its been about 6 or 7 mouths since my wife and i have had sex. she just had our fifth child and she also has post partem depression. how can i help her get back in the mood?( she had a really really bad c-section)
2006-07-30 16:26:55 · 27 answers · asked by Phantom Chaos 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Good heavens...the woman is exhausted. And YOU want her to do the horizontal mambo with you? Are you NUTS?
Let's see she has 5 children...including a new born..just had surgery...and depression..and you want sex...
Have you thought about trying to make things better for her so she can get some rest? Send her out with friends WITHOUT any children?
Oy...and men want to know why women think you're all idiots.
And...she had major surgery which typically has an 8 week recovery period.
I can't tell you how much I'd like to shake you until your teeth rattle in your head....the fact that you're more concerned with "getting her back in the mood" ... ARGH!
2006-07-30 16:33:05 · answer #1 · answered by Kaia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
5 kids and you are still expecting sex? She's probably terrified it'll lead to number 6. Actually, it's probably not that at all. You said she has post partum depression. Is she on medication for it? Are you helping her out with the kids? It's hard to explain but I've had five kids and still have the four boys left at home. To say it's tiring is a huge understatement. You don't only have the kids to care for but there's laundry to do, a house to clean, errands to run, schedules to keep, etc. It's so physically and emotionally draining, that by the end of the day, sex is the last thing on a woman's mind. During those first few years, I was lucky to get a bath in each day! Feeling attractive enough for sex is probably a concern of hers too. If she's not feeling well about herself, that's going to put her desire for sex on the back burner. The c-section has little to do with it, unless she's horribly scarred and has pain. Then their might be issues that only time will heal. If you want sex, stop focussing on the actual physical act. The more you make it an issue, the less likely it's gonna happen. You'll just be another "thing to do" on her daily list. And you don't want sex to become a chore. Instead, focus on the great job she's doing with the house and the kids. Reassure her that she's beautiful, flirt with her a little, bring her roses for no reason, romance her. Put her needs before yours for awhile. She'll come around.
2006-07-30 16:46:34 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow man. . . . that is a tough situation. First let me congratualte you and her for your successful marriage and family. Now a days and marriage that lasts over a few years is a huge accomplishment. It also shows a lot of self sacrifice to raise a large family. Kudos to you and your wife. Now. . as far as your situation goes.. . . . maybe she is afraid of conceiving another child and is getting a little worn out with the work load. Maybe the pain of the bad c-section has her completely fearing another pregnancy. I also have talked with women dealing with post partem depression. Possibly some hormone or chemical therapy could help her. You should probably talk with a medical expert on this issue as soon as you can. In the mean time. . . just continue loving your wife and pamper her when you can. Help out as much as possible with the work around the house. Make her feel sexy and always tell her how much you love her. GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND PLEASE CONSULT A MEDICAL EXPERT AS SOON AS YOU CAN!
2006-07-30 16:53:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked to her about this situation, yes, I mean, talk and LISTEN, how does she feel, I know your saying she has depression, well believe me, hovering around her trying to persuade to have or want SEX again, will only turn her away more. I am thinking that after 5 children, you must have had your share of sex in the past so try giving her some space in that area, but you need to also let her know that you are there for her, by measuring your true feelings about this mother of your 5 children, love is enduring lots, sex is a flash in the pan. I am not criticising you, I understand that a man has needs but so does a woman, but just at this time your wife needs comfort and support. Good Luck
2006-07-30 16:40:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
has she been to her doctor. sounds like she is depressed. it happens .childbirth affects different women in many different ways and it's a traumatic experience for a young girl to experience .ask her doctor to prescribe some thing for her depression. does she cry a lot? disinterested in the things that she used to love ? this is part of depression. the best you can do is to not sympathise with her but be cheerful ,be in a happy place if you go out . tell her how proud you are of her having your baby and see to it that she doesn't have any more unless she wants to .buy her little gifts , plan a surprise dinner for the two of you .ask friends over but warn them before hand not to talk about anything sad or worrying to her, it will take time but cuddle her lots and kiss her every chance you get and leave it at that for the time being so she doesn't feel that she's being pressured into sex .after all she is afraid it's going to happen again
2006-07-30 16:37:50 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
UM excuse you! She had a C-Section that you defined as BAD BAD BAD!!! You can't MAKE her get in the mood. Would you be in the mood if someone had cut your stomach open? Come on. They have lotions for times like these. RESPECT your wife for giving you 5 kids. I'm sure after a long day, sex is the last thing on her mind. Give her time.
2006-07-30 16:31:19 · answer #6 · answered by kb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fifth child! No wonder. What were you thinking? She's probably tuckered out and sick of sex. Go get a vasectomy and say to her, I'm doing this for you as five is enough and I want you to have no fear of getting preggers ever again. Geez, I think after three or four you'd have gotten the hint. Childbirth is not fun, dude. Sex now probably to her mind is associated with that painful C-section.
2006-07-30 16:31:26 · answer #7 · answered by fugutastic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to be as understanding as you can and help out as much as possible. I'm sure you work hard at your job but being a mom of 5 kids is very demanding and stressful. Top that off with depression, and sounds like she's having a hard time. Encourage her to get a doctor's help with the postpartum depression if you haven't already. Be patient and I think things will get better. (Unless your religious beliefs prevent birth control, I would say that five kids sound like plenty to keep you busy, too.) :)
2006-07-30 16:32:50 · answer #8 · answered by Rachel M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Start with her doctor. This is a common problem. Also anything to lighten her load (mother's helper, part time help, you helping with house and/or kids. Take the older kids all out for a day. Let her rest w the baby and nap. You & the kids will also have a great time. Sometimes older kids feel the baby gets all the attention. Or get a sitter and take Mom out for a nice relaxing meal, drive, movie, whatever you used to do b4 kids. But start with her doc
2006-07-30 16:36:38 · answer #9 · answered by old beatnik 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know what? i think you have communication problems...you should know that having a child is such a big thing for a woman! so try to be patience and let her take some time off of the home duties and pay her a spa day and buy her some flowers...let her feel that you remember the girl you felt in love with and try to rescue something ...otherwise you will be hiring a lawyer soon...and think that if you don't do it with her you will have to cheat or pay...too much work and a whole family pends on it!
2006-07-30 16:34:14 · answer #10 · answered by miliscal123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋