I worte this one when I was 8 after my mom died
Right now I don't care
Nothing matters
a big piece of me is dead
gone, but not forgotten
everything in me feels rotton
the smiles
the laughter all will be missed
the times I felt down and was brought up by your kiss
I say good-bye once and for all
I will never forget you mom
and I will try to stand tall
I love you mom
I wrote this one just today (I'm 14)
Snowboarding
The feeling I get flying through the air
To some it's just a big scare
But to me it's what I live for
I am constantly craving for more
It is the best sport ever
It is snowboarding that I endeavor
and it will be remembered forever
Both of these were written by me: Aubrie Marie Gribble
2006-07-30 16:40:12 · 9 answers · asked by Truthordarelover 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Yes I do like them. I write poems myself. It's a GREAT way to express yourself. Whenever I'm down I write, and to be honest, my best writings were done during the worst parts of my life. Keep up the good work! :)
2006-07-30 16:45:03 · answer #1 · answered by Ashley S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really tough to critique a poem about a personal loss like your first one. I would say just put it away. It will always be amazing for your family and for yourself to read that poem later.
The second poem is not very good. The rhymes are ordinary, and the poem is loaded with cliche. I would strongly suggest trying that one again. Shoot for a lot more sense imagery--how does it feel. Having done some skiing, I know you have left out A LOT of potentially loaded sense description. How can you show
people what it's like? Don't tell me that it is the best sport ever...SHOW me.
2006-07-30 16:51:49 · answer #2 · answered by keats27 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For age fourteen the second one isn't bad. But if you want to consider improving your skills as a poet learn a little more about meters, iambic parameters and rhythm.
I'm sure you can find books on the guidelines of writing poetry anywhere.
2006-07-30 16:48:40 · answer #3 · answered by Doc Watson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are lovely! You did a great job, hope you continue to write more!
2006-07-30 16:44:13 · answer #4 · answered by Jim G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did really good, especially the one about your Mom.
2006-07-30 16:44:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
continue writing more
I feel there are some wonderful lines.
haha, your name in cute but should never be shared online!!
good job kiddo.
2006-07-31 09:05:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I kinda liked the poem for your mom.
2006-07-30 16:44:06 · answer #7 · answered by chemicalimbalance000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its okay but not touching enough,, try harder
2006-07-30 16:46:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its crap.
2006-07-30 16:44:18 · answer #9 · answered by Lola P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋