A few months ago I found out my boyfriend was looking at teen/child pornography and he turned around and said he realized it was wrong and ceased looking at at, but of course there's this level discomfort because i'm not too sure why I was able to turn a blind eye to it. Then, I found out that he was downloading at least ten videos a day of various types of porn, if not more and that made me feel even more insecure. Am I crazy? I asked him to stop looking at porn because I felt like it was getting in the way of our relationship and made me feel insecure. Mind you, i'm very experimental and expressive sexually and I can't figure out his drive to look at porn. help?!?!??
2006-07-30 16:23:55 · 32 answers · asked by confused23 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Aside from what I stated earlier, I was shocked when I found he was looking at child porn... because up until that point he was close to perfect. Then, I found that out and I didn't know what to do. he said he stopped looking at that kind of porn, but the fact that he still looked at that kind bothers me.... I force myself to forget it because he makes me feel guilty that i'm not letting him get over it. Does a guy accidentally get into child porn and then stop? The fact that he feels the need to look at porn almost every day... isn't that weird? He related his unhealthy type of porn to his fear of growing up and depression.... could that be?
2006-07-30 16:36:57 · update #1
I hear what everyone is saying and thank you for the responses. I'm attractive, intelligent and respectful and after the whole child porn incident I asked him if he felt comfortable with seeking counseling and he did, but there's this fear that it will never stop. He's perfect aside from the porn... which is a huge part because it makes me feel so .... ummm... dirty I guess. I'm not boring sexually so.... I have no idea what's going on? Then, on top of the mess I found out that he had a crush on a co-worker as well and he attributed this to his need to escape into a made up fantasy in his head to escape the stress i've been causing him concerning due to my issue with his addiction to porn. I just can't see if any of this is normal. If i break up with him... will i just encounter another man who's into porn? I love him, but the porn is not or it never was a part of the equation. Utterly confused. Sorry for my A.D.D writing... it's a bit late.
2006-07-30 16:45:18 · update #2
Some men are drawn to porn and some have respect for them selves and other people around them.
I can tell you that if he is looking a porn now he will get worse and worse as time goes on. Porn is like a drug, you keep needing stronger and stronger doses to give you a thrill.
It will in the long run drive you crazy and I am not kidding.
It is a sickness.
I really do not know if you can get him to change? He might change for a while but I believe he will be back into it again but not let you catch him this time.
You may want to consider finding another boyfriend that has more respect for himself, you, and other women.
2006-07-30 16:27:10 · answer #1 · answered by Mr Bingo 4 · 5⤊ 2⤋
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2016-07-20 06:02:01 · answer #2 · answered by Leland 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, not every man.
Some guys still keep their sexual life strictly within the boundaries of their relationship. Personally, it disgustes me completely and I think it's degrading to women in general and mine in particular.
Besides, whoever looks at porn is looking for "something" that is meant to be found exclusively with your girl, but for some reason they require that "boost" without which the relation won't work as "good". Believe me, that sooner or later comes back and bites you in the ***; maybe not now nor in the next 20 years, but eventually... it's like a drug, it can become an addiction and a big marital problem. You should stay clear away from it and so should the guy you are with.
As for child porn... let's say that's the heroin or LSD of porn. And as with every addiction, he will deny he is hooked, but I could almost bet by now he is unable to disengage just out of sheer willpower. If you know what's good for you, get your guy to treat himself. Both of you won't regret it.
2006-07-30 16:44:14 · answer #3 · answered by Hor-heh 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As long as it's legal porn it's still porn if it's not legal he's a freak and you should get away from him or get therapy for him. These people can be dangerous and usually have a police record.See if he's registered as a sex offender or should be. You're playing with fire there and can get hurt or worse. Ever heard of being co-dependent? If anything it's a warning sign that he's obsessive compulsive.
2006-07-30 16:34:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be very causious with this hun..If he is lookin at child porn then that should raise some concern on your part..I have met men who do not agree with porn being on the internet or anywhere else..It is degrading to women of all ages..If he believe in God then he will know it is a sin in Gods eyes..Called lust of the flesh..sometimes all us women do everything we can for men we love but there are some men who dont think that is enough..I would watch closely at what he is doin..So many men get led astray due to porn but there is help if they sincerely try to get help to stay away from it...Dont let it make u feel insecure ...I once was married to a man who had this addiction and back then i felt insecure..It will ruin your life forever...Try sittin him down and letting him know how you feel from your heart...In this world with porn everywhere is frightening...It is wrong but at same time makes some people very rich...I have tried to help many girls/women get away from doin things like that..It is very degrading to them...If he loves you with all his heart he will stop ....I do pray all will go better for you and please dont let yourself think of what you yourself may be doin wrong to cause this..You aint doin it...god bless you both
2006-07-30 16:33:43 · answer #5 · answered by glowworm 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all men are obsessed with porn. My fiance and I watch it occasionally together. However, if your b/f is watching child porn, that is definitely a problem you need to address by leaving the relationship.
I think if he EVER looked at child porn and enjoyed it, then I don't think I could feel comfortable with a man like that.....ever.........
2006-07-30 16:29:05 · answer #6 · answered by littlerandiheather 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have to accept that men like the experience of looking at porn. Trust me, he won't appreciate you being close-minded towards it, just like you wouldn't like if he didn't appreciate you obsessing over putting on make-up and glamming up (hypothetically). Don't worry, this isn't much different than most every man, and don't feel like it's getting in the way of your relationship.
2006-07-30 16:28:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Biologically speaking, men are MUCH more driven by visual cues than women. Women simply don't react to porn the way men due...and this is due to the differences between how men and women intepret/experience sex and what they get out of it.
I just realized how complicated this answer is so I am going to stop now....
2006-07-30 16:27:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, not every guy likes pornography.
Of those who do like pornography, not all of them like the same kind -
for instance, some can't stand to have men present on-camera because
they want to make believe that they are the pizza man or whatever.
Yes, there are some women who like pornography. Generally, the
woman who like it prefer speech and reading rather than pictures, but
there are all kinds.
There are many couples who use pornography to improve their sex life.
Like anything else, context, degree and intent are critically important.
2006-07-30 16:28:55 · answer #9 · answered by Elana 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Man screws these people who completely do not get LIFE!! It is not normal to look at kiddy porn but that’s not to say the regular porn is any better. I mean it's all good if he wants to look at porn but hey lets keep it real: If you told him it makes you uncomfortable then he should STOP. Otherwise leave his behind and let his hand be the one to make him happy.
2006-07-30 16:40:45 · answer #10 · answered by Erik R 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋