprised if later the ones that you left behind "GROW" and ask to be forgiven and are truly changing their ways.-- Give second chances. If you miss stepped and seen the error of your ways you would want on too.

Answer 6

i ussually keep my friends for a good part of my life. unless i move and lose contact or something. however once my friend and i got new friends when the school yr began...no regrets tho becauze now i have the best friend ever : ]. anyway its not like we had a big fight or anything or i didnt like her or we didnt connect we just moved on...no hard feelings because we both found other new friends. however i kinda feel like she changed who she really was for them but o well. we can still talk its just kinda akward like we have nothing to talk about

Answer 7

I wonder if they were truly your friends in the first place?

It's natural to form friendships and then grow apart. We all change every day and sometimes our interests go in very different directions and the friendship ends. If you are fortunate, you will have at least one friendship that lasts a lifetime.

Answer 8

yes, I've had (and still do have) the same problem as you. Finding genuine people who'll willingly be reliable and honest with you seem scarce...but know that you are good person with integrity- things are better now for you since you dont have those petty, fake, lying f@ck tards in your life and you can eventually look foward to true friends.

good luck ;)

Answer 9

Twice

Answer 10

Not "totally burned" but yeah, me and my best friend, her and i really weren't getting along. She felt like my worst enemy. Then i realized i missed her, and i swear to God it took 7 years for us
to get back to where we were.But i had my reasons...she was very passive aggressive, and a total beeotch... But she didn't really do anything like what you are saying your "friends" have done. By the way, they don't sound like friends. Had my friend have done that to me, believe me i would torch the bridge. With friends like, who needs enemies. Start looking for new friends. Maybe keep the ones you've got for a while, until you find some new pals to hang out...but in the mean time, don't trust them, don't loan them money. When pple show you who they are....................believe them. Good luck. And God bless!

REMEMBER.....CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS..DON'T LET THEM CHOOSE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO FOR QUALITY AND QUANITY..BUT QUALITY FIRST.