How do I learn to accept that my adult sons are not interested in my well being and my daily life?

Question

Oldest is 27, lives in town next to me, works hard in restaurant industry, has new girlfriend and wants to marry her, she is great, she talks to me when we are all together, she has a sweet baby boy who is 8 months old.

Youngest just graduated from Army Boot Camp...Fort Benning, I went and we had a great time together, he is 17, has a girlfriend.

Neither son calls me very often, unless I beg them to....or unless they need something like clothes. We help them all we can with moving, etc...are Christians, supportive, both were raised mainly by me, their Fathers are absent most of the time until they got older. They are close, even lived together last year. They saw me as hard working mom, put myself through college by age 34, was home with them when I could be, we were all very close as they were growing up.

Me, 45, advanced degree, professional...close to my parents who also are in town with oldest son, and they help him out a lot. My kids don't even know where I work.

Answer 1

You are not showing your professionalism and advanced degree by living you life based on what details your sons know about your life, and not realizing that you have to live your life for you. Be proud of yourself for raising two very fine young men. You do have to realize that they have their own lives. You sound like you think your life is over because they no longer need you on a day to day basis. Isn't this why we work so hard to raise our children to be independent adults? I do not understand why your children do not know where you work, my adult children live hundreds of miles away but we all know where each other work. You need to find some other things to do with your life when you are not working; go out with friends, do some volunteer work. There are tons of elderly people in nursing homes who would love to have a visitor come and take them out for a walk or just sit and talk to them. Once you had a taste of independence when you were their age(s) did you want to be spending time with Mom and Dad? I bet, if you give yourself an honest answer, the answer would be no you were off doing your own thing and living your own life. Don't beg them to call or visit, you are destroying all the years of hard work they saw for a model from you when they were growing up. There is nothing worse for adult children to think that their parent is a weak and clingy person. Declare this as a new road to independence in your life, learn some new things, take up a new hobby...who knows you may end up with so many new friends and so many things to do, your boys will be begging to visit you!!! I'm sorry if I sounded harsh, but I've been there and done that before. You have tons to be proud of, so now move forward...Best of luck to you and have a good night!!!!

Answer 2

kitty, you have a problem alright, and with out placing all the blame or sounding judgmental. you need to pull away from your boys and make them act like men. i know im not giving a feel good answer or one that will be thought of as productive by you but the fact is you buying things for them says to them that they are still boys and not men dont call them dont mail anything to them just sit back and wait. if you go on vaction dont tell them just go and if they happen to get worried while you where gone tell em if they had called more often then they would have known but do it sweetly as 27 and 34 are at the age that they will mature to the point where either they will or will not be real men and care about their mothers and being rude or begging them would only push their mind to be forgettfull about you.... also let them know that their inheritance will be based on what kind of men they turn out to be, and you want men who love pay attention to whether their mom is dead or not.

Answer 3

For historic past, my moms and dads were non secular, yet knowledgeable. i develop into continually given a sturdy dose of technological understanding because it really is what i develop into fascinated in. They were no longer literallists with suggestions from any stretch. with suggestions from the time it befell, i develop into already addicted to adult males like Sagan and a sturdy believer that technological understanding had the solutions. i develop into sitting in Sunday college one week at the same time as i develop into about ten. They began going over Genesis and itemizing what develop into created on which day. the element that jumped out develop into: Day 3: flowers Day 4: The solar, Moon, and stars. Now that develop into about the stupidest element I ever heard. I figured the instructor develop into an fool for wondering the Bible stated something that shows this kind of worry-free false impression of how the Universe develop into practice. So I were given homestead and appeared. It did say that. about per week later i concept she develop into an fool for believeing the Bible. i wanted to be incorrect...yet under no circumstances somewhat concept i develop into. I sat down and actually study the Bible (something few Christians do) and positioned it both incompatable with the loving God that I were instructed about, and patently absurd with the unicorns, dragons, Ark, adult males residing in fishes, and speaking snakes and donkeys. I see no resason to imagine there's a god. I merely see stupid memories that get repeated and believed because human beings do not choose to ought to die some day. countless something of the questions you requested merely educate that you do not get that we somewhat do not trust there's a god. We couldn't likely entertain the conception of coming lower back because it isn't genuine. you're asking us to commence waiting for Santa on Christmas morning back.

Answer 4

They are building their own lives. Let them know you love them and enjoy their company. Arrange meeting for meals. Avoid guilt trips which will only push them away and make them resent you.

Answer 5

Simply face the truth. Then live with it.

Answer 6

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