What is the best way to deal with people who mock me for never being married?

Question

I'll turn 40 this year, and have never been married. Close several times, but then . . . one woman cheated on me, another developed a drug habit, another became verbally and physically abusive.

I've done my best to be a healthy, confident, dateable man . . . but when people treat me like some kind of loser because I don't have a ring on my hand yet, it dredges up all those bad memories, and I become defensive about being single. Some even think that I'm gay because I've never been married, which certainly isn't true.

I really think I am a good catch, but have just had some really lousy luck. What would be the best way for me to respond to people who are insensitive and immature to me about the marriage subject? It wouldn't do any good to give a 3-hour story about all of the women who've wronged me.

Answer 1

Possible responses:
Attack responses:
1. Tell them that there must be something about your choice that makes them unconsciously wish they had made the same because people in good relationships never ask questions like that.
2. Tell them that after seeing how many people just go through life doing everything they're expected to do without thinking about it, that you decided to take life more on your own terms.
3. (Version of #1): Ask them if something is bothering them in their own relationship, given that concern with others' choices in this area often reflects an unconscious desire for the same choice because of current issues.

Witty responses:
1. Smile and say that you think it would be unfair to all the women you're currently dating
2. Smile and say that it would be selfish of you to take yourself off the market, given the joy you're currently giving to so many.

Honesty:
1. Be completely honest with them and tell them that you find it annoying when they bring this up. Tell them if they need help in trying to avoid this behavior that you're there to help.
2. Don't explain anything and tell them that you need for them to stop asking you questions like that.
3. Ignore them

My vote for best response: Honesty #2 -- tell them you need for them to stop asking you questions like that. A woman I know went to a therapist and she was taught to express her needs at any time like that -- simply and without attack -- and it worked wonders for her.

The good part is that you're looking at what they're saying and you're analyzing how it hurts. My buddy would say to try and change your mind by praying for them in some way (whatever prayer form you're comfortable with).

Answer 2

I'd rather would never have been married at age 40 than divorced once or twice by 40 like quite a few men are. I'm not sure what you could say that would be effective to people who are ignorant about it. I wish you well though, I'm sure you're time will come, the love of your life is just running a bit late I guess, but she'll be worth the wait:) take care

Answer 3

thoroughly unfaithful. i understand a number of women that slept with their boyfriends interior a pair weeks of beginning the dating ordinary and are turning out to be married. to any extent further that doesn't recommend a element. 87% of the girls interior the U. S. have intercourse in the previous marriage, it particularly is a statistical fact. Does that recommend 87% of the girls interior the U. S. under no circumstances get married. certainly you will see that the completed loss of logic in this style of assertion. however the actual undeniable fact which you're only twenty, statistically over the subsequent 2 or 3 years you will probable have yet another 2 or 3 boyfriends in the previous you calm down. it particularly is only the way it is.

Answer 4

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you. So you're 40 and never married. Just means you're looking for someone of real quality - not just the first pretty face that comes along. Personally I get the same flack from my family and friends, and I just look at them and tell them, "Why should I marry a so-so guy when I deserve a prince?"
Tell those people that you're happy with who you are, and when you feel ready to get married, you will. There is no law that says you have to be married by a certain age. If they can't deal with that, tell them you don't need their criticism and they can keep their opinions to themselves.
If that doesn't work, when they ask when are you getting married, just ask them when are they going to get smarter... that'll shut them up.

Answer 5

I was married for 10 years and have been divorced for the past 6 years. I haven't been out on the first date, so I've heard the same things you have. I'm 42 and I have no intention of getting married again. So this is what I tell people who ask me those questions.

Just look at the ones that are married and say, "Why should I get married? So I can be as happy as you? No thanks!"
To the ones that are divorced say, "I'm wise enough to have learned from your mistake."
To the ones that are single and looking to get married, simply say, "You first."

Answer 6

Its hard but you have to ignore people's comments, because it is better to be single, than to be married to the wrong person. Maybe you should change your friends and try to find other single guys to hang out w/. I am a 22 year old single woman and its hard to hang out w/ friends that have bf's b/c their life revolves around their man, and then they try to make me feel bad about not having a bf at the time. Just pray that the Lord will send you a good wife.

Answer 7

Hell, I can give you a good three hour story of the women who have wronged me, and I am a woman.

Possible come backs:

I am having too much fun shopping to buy yet.

You,(your wife) is taken, and it is damn hard to find a close runner up.

You know, I was thinking the same thing to myself on the plane back from Italy.

I couldn't take the genetic risk. (use only in dire situations)

Good luck, dude.

Answer 8

Just tell them that when you find the right one, that is when you will get married. I don't know of any law or anything that says you have to be married by a certain age.

Answer 9

Just tell them that while you had hoped for it by now, life hasn't turned out that way, so far, and some things involved are too painful and you'd rather not discuss it.

Anyone who would push for more information beyond that is RUDE.

Answer 10

When they ask why you are not married, just tell them, "I choose to be single, and am very happy being such." This usually quiets the married ones, as they are jealous with envy. ))))