My finance and I will be married in 3 weeks.
My family is very small (my parents, my younger brother and my grandmother). None of these people have any other place to gather on holidays.
My fiance's family is large. There are a lot of people that gather for his holidays.
My mother usually has her holiday at 2 p.m., which makes it almost impossible to go to any other occassion. This Christmas his family rearranged their holiday so that I could be present.
I don't want to be a couple that spends holidays apart, especially once we have children.
Any suggestions on how to deal with this. I know my mother will make it very stressful on us. She will act as if his family is more important than mine if we don't come to her gathering when she wants to schedule it.
How can I deal with this without hurting anyone's feelings??
2006-07-30 13:30:01 · 9 answers · asked by Laura N 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Holidays ➔ Other - Holidays
I am in a similar situation. My family is also small, myself, parents, brother, grandma and uncle. For Thanksgiving, my husband and I spend it with his family, then we spend the weekend with my family. For Christmas, his family is big on Christmas Eve, so we spend the Eve with his family and Christmas Day with mine. Easter is not a big deal with my family so it is his family. We do not have kids yet so it is a similar situation. Both families need to be aware that you both have families that you want to visit with. If you want to have Thanksgiving with his folks the XMAS with yours, that might also be a way to handle it. Or vice versa. Maybe you can also ask your Mom for some advice just to make her included.Good Luck
2006-07-30 13:46:41 · answer #1 · answered by jester 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweet heart you need not add any stress to your life just 3 weeks before your wedding day. This is not a decision that you will have to come to alone. Talk to your fia'nce about it and you guys decide together. We could all tell you what we do for the holidays but that does not mean it will work in your case. He may have a different idea on what to do. Does he even know you are so worried about this? Talk to him sweetie, you guys can decide this together. Just FYI my husband's family lives in miami FL and mine in NC. we also live in NC so we spend every Thanksgiving in miami and every X-mas in NC if you live in the same state with both families, you guys just get up early on holidays and stop by everyone's house for 2-3 hours at a time. visit, get plates to take home and then you don't have to cook for a month.!!! Good Luck sweetie & Congratulations.
2006-07-31 02:01:33 · answer #2 · answered by cookie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is much easier to balance if you are in the same town so that you can try to spend as much time with each as possible. If one set would celebrate on Christmas Eve and on on Christmas Day that would make it much easier. If not, then spend as much time with each that you can. It seems like it would be reasonable for your mother to adjust her family's plans because there are not as many people to juggle. But mother's are not always reasonable when it comes to their children! :) We want them to never ever leave. In the future you will also want to develop some holiday traditions of your own with just you and your new husband. Someday (a long time from now!) you may want to host the celebrations yourself and invite the whole crowd.
Congrats on the wedding! Best wishes!
2006-07-30 13:59:52 · answer #3 · answered by petlover 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one thing, if your Mom doesn't understand you now have another family to spend time with, she's being very selfish and childish. Enough of that.
I'm luck...I have a Mother -in-law that works around everyone elses schedule. As long as she can spend time with us it doesn't matter when. My Mom is great in that repect also. She has the holidays and if you're there then great, if not, whatever. For the not so lucky...(like I had before now) you have to alternate holidays every year, ex this year Easter and xmas eve at your mom's and thanksgivieng and xmas at his, next year switch. Or Decide you always spend the same holidays at one place (Easter and xmas eve always at your Mom's) B4 my grams passed away, my husband and his family knew I liked to spend xmas eve with my family, it was very special to me and they excepted it.
Any way you're just going to have to be firm, you and your husband decide what to do, and stick to it. Your imediate family isn't the only family in the picture any more.
Good luck and congrats
2006-07-30 15:30:10 · answer #4 · answered by Cathy P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be in our shoes! My parents are divorced, so that always fun to schedule holidays. What is better Mom's remarried. My husband's family is very close. So this is what we do:
Thanksgiving-Lunch with His mom, dessert w/ my grandmother and supper with my mom
Christmas-Sat. before we go to my step dad's family, night beforego to my mom's morning at 8 we go to my grandmothers, for lunch we go to his mothers, for dessert we go to his aunt's, supper is usually my mom
4th of July-sat. before stepdad's family, day of his and my mom
Easter-day before stepdad's family day of after church we go to my grandmothers then to my mom's and then to his mom's
Do you see where I'm going with this? No one is completely happy. You just have to work up a schedule . Sometimes it pleases, but most of the time it don't. Last year for Christmas, we disappointed alot of people. We stayed home and I cooked for the very first time. In 28 years of living, this was the first Christmas I stayed at home. It was WONDERFUL!!! Now that my third daughter is 4 months old, I imagine we will stay home a lot more. My husband and I are very close and would dream of spending holidays apart. We get through it and laugh about it along the way. Good luck and remember, you can't please everyone. Do what is best for the two of you.
2006-07-30 19:15:12 · answer #5 · answered by toricp3 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing for the TWO of you is to AGREE on how to handle the hassle. Talk it over between the two of you. Think of some scenarios that will make it easier on YOU. Also consider spending some holidays alone -with the family around.
2006-07-31 00:34:05 · answer #6 · answered by reme_1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-14 16:31:05 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I spend Christmas together and try to fit our families in when we can. As for Thanksgiving we alternate which family we spend it with each year. Last year we went to my family's gathering so this year we will spend Thanksgiving with my husband's family. Hope this helps and congrats on getting married soon.
2006-07-30 13:35:28 · answer #8 · answered by ninja_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you learn quick you spend one holiday at one parents house then the other at the others. The next year you switch
2006-07-30 13:34:23 · answer #9 · answered by pennij 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋