i have always been really close with my mom but here lately i dont feel welcome at her house when i have been there her hubby gets pissed and makes rude comments about me and my kids and is a dick, she does not answer my calls anymore and is getting distant from my kids, i have stopped going to her house b/c of him. i even seen them at the store and he says " oh great here they come right on time " she tells my sister that the way he is acting is killing her and she cries her self to sleep b/c her kids and grankids are her life. but then why dont she do something about it? should i speak up or continue missing my mom and hiding what relationship we do have from him? and is he jealous or just a dick?
2006-07-30 17:28:59 · 32 answers · asked by tabbycat02 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
he does have a son who he abandoned when he was a baby and has never seen him again and my stepdad also was adopted b/c his parents lived in a mental hospital and doesn't have a relationship with his adopted family any more and he is an alcoholic
2006-07-30 18:16:32 · update #1
Definitely sounds like Jealously... He want's to be Number 1 in your mothers life and it kills him that he has to share his wife with her children. Yes he is also a d@@k... I'm very concerned for your mother's well being. Is he also this verbally abusive with her at home? Your mother has to be the one to lay down the law with him... she needs to let him know in no uncertain terms that she is not going to play his game and be forced to pick between her children and him. Truth be known her children will and should always win out over such a jerk. Your mother has to be the one to stand up for herself because what good would it do if you do it for her while your there but the rest of the time she's a prisoner in her own home continuing to take his abuse. Your mother simply needs to reclaim her life.. no man is worth the loss of self-esteem or her family. This is a power struggle and he wants to prove top dog. One of a number of things may happen... when your mother reclaims her life... and puts her family first it is possible that he will get worse.. please be prepared for that... if this happens it's a sign for her to definitely get out while she can. When I say worse I'm referring to escalated verbal attacks, physical ascertion and plots to destory the family. I didn't mean to write a book here but the only way for things to change is for your mother to want change.. She sounds like she's at that point. She doesn't have to worry about support because it sounds like she has an awesome family in the wings and ready to catch her if this gets out of hand.... but this is between her and her husband to a degree and she will need to put this on the table and see what happens. I wish you the very best and pray it will work out for the best.
2006-07-30 17:31:28 · answer #1 · answered by kitkool 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I personally think that he is just a dick. Although, there could lie a hidden reason behind it. Jealousy is a killer, and has the potential to ruin any relationships it comes into contact with. If that is the case - why is he jealous? It's hard to say. I'm unaware of his situation, and whether or not he has kids, and is close to them. It could all play a part, unknowingly.
With absolute conviction, I don't believe that you should sit on idle in regards to the whole issue. Talk to your mum about it, and see what comes to the surface. You might be surprised. Avoid comments that might make your mother feel at fault. It must be just as awful to be in her shoes, in between two people she most definitely cares about.
Tell her how you feel, and why you feel that way. And listen to her side. Try to find a compromise, not only for your sake, but for hers, and most importantly, the kids that are involved.
A man that gets between a mother and daughter relationship, is not a man at all.
Maybe asking your mother to make solo visits might be an idea worth considering, and putting into play. That way, there isn't any tension, and everybody gets to be involved with one another.
Alternatively, it might not be your issue at all. Maybe the decision making has to come from somebody else, your mother.
Good luck.
2006-07-30 17:44:25 · answer #2 · answered by Medicated Harmony 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The guy is simply a jerk, no question in my mind. Before I start fretting about the relationship you have with your mom, I'd start worrying about her well-being. It sounds as though this man is controlling every aspect of her life. Abusers have a habit of isolating the victim from their family. Don't let him do it. Instead of subjecting your kids to his abuse, visit often without them. Even if you are just stopping in to say a quick hello. Invite your mom places without him. When he questions it, simply say that you didn't think he'd enjoy it because the kids seem to bother him. As for the phone calls, he's probably screening them, not her. And please don't blame your mother. If she cries herself to sleep each night, it's because she's not like you. She can't stand up to this man. You sound like a strong minded person with a clear head on her shoulders. Take the high road, make it a mission to maintain that close relationship with your mother. Who knows, after spending enough time with you, she'll see the light and leave that piece of garbage in the dumpster she once found him in!
2006-07-30 17:41:40 · answer #3 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mom needs to tell him that he shouldn't treat you or your kids this way, you are her child and these are her grandchildren you and those children are apart of her and will be apart of her life forever if he cant start treating people who are in her family with respect then she needs to rethink her marriage to him and let him go men come and go but family is forever, talk to your mom about those issues and tell her that you love her she is in a tough spot right now and loves him but because of the way he is treating you and your family if is keeping you from having the close relationship you once shared with her so tell her you will be there for her no matter what and that eventually if things don't change that there may not be a relationship as long as he is around.....
2006-07-30 17:36:47 · answer #4 · answered by MidnightSkies 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is an immature- controlling baby. you do need to talk to her and make sure other worse controlling habits are not coming out. he is jealous and childish. You mom might be in serious trouble here. no man should come between moms and kids- or grandmas and grandchildren. tell her that you want her to be part of the kids lives and that you can find ways together to spend time with her and the kids.
2006-07-30 17:34:27 · answer #5 · answered by Angie A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear you have one of those in your family too. I grew up with a stepmother who hated me and proved it everyday with a fist or two. Then they divorced in April of my senior year of high school, after 14 years of hell. (fyi My Mom died.) Then he married on even worse. I took my grandmothers advise and stuck around more often just to make her miserable. If she made a smart remark I would just ask her what her problem was, ignore her, or ask my dad to go for a walk or to the park with me and my sons. Stay in his face, make him crazy while showing your mom you love her. I would never put anyone above my children or grandchildren, and that is why I have been single most of my life. Maybe your mom will wake up, if not show her this questionaire and the answers you receive.
2006-07-30 17:39:46 · answer #6 · answered by kentonskitty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to let your mom know how much this is affecting you and your children. If I were you I would ask to speak to both of them together and be honest about how you feel. He needs to hear it from you and from your sister so that your mom is not the one relaying the message. Then it is up to him to either change his behavior or your mom to let him know that she WILL have a relationship with her children with or without him and if he has a problem with that then she needs to make up her mind that this is not somebody who can be in her life.
2006-07-30 17:34:19 · answer #7 · answered by nquizzitiv 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
been there done that my mom was in the same situation well I spoke up and me and him actually fought about her. Well she was so scared by the monster she was frozen to him in fear. She finally learned that it was us or him and after 5 years without her kids, she left his sorry ***
I say stand up to him, he is nothing more than a bully and is that way cuz he wants someone to put him in his place and you are the one to do it.
Don't be afraid. If you need to call the police and tell them to be aware of the situation incase he gets violent. Just so they know. And then go and confront him and tell him you ain't scared of his *** and let him know he will treat your mom with respect as well as the rest of her family or he will have you and the police to deal with.
2006-07-30 17:40:28 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time its some of both people involved. He is probably a big dick but I doubt you can see your habits that maybe annoying. Try inviting your mom to your house.
2006-07-30 17:37:00 · answer #9 · answered by Thomas H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all jokes aside, the more you interfere, the more your mother feels caught in the middle. Hopefully she will wake up and see how this is affecting the rest of the family...Was he like that before they got married? probably not....mind your business and hope and pray that she will get the courage and strength to take control of the situation in the best interest of the family...He's both a D & J, but remember until she sees the light he is HER D&J
2006-07-30 17:39:13 · answer #10 · answered by Jdubyathree 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋