I just had a baby not even five months ago. It was a bad experience. I had an emergency c-section, the incision got infected, had to be partially opened, drained, and packed with gauze for 7 weeks.
This was baby number 5. On top of that I have PPD. My husband has been great throughout the whole ordeal. He even had a vasectomy a little over a week ago because he knows I'm afraid of getting pregnant again.
I feel really bad for him, it's been about 7 months since I've been interested.
How do I slowly get back into things? I don't want him to feel like I'm not attracted to him, I'm just not in the mood. I have no desire whatsoever to be intimate.
HELP.
2006-07-30 17:04:57 · 11 answers · asked by ~SSIRREN~ 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This one's for Joy. Did you not read the part of my recent infected c-section? And I think the guy can wait awhile, he's obviously had his fair share of sex if we have five kids right?
2006-07-31 14:23:54 · update #1
Need to know how to get back my desire not fix his.
2006-07-31 14:24:40 · update #2
Your husband has already proven that he is a keeper! He has respected you and treated you right. The good news is since he has a history of taking care of you and respecting you, he will continue to do it. You need to let him know that you know what he wants, and promise him that as soon as you get through this last hard time, you will do your best to satisfy his desires. He will be patient with you. It would also be good for you to do something to ease his "build up". Use your imagination! You are lucky to have a guy like him, so let him know it. Good Luck
2006-07-30 17:52:18 · answer #1 · answered by marks3kids 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I'm totally with you on the c-section. Not something fun, but I have only had one kid so far. After 5 I'm not surprised that you have no desire to be intimate. That is a lot for one woman to go through. Especially with the infection thing. First of all; even though your husband has had a vasectomy, use a condom, too, especially if you really don't want anymore children. Second of all, I think that you should go and see your gynecologist and see if he/she knows of any medicines that will get your hormones back in gear. I'm sorry to even mention this, but try watching some porn; either by yourself or with your husband. Sometimes that will get your sex drive going. You don't even have to actually be intimate together. Try giving your body a break and just try doing stuff to him, to please him. Dance naked for him. You don't even have to be in the mood yourself for that. I know I'm not in the mood all the time for my husband. Ask him what he would like you to do to him. But like I said before, I would definitely try going back to the doctor to see if there is anything he/she could give you. I would also try talking to him, so that he is in the loop with what is going on, and not thinking that something else is going on. Hope that helps!
2006-07-31 00:22:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would start out telling him that there is something you would like to talk to him about and start out by telling him how great that he was through out the tough time for you. Then next tell him about being afraid of getting pregnant again and that you are not ready for intimacy yet but let him know that it is nothing to do with him, but it is with you and if this man really loves you then he will understand, and the two of you can figure some other intimate ways to be intimate besides just intercourse. Maybe just be trying these other intimate ideas will get you in the mood again. But most importantly be honest with him and truthful to him but also be sensitive to his needs also but let him know about your feelings also. Good Luck and God Bless you Both. Congratulations on the baby and babies
2006-07-31 00:20:26 · answer #3 · answered by witsendmama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about it.. explain how your feeling, ask him to be patient alittle longer, BUT you need to pull urself out of this funk your in, he's your husband, and u love him and although i understand what you've been through its time to stop dwelling in the bad, and start thinking about the good.. be thankful u have a healthy family, and a man that adores u after so many children and so many years, that is so hard to find now a days.. and girl thankfully we arent built like men, we can fake our butts off..and they'd never know.. so even if ur not in the mood if u love him pretend that u are, make him feel loved, and eventually hopefully after faking a few times, u'll get back into the swing of things for real.. but dont neglect ur husband, he hasnt neglected u.. so reach out to him..
Good luck
2006-07-31 01:15:24 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I understand your feelings...but let's get real. 7 months is a LONG time to expect him to be patient. That is just mean. Sometimes we have to give it away even if we aren't in the mood...just because we love him (and it usually turns out you'll enjoy it anyways!) Sex is a physical need for a man, like being very thirsty and needing a big drink of cold water. Rememeber that your children will grow up and move away and if you still want him to be there you better take care of him!
2006-07-31 20:08:19 · answer #5 · answered by Joy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love this man. Try taking time alone with him outside of the house without the kids and give yourselves a chance to fall in love and sex again. It will work, I am the mother of 4 kids and had a similar experience. Give each other a chance. If you did not love him you would not be so concerned about him/his feelings. Go away together,,,even for a 2-3 hour date without the kids. You will fall in love all over again and want to be intimate with him. You will be turned on, trust me.
2006-07-31 08:25:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You say, you are still attracted to him, first of all, TALK to him, find out what he is feeling, tell him that you are still attracted to him, sometimes just a simple TALK can fix the problem, but if not and you dont want to loose your marriage, then maybe a sex councillor maybe able to help you, but dont wait, if you feel he is hinting about getting sex somewhere else, you need to act now. Myself I dont understand his attitude about the "hinting", if he has a problem about not getting sex, why hasnt he discussed it with you, there are more way to please each other, and understanding and tenderness in times like this go alot further than "hints". Good Luck to both of you
2006-07-31 00:16:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ever consider manually stimulating him with your hand or mouth? Or if your totally not interested, maybe broach the idea of allowing him to seek pleasure elsewhere to let him know you understand his plight and that you will approve...You both will feel less guilt later and keep down a potential volatile situation
2006-07-31 00:12:56 · answer #8 · answered by Jdubyathree 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You better think of something before he starts looking for sex elsewhere..i.e Younger, hotter women, or prostitutes.
5 kids? For god's sake have some self control people!!!
2006-07-31 00:09:13 · answer #9 · answered by Lothario 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in order to keep hubby around and not to sound so vast
GIVE HIM SOMETHING TO SATISFY HIS DESIRES!! or he will find someone else that is willing and you will probably never know it.
Q: What happens to a baby that crys?
A: Mommy gives him a pacifier.
2006-07-31 01:28:55 · answer #10 · answered by itsme 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋