My exhusband doesn't want to communicate about our child?

Question

My son's father says that we don't need to discuss anything about our child. Everything he needs to know he can find out from our son, who is 12, or from our son's teachers. But then I get in trouble with him for not telling him things and trying to shut him out of our son's life. We are both remarried now - for 5 years. I was hoping to work together and I respect his opinion about how to handle our son. Do I quit sticking my neck out? It is getting kind of old - the whole danged in you do, danged if you don't. His wife doesn't like him talking to me and doesn't treat our son very well when he is at their house. He pays only his child support and not a penny more. I try to be as nice as possible at all times. Let me know what you would do.

Answer 1

Tell him to kiss your grits. You owe him absolutely NOTHING. He does the bare minimum, why don't you? Good luck. And congratulations on being remarried.

Answer 2

The first thing that stood out is that the new step-mom doesn't treat the son very nice. That is unacceptable. Be sure to discuss that with your son's father, until there are changes. It is his responsibility to keep your son comfortable when he is there. SInce he pays child support, I assume you have custody? I also don't like how you said you "get in trouble with him". This makes him sound controlling, so I am glad you are divorced girl! His wife has to understand that you all have a child together and that you don't want her man (you already had him, remember!) and that your son is your main priority. Your son is not old enough for the 2 of you to not communicate about what is going on in his life. Make it clear to the father that you request and require him to keep you informed on your son's life, just as he would want as well. Just keep on reiterating this to him and if his insecure wife gets involved tell her it is of no concern to her and that all you care about is your son.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

I too am divorced and remarried (although I don't think he has even had another date) and my ex doesn't really want to discuss our son either. He too thinks he can find out what he wants to know by asking him. So, awhile ago I decided that if he didn't ask then I wouldn't tell. If ever a situation arises where he wished he had had more info I simply (and as sweet as suger) remind him that he didn't ask. I have found the best way to deal with him is to be super nice (which drives him insane since he knows how I really feel) and to answer any questions with fact, fact, fact, and no emotion at all. This is sometimes difficult to do, but I know it's easier than the argument that could ensue. Best wishes

Answer 4

I know how you feel I am divorced now too for five years and have 3 kids from a former marriage....my new husband has 3 kids from a former marriage as well. they have good communication if there's something wrong he doesnt mind driving over there to help out and she's remarried too......but my ex wont listen to me about anything....so i went back to court and put in an agreement that we have to talk to each other about our kids and our kids only...he cant ask our kids about me and my husband nor can i ask the kids about him and his girlfriend. if there's anything concerning the kids we talk to each other....its important because everyone has different views on things...you guys had your son together and now you have to communicate with each other married or not about him. Tell him that its important to your son to see you guys get along and not fight even if you are remarried its important that he sees some stability still in his parents. I know its hard cuz it is for me cuz I cant stand my ex and his girlfriend the troll sorry see i told you anyhow I have to control myself and look at my kids and say they are more important than what I am feeling at the moment...If your ex really wants whats best for your son then he will talk to you good luck

Answer 5

From an experience mom in this field. Always do what YOU think you should do, what you think is best for your son. If your ex or his current wife don't like it or accept it, then that's their problem. In my opinion, continue to advocate for your son and you'll know you did all you could do in each situation. No matter how tiring or frustrating it is, you're doing the right thing. Maybe someday they'll realize that their way isn't best.

Answer 6

communication is the key to a healthy relationship even if there is nothing left in it.this is especially true when there is a child involved.all matters,big or small pertaining to your child needs to be discussed and resolved.take every opportunity to try and communicate with your ex husband the need to do so for the welfare of your child.he needs to know that u as the mother of his child is in the best possible poistion to keep him informed about his child and his life.i am sure that u will find a suitable time or opportunity to discuss this with him.its in the interest of your child n nothing can be more important that this.all the best.

Answer 7

Wow your ex-husband and his wife sound like two immature jerks. Haha He's probably not allowed to talk to you, the new wife is probably insecure and jealous. What I would do is just blow him off, why try to talk to him?? your son is actually old enough to tell his dad whats going on in his life. Stop worrying about being so nice to your ex and his wife, concentrate on having a loving and nurturing home with your new family :) Good luck

Answer 8

Quit sticking your neck out. Take him for what he told you...he'll find out from your son.

Don't fall into the trap of trying to, but never being able to make this guy happy. It's like jumping through a hoop that just keeps getting higher and higher until you can't reach it anymore. Stop now.

Answer 9

DEFINE "GET IN TROUBLE WITH HIM." Woman, you have your own life now. You are an adult. You are not responsible for your ex-husband and your ex-husband is not responsible for you.

I'm a divorced, single mom. My ex and I share custody of our 6 y/o son. I can't imagine not being able to communicate with each other about our son's needs. However, there are many times we don't see eye-to-eye. Hence, we're divorced.

But anyhow my advice is the following: Be the best mom when you're with your child. Always treat him with compassion, patience and understanding. Be his best advocate at school. Always tell him that his dad loves him no matter how dad is behaving. When your ex comes around with those complaints tell him you're not responsible for his feeling being left out of things and he should try to communicate better. You can also learn to ignore him. Sometimes people deal with life in unhealthy ways and you don't have to be part of his unhealthy dealings. If things heat up then return to your attorney for full custody. The biggest problem I see with shared custody is that for this type of custody to work both parents really need to have baggage cleared between them and both need to be on the same page in regards to parenting which includes communication. Otherwise, it is best that one partner have full custody.

If you're concerned about how his stepmom treats him take the advice I mention about being the best mom. For example, my ex is remarried and my son is at their household 3 days a week. I know he is being fed, clothed, looked after, and his homework is getting done. I know he has his ups and downs with his stepmom. So as long as he has a safeplace to return to (my home and my love for him) he will manage being in his dad's new household.

Let your son know he is loved by you and he will be able to deal with himself and his dad's household arrangements. Do you suspect abuse? If you do seek an attorney immediately!!! If you don't teach your child skills/habits to deal with his dad and stepmom and let him know you love him.

Answer 10

you need to verify on your words heavily. under no circumstances say a be conscious about what you imagine he did to you or your relatives, under no circumstances communicate about your 'thoughts'. i recognize it is demanding, yet you have become divorced and opt to positioned your little ones first. It'sno longer about why he left, who he sleeps with or any of that. you need to positioned that aside in case you choose to really have a risk of being friends for the sake of your little ones. commence with suggestions from putting forward something about your little ones, as an social gathering, 'Johnny is doing poorly in college and that i choose your help to get him by this' ought to we please visit the instructor mutually so lets properly be on an identical web page' or Johnny did tremendous in math and that i merely wanted to percentage that with you. Small steps.

Answer 11

I think he has issues with you, and he won't let go of them or put them aside to properly be informed of the child. He needs to get over the fact that you two are not an issue and focus on the child himself. He needs all the info about him from all sources that are trustworthy, and who else but the mother is the most trust worthy.