I don't want the divorce and my wife does?

Question

I was not aware that I would be going out of town and coming back to divorce paperwork. My wife has since told me that she hasn't loved me for almost a year now and is not willing to work things out, I'm totally lost and my heart feels crushed. is there something I can do to get past the pain that I am experiencing?

Answer 1

She is a weak person to have done this to you. For one year she has been plotting to divorce you, so of course she is comfortable with her decision. You are going to have a rough go of it for the next year. However you will survive and in the end you will see she did you a favor. My suggestion is to:
1. Tell her you do not want a divorce but you will not fight her on it (you probably can't anyways)
2. Hold your head up and know you are not such a sneak.
3. Go over all the finances and make sure she has not hid a stash of money from you.
4. Make sure things are divided 50/50, don't give her more than her share.
5. Put up a front that you are more together than you are. Don't let her know how much this is hurting you.
6. Plan some short term and long term goal now. ie: Take a vacation, plan where you will live.
7. Know you are so lucky to be set free and will not have to be in a marriage with a wife that is not capable of loving.
8. Get a good lawyer... yes you need one, regardless what she says.
9, Talk to her as little as possible, and no you do not have to leave the house.

Answer 2

If you want any shot at rectifying anything here, go along with this. Do not beg, do not cry, do not plead. Tell her that you don't feel the same, but you're not going to force her to stay where she doesn't want to be, and that you're glad she's telling you now so you can have time to move on with your life.

Be that matter-of-fact, and that cold. And cut off ALL communication with her; talk to her through your lawyer only. If she calls you, return her calls with, "I'm sorry, I'm awfully busy, just let our lawyers work it out". Offer no more information than that.

If there is any spark left in her at all, this will at least raise some curiosity in her mind, that she didn't realize this would be so easy for you. She may even call you to "talk", but what she's really fishing for is information and signs of wavering on your part. It's very possible that she's felt smothered by you in some way, and you letting her completely off the hook may just get her to really think about what she's leaving.

In any event, you have to show her you are completely ready to go on with your life without her. If you show any weakness or compromise, you will only re-strengthen her resolve.

Now, this may not work. But based on what you're saying, this is your only shot. What you're effectively doing is "setting her free"; she's no longer running away from you, she's now running toward....the unknown. And that can be a scary thing. It may help her start to think that what she's doing may be a mistake.

The upside is, if things don't work out, you'll already be practicing the mindset you'll need to get beyond this unfortunate chapter in your life.

Answer 3

I know what you're feeling. When my ex-husband told me he was leaving me for another woman, I was devastated. I didn't want a divorce and I wanted to save the marriage at all costs. At the time I thought the divorce was the worst thing that ever happened to me and I didn't know how I would ever survive it.

It's been a year and half now and an amazing thing has happened. The worst thing that ever happened to me has somehow become the best thing that ever happened to me. I think you will feel the same way some day. Try to think about that - I know it's hard.

I now have a chance to find someone who really loves me, who really believes in the sanctity of marriage. I have a shot at real happiness. I deserve these things, and so do you.

Stay busy and take care of yourself. You'll get through it, and you'll come out better than you ever thought you could. It just takes time.

Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 4

It seems as if your wife has been planning to leave for a long time. I don't agree with the manner in which she has filed for a divorce behind your back. I am sure that there were signs that your marriage was on the rocks for some time. I believe that you were truly trying to make this work, but if she wanted things to be any better, she would have given you a chance to express your feelings on the issues. As bad as it hurts, it would be to your advantage to move forward. I don't understand your pain, but in time (lots of time), you will heal.

Answer 5

Some things in life have to be dealt with and this unfortunately is one of them. There's no easy way to handle this. You're going to go through stages of anger, sadness, depression, guilt, etc. All of these emotions are normal. You may need to get a few weeks of therapy for yourself. In the meantime do what some women when in labor do to handle the pain....keep reminding yourself that this time next year this will be just a bad chapter in your life but you'll gain something when it's all over....you'll be a better, and emotionally stronger man. Your wife is a coward and probably already in another relationship. You will get through this..... Good luck.

Answer 6

Time is the only healer - you have to realize that if she is at this point, she has divorced you in her heart along time ago - you might as well go through with it, and begin dealing with the necessary emotions of grief that you will endure. You will continue to try to gain her love, but you will be talking to deaf ears - her mind has been settled for a long time - you don't get divorce papers overnight! This has been thought out and planned for - find support in group sessions, in private counseling, in the Lord, in whatever arena (other than vices and bars), that will allow you proper grieving and acceptance of the decision she has made. I've been in your shoes and I empathize with the hurt and sorrow, but until you go through it - you will only put of the inevitable process - so jump in it and start through the healing.

Answer 7

Since she's the one wanting a divorce for no other reason than that she doesn't love you, make sure you get a good lawyer so that she ends up with the minimal, if anything at all. She deceived you and you should sue for breach of trust and and breach of promise (The marriage vows). Sounds to me as if she's been playing around in your absence. I would suggest you sit down and jot down everything you remember of anything that could be suspicious.
She sounds immature to me to present you with a fait-accompli like that. It's also very mean.

Answer 8

Sounds like there is more to this than meets the eye. If you didn't see it coming, it sounds fishy. Get yourself a counselor and a good lawyer. Heck, maybe even a private investigator to find out if she has been cheating all this time. Are there kids involved? If so, she may be trying to get custody, etc. Your heart will heal but keep a clear head. If you look pathetic, there maybe no hope. Good luck.

Answer 9

TIME WILL HEAL YOUR PAIN.

Unfortunately it takes 2 to make a marriage, and if one party is not willing to work at the union, and is miserable, it makes no sense continuing in the relationship.

Take some time and move on. Talk to family or friends or seek independent counselling.

Good luck.

Answer 10

i'm so sorry, it sounds like she has found someone else, maybe there is something that has been missing from your marriage that she needs.the fact that she is not even willing to work on it, says that she has maybe found what she is looking for in someone else. i know your heart must be broken, but maybe a divorce is the best thing,maybe there is someone else out there for you, that will be better for you. you never know what lies ahead.if you ever need a woman to talk to, just as a friend, feel free to im or email me at [e-mail]