What 2 do, how do I handle this?

Question

just found out my wife was cheating on me, she was my soul mate r is she. is it over? I still love her just can't get what has happened out of my mind

Answer 1

How you eventually handle it is something you will arrive at. Its not something that anyone can tell you and there is not set time limit. The biggest issue for something like this is TRUST. If you think you can trust your partner again and you are sure you still love her, then I suspect that once you get over the hurt, you will both be fine. But if you have even the smallest question in your mind, then be prepared for some heavy soul seaching. It does get easier, you can get over it quickly or slowly, it depends how you're made. One of the most difficult things to accept is when you both took that wrong turn in your relationship that started all this in the first place. That said, sometimes there is no reason and that too is very hard to accept because we all want a reason. Sometimes people just change, grow apart, notice different things. It happens, but there might not be a reason. Good luck, look after yourself I hope it works out for the best for you both.

Answer 2

I am going through the same thing right now, so I know how you feel. Personally, I think that the best thing for you to do is talk ot out with her and look into the possibility of counseling. I also think that you should spend some time talking to someone aout your feelings so that you can vent and start to look at options for what steps you may want to take. If you really love your wife and she is willing to work on saving your marriage then you shouldn't give up. It will take some time before you are able to trust her again and that is going to take some work on her part and some faith on yours. Figure out in your heart what it is going to take for you to forgive her, and if you do, don't turn around and use the affair as a weapon...healing will never start if you go that way. Take some time out for you. Do some real thinking and then sit down with your wife. Tell her how you feel and be honest, you have to get all that pain out in the open and it won't be easy, but it will be worth it. Then talk about what it is going to take for you to trust her again. It will take time, but you can make it. after that, take everyday a little piece of the day at a time until you can take on a whole day at a time again. Spend time together, lots of it and talk until you can't talk anymore. Get a marriage counselor, pray, and move forward one step at a time..you will be able to trust her and fall back in love with her, it's just going to take a lot of work. Don't give up! I'm not!

Answer 3

I know the feeling, but you can forgive but never forget and every time there is an argument you will bring it up because it still hurt, so homeboy I don't know what to tell you...Take a look at the relationship.. what was the reason for her wanting to be with someone else. If you're really in love sleeping with someone else is not an option ...

Answer 4

and well you shouldn't -- she has betrayed your trust in a marriage. Mine did that, and I was outa there in a heartbeat. It is just tooooo difficult to think that they won't cheat again, and once a cheater, always one, sorta like a closet drunk. Some people have healed up things like that in therapy. You may find it helpful, but god, what a blow. Difficult to get respect back for someone who did something like that to you..... good luck, what ever your choice.

Answer 5

you'll never be able to get it out of your mind because i was in your place at one time, for one thing your always gonna wonder did she do the same thing to him during sex as she does to me? or will she do it again and the answer is yes, she'll do it again because once a cheater always a cheater, i just hope that you learn that before it happens again.... good luck!

Answer 6

i have been separated 4 years since my husbands cheat...

you need to give yourself the time that you need to think this through... i was in counseling for 8 months but then my job's overtime needs bit into that so i had to do what i had to do to keep a job for my son and myself (he rarely helps financially)...

it took me 2 years to come to realize that this was not a good relationship... looking back though, i regret not filing for divorce immediately...

people that cheat i think cheat in other ways too... you need to take time and think about this whole world that the two of you have together... how much of it is really 50/50... my counseling did help me to realize how little he was giving and how much he was expecting/taking and how little i was getting out of the relationship...

generally, woman cheat for emotional reasons and men for sexual reasons... but in my opinion, there is no good reason to cheat... it has to do with values...

i wanted to work on my relationship (i guess, i was numb mostly at first) but in time i realized that i was still the one trying to work on the relationship and he was still "him"... his ideas, values, general ways of thinking, that didnt seem to be changing and he was not working on it... i got counseling, he didnt... it was still me working on the relationship and him thinking only of his insensitive self...

Answer 7

Sorry to hear this. However, you can forgive and move forward IF both parties are willing to work at it.
Men do it all the time and expect women to forgive.

Good luck.

Answer 8

I am so sorry. what i think is always give someone a second chance. people do make mistakes. now if she did it again then shell do it again. if you love her and can forgive her and you want to make it work, then try to make it work. go to counseling. goodluck with everything

Answer 9

she was obviously Never your "soul mate" or she wouldnt have done this...
once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater!
move on

Answer 10

You divorce her............of course you still love her, and you probably always will, but don't you deserve someone that will be true to you?